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The ‘Forever Alone’ Valentine’s Day Drinking Game

foreveralone

Full disclosure: my goal at the end of this list is to make you want to punch something. The wall. Your laptop. The jackass buying last-minute flowers at the supermarket for his girlfriend and his cute coworker. I want you to get so angry that your body becomes a vessel fueled by the universal hatred of single people everywhere, threatening to spill forth from your fingers into the face of the next fat baby angel you see, and then — when you don’t think you can take anymore — you’ll just  . . .  go to a bar. Or call up a couple single friends so you can all play Edward 40-Hands. Because that’s what happy, healthy, well-adjusted grown-ups do. Really.

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DRINK EVERY TIME . . .

 

Anyone who isn’t your boyfriend, girlfriend and/or significant other wishes you Happy Valentine’s Day

momtext

Picthx lol0

 

You get invited to a Singles-Only Party

singlesparty

How f–king thoughtful of you.

 

You hear Taylor Swift anywhere (and add a drink every time thereafter)

tswift2

Picthx tumblr

 

Someone posts a Facebook status about how in love they are

annoyingfbcouple

Picthx College Humor

 

Someone calls Valentine’s Day a stupid, corporate holiday and declares how happy they are to be single

singlehappy

Sure you are.

 

You see one of these bad boys:

 

You read this list

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TAKE 2 DRINKS EVERY TIME . . .

 

Someone Instagrams their engagement ring (add two if that person is an ex)

instagramring

Picthx weheartit

 

Somebody asks why you’re still single

justnothatintoyou

JUST LUCKY, I GUESS!

Picthx Collider

 

You go out to dinner and the waiter asks how many in your party

 

You see someone eating their feelings

 

You decide to eat your feelings

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FINISH YOUR DRINK IF . . .

 

You end up on Pinterest, looking at wedding stuff

pinterest

 

You end up on Thought Catalog, reading “The Perks of Being Single

thoughtcatalog

 

You end up on Facebook, creeping on your ex’s new boo

eecards

 

You end up on Netflix, period.

netflixamelie

Picthx Doodle Flix

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GRAB A WHOLE NEW FLASK WHENEVER . . .

 

Someone complains about having a boyfriend and not being able to party with her single friends

 

Your younger sister gets engaged

 

You wind up beating ‘Dark Souls’

darksouls

Picthx Polish the Console

 

Empty

By Dominique Zamora

Dominique would be a foodie if she had money to pay for food. For now, she gets by just looking at food photography, which results in at least one more starving journalism student every time Instagram breaks down.

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