It seems so obvious now, kinda makes you wonder why the study wasn’t published by a bunch of kindergarteners twenty years ago: The medical condition gastric phytobezoar (stomach blockages) can be alleviated with an ingredient that appears in Coke. The fizz in the soda helps break down blockages, which can apparently be caused by certain types of fruit, like persimmons.
Researchers cited 46 separate studies conducted worldwide over the last ten years, in which half the patients had their blockages completely dissolved by the administration of Coke, while another 19 did not require fully invasive surgery, landing the soda with a 91.3 percent success rating.
Phytobezoar is a gastric blockage which can lead to bowel obstruction if not removed or dissolved. There are apparently a number of different ways to treat said condition, but Coke is probably the safest, cheapest and tastiest. And for anyone suffering from a stomach blockage while counting calories, researchers say that both Diet Coke and Coke Zero serve the same purpose, thanks to a pH of 2.6 (pretty dang acidic), making all three products work like fizzy gastric acid.
So, basically, I’m not a doctor, but next time your stomach hurts (or you have a headache, or you stub your toe, or you’re stuck in traffic), try Coke first.
Disclaimer: I’m just kidding. Please don’t sue me.