Categories
Drinks Hit-Or-Miss Packaged Food

Can You Tell Us What The Vile Thing This Woman Found In Her Coconut Water Is?

UPDATE: A spokesperson for Vita Coco claims that the object is more than likely mold, according to BuzzFeed.

What the hell is that?

Likely one of the many thoughts running through Barbara Kline’s head as she uncovered a curious item in her coconut water.

According to the New York Post, Kline was drinking from a carton of Vita Coco when she noticed a strange taste. At first, she believed she picked a flavored variation of the drink, but soon discovered it held an unnatural color as she poured some of the contents down the drain. She then noticed some clinking noise coming from the carton.

Here’s what she found inside:

Admittedly, we tried not to stare at this too long, having many food-related things to do with the rest of our day. However, we simply can’t figure out what it is.

Kline claims that she experienced “days” of vomiting and diarrhea from the experience, reports the Post.

Since the photographs gained attention, Vita Coco has offered to pick up the curious item from Kine’s home. Kline said, however, that she is hanging on to it as it is the only evidence she has against them. Still, we might want to look into getting it tested by experts.

So what do you think it is? An undiscovered sea creature? A moldy mass that grew a little too large? Or an alien scout sent from the stars?

Check back as we’ll update you as soon as we find out.

Categories
Humor

5 Reasons Being a Turkey for Halloween May Be More Terrifying Than You Realize

1. [Clumsy Cook Turkey Mask]: You could be wandering the kitchen one day just minding your own business when a freak accident finds you up the butt of one tragically raw birdie. You try to call for help but no one can understand your muffled cries. In your anger and anguish you blindly reach for a knife, cut out two eye holes and start chopping everyone nearby to pieces, taking revenge for the spirit of the turkey who now owns your soul.


2. [Gobbler the Turkey Adult]: In a bizarre turn of events, however, even after you’ve killed everybody, you could somehow wind up meeting the sole super-powered crime-fighting chef with enough strength to defeat you. He tosses you in the oven and single-handedly creates enough meat to feed a whole country.


3. [“Gourmet” Turkey Costume]: But your nightmare’s not over yet. No, while eating you, the five people you left living on earth discover you were holding a baby turkey inside! (Yes I know turkeys lay eggs, but come on – this is a story about a giant possessed serial killer turkey mask. Work with me.) Desperate and hungry, they extract the baby turkey and decide to make a “gourmet” turkey dinner with your child.

4. [Pilgrim Turkey Deluxe]: And then they decide to find your head, dress it in a pilgrim’s costume and take photos with it.

5. [Roast Turkey Baby]: But not before finishing the rest of you, getting hungry again and finally deciding to turn on their own children and dressing them up in turkey costumes to continue the tradition. Happy Thanksgiving, indeed.