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Deadly, Erection-Inducing Spider Found Living In Supermarket Bananas

A Welsh woman got the surprise of her life when she discovered the cocoon of a deadly spider on a banana meant for her daughter.

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Maria Layton noticed a little more than potassium on the first banana she pulled from the bunch, but when the more visible cocoon on the second one began to move, she sprang into action. She locked the bananas in a sealed container and threw it in her freezer because she had read it was the way to kill such spiders.

Layton knew what to do because Brazilian wandering spiders, aka banana spiders, have garnered substantial media coverage in the UK over the past couple of years. More often, they make their way into people’s homes, carefully hidden in the bananas. But in 2013, a Tesco supermarket had to be shut down for several hours after one was found in a box of bananas.

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The spider gets its name from the way it wanders the forest floor at night and hides in bananas during the day. Banana spiders are considered the deadliest arachnids in the world and can kill victims in as little as two hours.

Their venom can also create a four-hour erection in male victims (and is being studied for use in erectile dysfunction medication), but is more likely to bring about a rapid and painful deterioration of bodily functions if untreated.

So, don’t get any ideas.

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Layton’s bagged bananas were in her house for an entire day before she discovered the spiders, so she frantically tried to get help from authorities or Tesco, to no avail.

“I spent about an hour and a half ringing round trying to get some help,” Layton told the Bristol Post. “[Mean]while I had this potential killer spider in the house.”

Though she managed to get hold of several Tesco customer service representatives, they didn’t offer more than an apology or a refund. A spokesperson stated that it wasn’t their policy to send a professional out to the home to assess the potential danger to the family, despite the company doing so in other cases in Essex and Staffordshire, England.

Tesco’s borderline indifference could be simply attributed to the company not wanting to send anyone to Wales. I get that. It’s the New Jersey of the UK with more complicated accents.

Thankfully, no one’s been hurt in any of these situations, but this is additional bad press for the already ailing Tesco. Good thing corporations aren’t people.

Oh, wait.

H/t Bristol Post

Categories
Hit-Or-Miss

Cobra Head Bites and Kills Chef Even After Being Decapitated

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A chef died after being bitten by the decapitated head of an Indochinese Spitting Cobra. The Mail Online reports that Peng Fan was cleaning out the cooking area of his restaurant in the Guandong Province of China. The restaurant serves the cobra as a delicacy in one of their soups. Fan was in the middle of throwing out the severed head of the snake into the trash receptacle when it bit down on his hand. The snake’s head had already been severed for twenty minutes by then.

At the time, the restaurant did not carry any anti-venom for the cobra dishes they prepare. Fan died of from asphyxiation due to the neurotoxin from the bite before any medical help could arrive. While strange, it’s very much possible for a cobra to retain it’s motor functions even several moments after decapitation. It’s advised when handling dead cobras to either bury or burn the heads immediately to prevent them from biting you.

The spitting cobra was believed to provide health benefits for anyone who consumes it.

H/T Rocket News 24

Categories
Hit-Or-Miss

No More Poison Spider-Pizzas for Swiss Restaurant

If you’ve been trying to figure out the best, most painless way to get some arachnid-based superpowers for yourself, you can now safely rule out “pizza toppings” as an option. Experimental chef Ismail Ertekin’s latest creation, a pie topped with the venoms of spiders, scorpions and snakes, has now officially been banned from sale by Swiss health officials.

According to Gawker, the Zurich-based chef “crossed the line” by adding “medicinal products” to his food.

Extracted from homeopathic remedies, Ertekin’s ingredients might actually not be as deathly toxic as they sound. “Preservatives in foods are much more damaging than my poison pizzas,” Ertekin explained—a fair claim, considering additives as dull-sounding as sodium nitrate have been linked to causing colon cancer.

Ertekin made a similar claim a few months ago regarding the health benefits of his pizzas topped with edible 24 karat gold. “Gold is one of the oldest medical treatments in the history of mankind. Gold can really help the immune system,” he said. He also argued that his newest poison pies were quite popular with customers, who would use them to get over phobias of the creepy-crawlies.

Despite the ban, there have been no reports thus far of the pizza’s dangerous side-effects nor of masked vigilantes swinging through Europe. Guess the world’s would-be superheroes will just have to continue wishing they were at Comic-Con and sneaking into top-secret labs.

[via Gawker, croatiantimes]