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‘Twinkie Apocalypse’ – How We Killed the Twinkie

So Hostess Brands, the makers of your cherished Twinkies, Ho Hos and Sno Balls, finally went under today. Sadface. But while nearly every other news source is posting up quick DIY Twinkie recipes to help you prep for the impending Twink-pocalypse, we’ve gotta be real for a second. None of you liked Twinkies all that much anyway.

Sure, there’s a Twinkie Facebook page, and yeah, there was Woody Harrelson’s character in Zombieland, but when was the last time you – yeah, you – went out and picked up a pack yourself?

Now before we get too crazy, let me just say this – I don’t blame you. Really, I don’t. Since before the turn of the century, we’ve all had the Atkins and South Beaches and Shaun T’s breathing down our backs, judging us as we peruse the snack aisles of our local 7-11s. And at 300 calories a pack and $1.50ish for two, Twinkies didn’t do much to help themselves survive, either. But the fact nevertheless is this: we did this to ourselves. We, as a collective Super Size Me, P90X, burst-housing-bubble society, effectively killed the Twinkie. Thanks a lot Jared.

As it stands, there is still a chance that someone – anyone – could buy out all of Hostess’s properties and rebuild the packaged pastry giant from scratch , but unless they make a conscious effort to health-ify their products (and really, who would want a “healthy” Twinkie?), chances are it wouldn’t help much.

The way I see it though, all this fuss is just a case of not knowing what you’ve got ‘til it’s gone. Kinda the same way everyone started wearing Michael Jackson shirts a few summers back. But let’s not beat a dead horse, and let’s certainly not pay $5000 for a single freaking Twinkie. After all, Twinkies had a good run, but this death has been long-a-coming, even before their Chapter 11 bankruptcy, even before the worker’s strike. So go ahead, make your DIY vanilla crème sponge cakes. Hoard all the grocery store packs you can find. Just don’t pretend you didn’t see this coming.

By Dominique Zamora

Dominique would be a foodie if she had money to pay for food. For now, she gets by just looking at food photography, which results in at least one more starving journalism student every time Instagram breaks down.

10 replies on “‘Twinkie Apocalypse’ – How We Killed the Twinkie”

Cause of Death: Unions. Period. End of story. I’ve followed this story for several years. The Union demands were ridiculous and unreasonable, pure and simple. You conveniently neglected to include hard cold facts in your story and instead opted to write a silly puff piece and simply chalk it up to a decline in sales. Perhaps you feel your readers would prefer a sugar-coated high school level piece rather than reality?

I’m with realitychecked!!
It is uneducated mindless dribble such as this article, that fluffs up real stories for our numb, please me society and keeps them blissfully ignorant of the real facts and issues.
True, this is a “food blog,” but that doesn’t eliminate the responsibility of an author for keeping it real.
Overbearing extortionist Union activity is the real story here. Dont belittle the significance of this national crisis by sugar coating the realities.
Stories like this are equivalent to ingredient disclosure on food products. The dangerous(potentially) ingredients are obscured behind cute, friendly, non-threatning or complex sounding titles, which keep the consumer ignorant of the real threats.
Enjoy your informative “food blog” – move along, nothing to see here.

“Hostess’s failure was compounded by having
six CEO’s in 8 years who had no experience in the bread or cake baking
industry. Despite their financial woes, the company’s CEO got a 300%
salary increase from $750,000 to $2,250,000, and other t
op
executives received raises worth hundreds-of-thousands of dollars; all
while the company was struggling. Instead of acknowledging the lack of
competent leadership and exorbitant executive salaries as contributing
to the company’s decision to close its doors, CEO Gregory Rayburn issued
a statement saying, “We deeply regret the necessity of today’s
decision, but we do not have the financial resources to weather an
extended nationwide strike.” However, Rayburn and Hostess management
claimed the strike would be responsible for closing plants even before
there was a strike, and they had made plans to close plants whether or
not workers accepted the Draconian wage and benefit cuts the company
offered, or if they went on strike.” – politicususa

P.S. You union-hating people. Look up all the things you wouldn’t have today if there hadn’t been unions. Educate yourselves. The almighty Corporation isn’t the Alpha and the Omega. And it’s certainly not a person.

@Lara: Well, my husband is a very health-conscious eater, but he would still love to have more snack food with lard available for an occasional treat. He’s allergic to soybeans, so he can’t have the 90% of the snack food currently available because it’s made with soybean shortening.

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