14 Awful British Foods That Make Us Proud to Be American


This holiday, it’s easy to get caught up in the frills. Fireworks, grilling, the old red, white, and blue. But let’s not forget the true reason for the season, celebrating our liberation from our staunch, haggis-eating, tea-drinking forefathers. Think about it. If we hadn’t told GB to buzz off, we may have never created the Double Down. Girl Scout Cookies would only be eaten at tea time. French fries would be called chips and chips would be called crisps. Crisps!

So, this Independence Day, remember there’s plenty reason to revel in our independence, especially the fact that we didn’t get stuck eating that awful soggy grey stuff they call “food” on the other side of the pond. Sure Britain’s got its cool accents and nifty TV shows, but we’ll take a deep-fried twinkie over this mess any day:


1. Stargazey Pie


Pastry pie topped with fish heads


2. Jellied Eels


Like unagi, only gross


3. Haggis


A pudding thing made from sheep heart, liver, and lungs


4. Black Pudding


A pudding sausage thing made from pig’s blood


5. Baby Gaga Ice Cream


Warning: Made from human breast milk

PicThx Mother Nature Network 


6. Spotted Dick


Another pudding thing made with raisins; thankfully not diseased genitalia


7. Laverbread


Seaweed thing?

PicThx Neil Cooks Grigson


8. Sussex Pond Pudding


A boiled cake with a whole lemon inside. Why is it boiled?


9. Turkey Twizzlers


What looks like Britain’s version of Slim Jims, only a million times more frightening


10. Marmite


Yeast extract-based salty poop sauce


11. Bubble and Squeak


Medley of last night’s leftover cabbage


12. Pork Faggots

porkfaggot copy

Unfortunately named offal meatballs

PicThx Lily In Canada


13. Flies Graveyard


Giant raisin newtons


14. Mushy Peas


Not gross necessarily. Still sad looking though.


Happy 4th of July everybody!

(CORRECTION 7/3/14: A previous version of this article listed Pickled Eggs as a British food. They are British in origin, but can also be found worldwide.)


Spotted Dick, Nun’s Farts & More Foods We’re Too Immature to Handle


No matter how old we get, there are some things that will always make us blush and dissolve into a fit of giggles. In the same way that “That’s what she said” jokes will never get old, most of us (with a childhood) will never be able to eat a plate of spotted dick sponge pudding with a straight face.

Realizing this, the lads over at First We Feast compiled a list of 9 Foods We’re Too Immature to Eat. Naturally, we picked had to pick our favorites. It was the mature thing to do.




The juices from the leaves of the pandanus fruit, ahem, are used in many Thai dishes, helping boost the flavor. According to Thrillist, this peculiar fruit is also referred to as “screw pine,” which isn’t nearly as fun as “pandanus.”


Nun’s Farts


Nun’s Farts, or “pets de nonne” en français, are airy pieces of cream puff batter that are fried, re-fried and baked in the oven. Apparently, they taste nothing like you’d imagine flatulence to taste like, but we’re ok with that.


Rocky Mountain Oysters


No, these aren’t oysters, they’re giant bull testicles. Fortunately, once you get over the initial trauma of stuffing your face with balls, they’re actually quite tasty.


Spotted Dick


There’s nothing like a steaming plate of “mutton fat cut from the animal’s loins” soaked in custard to get you all riled up.


Head over here for more inappropriate eats.

H/T + PicThx First We Feast