Act Like A Boss On V-Day And Take Your Date To The Waffle House

With Valentine’s Day less than two weeks away, it’s high time to start planning your desperate attempt to swoon (or fool) your significant other into thinking you’re their perfect match. But, if you’re like anyone I know, you’re not even close to having a plan.

Before you embark on the annual nerve-racking, ‘don’t-get-too-drunk-while-praying-your-credit-card-isn’t-declined,’ Hallmark-themed date night, remember, romance has never had a monetary value.

But still, each year, on the evening of Feb. 14, for better or worse, lovebirds everywhere flock to the highest rated and most expensive restaurants they can find. Upon arrival they’ll wait hours for a small, cramped table with crappy service and overrated food.

Sound like a good time so far? Not so much.

That’s why, this year, I’m taking my date to the nearest Waffle House and I don’t care what anyone says.

On Tuesday, Jan 26. The Waffle House announced that it will host a ninth annual candle-lit Valentine’s Day Dinner at select locations across the nation. The Waffle House isn’t scared of commitment and wants to save you from a potential relationship-ending Valentine’s Day dinner disaster and is offering reservations to sweeten the deal.


Not only is having Valentine’s Day dinner at The Waffle House a fool-proof plan for the most epic V-Day dinner ever, but, A: your date will never expect you to pull up to The Waffle House and automatically shout, “We out here, baby!” And, B: What’s better than a fresh Arnold-Palmer and some cheesy eggs for dinner? Nothing.

If you’re worried that your date might want a steak, don’t even trip. The Waffle House considers themselves, “The World’s Leading Server of T-Bone Steaks,” and is literally making four T-bone steaks per minute.

If your idea of a romantic isn’t a valentine’s Day dinner at the Waffle House, then I’m glad we’re not dating and it just means more Waffle House for me.


What Your Valentine’s Day Plans Say About Your Relationship Status


Since we fancy ourselves to be highly unprofessional advice givers when it comes to love, we here at Foodbeast present to you the ultimate guide to Valentine’s Day. Whether you’re taking the boo out to a swanky candlelight dinner or snuggling in your PJs while knee-deep in Chinese take-out, what you choose to do on that special night speaks volumes about the dynamics of your relationship.

So, in honor of bad chocolate and fat babies shooting arrows in the sky, here’s a comprehensive look into what your Valentine’s Day plans say about your relationship status.



The 5-star restaurant with $$$$ on Yelp

You looked up this place at least 2 weeks ahead of time and made sure it had a Yelp rating of at least 4 stars. You also double checked the reviews to make sure it wasn’t one of those fancy places where they charged $50 for a plate of soggy fettuccine but justified it by the fabulous ocean view. You’re definitely getting laid tonight. That, or you’re both 60 years old and hate each other.


“The Happiest Place on Earth”

Why are you on the teacup ride right now with a bunch of screaming 5 year olds? Oh, yeah, because your S/O is convinced that the churros here are super authentic and the 2-hour wait for “It’s a Small World” is a great time for both of you to beat each other’s single-digit Flappy Bird highscore. On the brightside, you successfully snuck in a handle of vodka — hello, Space Mountain!


Netflix and Chinese Food Night

You’ve been together for at least 3 years and you both know what’s up. You’d rather throw on Ocean’s Eleven and order take-out from your favorite Chinese spot. You’re also the couple that farts around each other and hold contests on who can let one go the loudest. Ew.


The Buffer Group Date

You literally met each other last night but didn’t want to be forever alone, so you invited your friends as a buffer in case your date turned out to be psycho who owns 20 cats. Now you’re awkwardly standing next to each other at a loud dive bar and debating if you should hold hands or not.


The “Surprise” Picnic

You’re either a modern day Casanova who makes bomb tuna sandwiches or you just wanted an excuse to play “Such Great Heights” on the guitar while you both boozed up on two buck chuck.



The Overpriced Gastropub

You wanted to do something “different” for Valentine’s Day. At first you considered sky diving but after you came to your senses, you figured an edgy gastropub would be the next best thing. Now, you’re both nibbling on overpriced truffle fries and feeling super “hip.”


The Mini Golf Date That Precedes First Base

You’re in high school and you have a curfew at 10 pm. That, or you both just really love greasy arcade pizza and you definitely can’t be mad at that.


The Romantic Dinner at Home

You’re a romantic and after watching a few episodes of Iron Chef thought, “Shoot, I could do that.” Now you’re covered in spaghetti sauce and trying to throw in jalapenos for “taste.” It might not be edible, but gosh, aren’t you two the cutest?



The “I Thought You Didn’t Want to Do Anything” Date

You’re the chump who listened to your S/O when they said they “Didn’t feel like doing anything for Valentine’s Day.” You fell for the trap and now you’re alone eating SpaghettiOs and drinking sad beer tears.


The Anti-Valentine’s Day/Singles Awareness Party

You’re single and wanted to show all your friends in relationships what a poor life decision they made. So, you’re throwing a Pinterest-worthy party and only inviting your single friends. There will be strong martinis and you’ll be Instagramming the whole time to make everyone else jealous.


The McDonald’s Date


You did this for Valentine’s Day. Strangely enough, you are now single.


Date photography by Marc Kharrat, 5-Star Restaurant Picthx malteeze

Fast Food

McDonald’s Does V-Day Early with Chocolate-Covered Strawberry Frap


Listen up fellas, McDonald’s wants to be your one stop shop for spectacularly budget-friendly Valentine’s Day woo-ing. I mean, Adventure Time toys and drinks that taste just like synthetic chocolate-covered strawberries? SUH-WOON.

For a limited time, you can swoop up your own “Chocolate Covered Strawberry”-flavored frappe at all participating McDonald’s locations (which, based on the three local spots we called, seems to be most of them). The drink is a chocolate chip-blended mocha base topped with whipped cream and strawberry syrup, that tastes just reminiscent enough to make you wish you’d gotten an actual chocolate-covered strawberry.




Our local store had them for $2.79, $3.29, and $3.79 for the small, medium, and large.


Chocolate-Flavored Envelopes Are the Cure to Nasty-Tasting Snail Mail

Chocolate Envelopes

The folks over at ThinkGeek have come up with a genius solution for nasty-tasting envelopes: Chocolate-flavored envelopes. See those brown patterns in the picture above? That, my friends, is chocolate-flavored. It’s completely lickable, delicious and functional for all your V-Day greeting needs.

The one downside to this tasty invention is that it might be really tough to quit spreading saliva all over said V-Day greetings. So you’ll probably have to buy two sets — one for actual valentines and another one for snacking purposes.

Chocolate Flavored Envelopes $13ThinkGeek

H/T ThinkGeek