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This Is Why You Should Stop Being Skeptical of Pomegranates

pomegranate

I wasn’t present at whatever meeting where “they” decided that pomegranate would go in everything. All I know is that one night, I went to bed with my cocktails full of lemon juice and my shampoos reeking of “Mountain Meadow Mist” and then the next day everything from salad dressings to condoms had the word “pomegranate” on it. The hostile takeover left me impressed, though also perturbed, by its sheer audacity.

“Very bold,” I likely muttered, before thinning my eyes and concluding, “a little too bold.”

Like everyone, though, I came around. It was akin to one of those sci-fi stories where the aliens show up promising to improve the livelihoods of all mankind and everyone’s (rightfully) skeptical, but it turns out they actually do want to help us evolve.

For starters, pomegranates want to pump us full of antioxidants, which prevents damage to your cells. Pomegranate juice actually ranks as the fifth strongest antioxidant. You know what else is ranked fifth best? The Beatles’ celebrated album Rubber Soul and Aretha Franklin’s classic rendition of the song “Respect” (both according to Rolling Stone anyway). So don’t you dare write off fifth just because there’s no designated Olympic medal for it!

Are there also cool amounts of Vitamins C and K? Hell yes. You know what they do? They empower your immune system and help with blood-clotting. So, yeah, Snootypants, you’re welcome.

“Oh, but that’s probably it, really,” you’re already muttering, totally interrupting me.

NO, BE QUIET, THERE’S MORE.

They’ve got potassium, which you love because it super helps with muscle control and blood pressure regulation. I’m pretty sure everyone likes moving around and not having strokes.

“So these undeniably high-tech examples of nature are, what, made in Batman’s cave then?” you’re asking me, once again interrupting.

First of all, it’s called the Batcave. Read a comic book. Secondly, no, the total opposite! Pomegranates are grown in the sunniest, warmest spots around, and as determined survivors, they’ll even grow in partial shade. They grow on adorable trees with the fruits looking like giant ruby red Christmas ornaments (sometimes with a little pinkish hue thrown in for good, sassy measure).

Plus, their seeds are insanely stylish additions to desserts, given that they are 1) delicious and 2) high in sugar. Those seeds also pack a ton of fiber, which limits the effects on blood sugar levels, so it’s practically healthy, even in that regard.

So yes, they are, in fact, capable of pretty much everything cool forever. Thank you, pomegranates. I’m sorry I ever doubted you.

By Jake Kilroy

Raised by handsome wolves, Jake Kilroy is a liberal atheist vegan, so he’s naturally adored and celebrated at any dinner party he attends. Follow him on Twitter at @jakekilroy.

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