Maybe the people over at GQ have all been dabbling with intense hallucinogens, or perhaps they haven’t had a real burger in a while. Or maybe…just maybe…they’re legitimately onto something here.
Gentlemen’s Quarterly, more commonly referred to as GQ, has walked out on a limb with this one in the eyes of American burger connoisseurs, most of which are not within reach of the burger. They have just announced that the best burger in the world is a…drum roll please…vegetarian burger! Kind of crazy, right? That’s similar to saying Caitlyn Jenner is the bravest woman in America: some people will agree, but the majority will think you’re batshit crazy.
However, the decision has received overwhelming support from vegans, vegetarians and meat-eaters alike who have tried it. So WTF is in it you ask? Unfortunately, nobody is too sure.
Brooks Headley, the former hardcore punk drummer and current owner and operator of Superiority Burger in the East Village in New York City, has been hush-hush on the exact ingredients of the patty, divulging only the fact that it has nuts (in all likelihood so that nobody dies from an allergy, what a nice guy) and some grains. Everything else is a mystery, especially since Headley is constantly tinkering with it in order to perfect an almost perfect burger.
Headley, who is a self-proclaimed carnivore, says that he didn’t create this burger for health reasons, but did so to create a vegetarian burger that, simply put, doesn’t taste like cardboard dick.
As an enormous fan of cheeseburgers, I can honestly say that I’ve maybe…just maybe…had one solid veggie burger in the history of my life. So the fact that Superiority Burger doesn’t have a single negative review on it’s main page on Yelp legitimately blows my mind. One reviewer only gave it two stars, but even he admitted that it was only because the burger is too expensive and has nothing to do with the taste. The burger is $6, get over yourself, Yelp guy.
However in Yelp guy’s defense, the burger does weigh in as a featherweight fighter, being referred to as a “slider” by many of the 300 sq ft restaurant’s returning patrons and first time customers.
Still, vegetarian burger being given the title of “Best Burger.” That’s gotta mean something, right?