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Hit-Or-Miss

Kinky Wife Sticks Fruit Up Her Privates ALL DAY For Her Marriage

People do some pretty crazy and nasty things in bed. I’m no saint either, I once asked a girl to hogtie me and slap my nipples like they brought dishonor to her family.

One reddit user known as morninglost recently posed a question for the Reddit community. I can sit here and try to explain it thoroughly, but I’d rather just come out and say it while picturing the shocked “O” face you’ll likely be making: she shoves fruits and vegetables up her vagina and leaves them there all day for her husband to eat when he gets back. Check out her short back story:

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Right now you’re imagining it.

Ok, now you’re wondering if leaving food in a vagina all day is bad for it, and assuring yourself it has to be.

Finally, you’re wondering what the hell is wrong with her husband. You’re also thinking, “food-stuffed vaginas have never once saved a marriage…well, at least none that I know of.”

Guess where those grapes have been all day.

 

Thankfully for morninglost, one of the commenters was a family doctor who gave a detailed overview of the risks associated with putting things that aren’t a penis into your vagina. Friendly as the good doctor was, his opening line was still a bit curious. He started off by saying, “I’m a family doctor with an interest in helping people explore kinks and sexual interests in a healthy way, but I’m not a gynecologist.”*

A family doctor that likes helping people explore kinks? Yikes, color me concerned. Still, he brought up some good points, such as the risk for toxic shock syndrome and sexually transmitted infections.

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I still can’t figure out what the “hot” part of this fetish is. Is he trying to ferment the fruit or something? Does he think he’s going to come home to some carrot vagina wine? And when she says things like pears and apples, does she mean the entire fruit!? Did Hermione use an Extension Charm on morninglost’s vagina? Because I don’t know how else you would fit an entire apple in there.

Also, your husband wants you to put food in your body, but not through your mouth hole. Perhaps I’m overstepping my bounds, but maybe it’s time to start looking for a partner that enjoys his food refrigerated, rather than using your reproductive organs as a way-too-organic storehouse. Just my two cents.

Hey, whatever you gotta do to get your daily fruits and veggies, right?

 

 

*Editor’s Note: This sentence was edited for correctional purposes, none of the words were changed.

Photo Credit: Google, Reddit, Vocal Health, Ebaum’s World, Self