Categories
Humor

This Is South Park’s Controversial Song About Yelpers [NSFW]

South Park Yelp

Love them or hate them, Yelpers have established themselves as talked-about figures in the restaurant industry. In last night’s episode of South Park, the restaurant-reviewing community became the highlight of food heavy episode.

The ever-growing supply of Yelpers became a major concern for the restaurants in the recently flourishing mountain town. Leading the charge of Yelpers, of course, was none other than Eric Cartman.

We won’t give away any more, but this one was definitely worth watching.

The episode concluded with a controversial song that’s sure to become a legend in the history of the series. Needless to say, it’s definitely not safe for work.

Categories
Hit-Or-Miss

These TV Show Foods Aren’t Real, but Our Hunger for Them Is

Have you ever been watching TV and started salivating? And not just from Red Lobster’s commercial with the cheddar bay biscuits (shit gets me every time). Sometimes, our favorite shows feature delicious foods that we will never get to try. Thanks a lot, Willy Wonka, for making me think that technology with the chocolate bar would be available sometime in the near future. IT NEVER HAPPENED. Anyways, I decided to compile a list of the foods that I’m most disappointed I can’t try:

 

Cheesy Blasters from 30 Rock

tumblr_ln8ddo7XVZ1qawe6co1_500

“First you take a hotdog, stuff it with some jack cheese, fold it in a pizza…you got cheesy blasters! And then Meat Cat flies away on his skateboard.” Admit it, that combination of ingredients is what dreams are made of. Plus the theme song sounds ridiculously real. I can hear it playing in between episodes of The Bachelor right now.

— 

A Cornball from Arrested Development

Cornballer

I bet you thought I was gonna say a banana from the Bluth’s banana stand. Sorry, I’ve had tons of bananas before, and you know what I’ve never had? A cornball. I imagine it being like a hush puppy or the outside of those little Nathan’s hotdog poppers. Basically fried corn and dough aka heaven-on-earth-get-that-in-my-mouth. I’m sure I would burn my hands in the process but it’ll be worth it “every damn time”.

— 

Rachel’s Traditional English Trifle from Friends

trifle

Sure, this thing sounded totally gross, but didn’t you want to have just a little piece? Were you not the least bit curious? I was! If you get past the sautéed beef, the other 6 ingredients sound pretty damn delicious. Plus, Rachel tried, okay?! She made an effort! Show some respect. She probably gave you your haircut in the 90’s, after all.

Duff Beer from The Simpsons

Duff-Beer-24-Can-Pack1

Who doesn’t dream of cracking open an ice cold Duff after a long day at work? Apparently, you can actually get your hands on this stuff via Firebox.com (whether it’s exactly like the real thing or not, we’ll never know). Try not to let your college buddy yell at you for choosing Duff over Pawtucket Patriot Ale from Family Guy.

A Krabby Patty from Spongebob Squarepants

krabby patty

As a kid, all I wanted was to get my hands on a Krabby Patty. Now as an adult, the desire has not waned. Why do they look so tasty? Can I have one with jellyfish jelly? Would they be soggy? I don’t care. I feel like Plankton and all I want is to get that secret recipe. If anyone is down to scuba dive with me to Bikini Bottom, please let me know. Serious inquiries only.

JJ’s Diner Waffles from Parks and Recreation

b1772-parksrec012711

JJ’s Diner has the best waffles in the world because JJ’s is located in the best town in the world – Pawnee. They’re fluffy and perfect and they’re served with just the right amount of whipped cream. I’m sorry, I meant to say a mountain* of whipped cream. Leslie-style.

Chef’s Chocolate Salty Balls from South Park

Chocolateballs

Very hesitant to write a description for this one. Are you going to take it the wrong way and think I’m being sexual? Probably. Whatever – if you say you never wanted to try one of Chef’s Chocolate Salty Balls, then you’re a liar. And maybe racist. 

Categories
Features

The 23 Most Ridiculous Food Lyrics from Kanye West

yeezus

Kanye West has been called a genius numerous times. Granted, it’s usually just him saying it, but it does takes a special kind of artist to put together so many food references in his lyrics throughout the years. He’s at a point in his career where anything he says can be turned into an inspirational quote worthy of Pinterest/Tumblr/Instagram. That’s how genius works, right? From his affinity for Klondike bars to the nostalgic description of his mother’s chicken soup, Kanye finds masterful ways to incorporate food into his beautiful music.

Maybe he writes some of his best stuff in his kitchen, or at a restaurant, regardless, here’s 23 of Kanye West’s tastiest food references.

__________

aDoritos-Lollipop

In 2008 Kanye teamed up With Lil Wayne for the Lollipop remix and graced us with this double entendre that almost solidified his genius with one verse alone. Nacho cheese has never felt so complex.

__________

fritos-popa

Kanye didn’t stop there. The very next line in the Lollipop remix gave us another chip classic, this time using Fritos.

__________

Flashing-Hors-d'oeuvresa

Kanye showed his versatility in this one as he dropped some French on us. Not only did he tap into our food fantasies, but dropped a literature reference. Some said it couldn’t be done, but Kanye can do anything.

__________

alors-on-dansea

Keeping with the French theme, Kanye jumped on the Alors on Danse remix and talked about filet mignon. Unnecessary? Maybe. Awesome? Always.
__________

Christina-Milian-Klondikae

Kanye is known to ask the hard-hitting life questions. He’s somewhat of a philosopher in his own right, kind of. In this verse, he put a spin on the age-old Klondike question.

__________

blonde-dyke-klondikea

In this verse, Kanye kind of answered his own question from the last quote. He’d do anything.

__________

cool-whipa-slow-jamz

In this one, Yeezy showed one of his innovative uses for Cool Whip.

__________

chicken-soup-hey-maama

In one of his more serious songs, this one really showed a nostalgic West as he honored his mom’s home cooking.

__________

Fridays-Gonae

Yeezus showed some pretty classic foodie alternatives to jewelry in this one.

__________

Gorgeous-Fish-Sticka

This one was in retaliation to a classic South Park episode where Yeezy was compared to a “gay fish.”

__________

guilt-trip-vodkaa

Yeezus has hundreds of libation references in his music, as most rap artists do, but here he displayed a special ability to rhyme, “vodka” with “blocka, blocka, blocka, blocka.”
__________

Heartbreak-Cakea

This one is a bit painful if you’re a fan of cake. Having to leave a party early before the cake is cut is brutal, twice as brutal if there’s Rocky Road ice cream served with it.

__________

I-am-a-God-Croissanta

Yeezus showed his God-like rhyming as he let out his wrath on a lowly French server in this one.

__________

kobe-beef-like-thata

A tribute to one of the most dominant duos in basketball history. Unfortunately, he brought up the break up portion of the duo’s relationship.

__________

Last-call-mayonnaisea

This verse is probably close to Kanye’s heart, as he talked about it being one of the lines that got him noticed as a rapper and not just a producer. The power of food.

__________

Lawry's-Good-Lifea

‘Ye took Lawry’s to the mainstream with this one and started a rap style that took off with rappers like Drake and Lil Wayne.

__________

mocha-workout-plana

This is one of the simpler workout tips Kanye gives in this song.

__________

Paris-Fish-Fileta

Kanye teamed up with Jay-Z in this song and asked him these rhetorical questions that he clearly knew the answers to.

__________

So-appalled-cheeriaos

It takes true genius to to care about lowering your cholesterol.

__________

Sweet-aand-Sour
Yeezy sure does know what to do with those extra sweet and sour packets that McDonald’s… oh wait, they never give anyone enough sweet and sour sauce.

__________

through-the-pancaake-wire

We get three food references in this one as Kanye sadly describes the time in his life he broke his jaw in an accident and couldn’t enjoy food. If you’ve had braces, you can feel his pain. Sort of.

__________

Touch-thea-KFC

Wait, KFC has a buffet?

__________

We-don't-care-Cakae

Yeah. This is Kanye’s music in a nutshell.

__________

So there you have it. If you don’t feel inspired to eat something delicious after this, there’s something wrong with you. Go bake yourself a cake and call it genius.

Main picthx Sepirts3

Categories
Hit-Or-Miss

From Duff Beer to Butterbeer, a Comprehensive Illustration of Fictional Brews [Infographic]

fictional-brews

If you’re a fan of fictional alcoholic beverages from years back (nostalgia alert), here’s a comprehensive illustration of “Fantastical Fictive Beers.” The poster features everything from Homer’s go-to Duff Beer to Family Guy’s Pawtucket Pat to the famous Alamo brew Hank Hill is seen sporting in Arlen, Texas. Pretty much any drink from a fictional movie, sitcom, or TV show you can think of, it’s on here.

Beer Group 1

Probably one of the best things about the graphic is that it delves deep into our childhoods. They’ve got  the late-great Mission Hill’s Gruber Hof, Mudder’s Milk from the Jaynestown episode of Firefly and even Samuel Jackson from a sketch during the Chappelle’s Show era.

Beer Photo 02

And then you have the more recently popular drinks like (Spoiler Alert) late Hank Schrader’s Schraderbrau and the wizarding world’s Butterbeer. The amount of pop culture research and design that went into this graphic is absolutely ridiculous and most definitely appreciated by yours truly.

[click to enlarge]

fictional-beer-poster

Of course, I can’t mention Samuel Jackson Beer without this beautiful NSFW clip.

The print is available at 18×24 for $28.

Categories
Hit-Or-Miss

Video: Towelie the Waiter

South Park is one of the funniest shows on television because they have no regard for who they poke fun at! In this episode, the famous weed smoker Towelie gets fired from his job at P.F Changs and decides to get high to see what he should do next!