Categories
Hit-Or-Miss

Science Says Knitting Burns More Calories Than Sex

sex-calories

That’s according to a new study released by the University of Alabama at Birmingham, which debunked popular myths about sex as a major calorie burner. The study concluded that the perception of sex as a fat-burning athletic activity was based around sexcapades lasting an hour or more, but that’s not the reality of most American sex lives. Brace yourselves for the truth, people: Americans have sex for “an average time span of six minutes per sexual encounter.”

That’s pretty depressing, and it only gets worse. Those six minutes only burn 21 calories. To put that in perspective: you burn twenty-five calories in ten minutes just by standing up. Your grandma burns fifty-five calories by knitting for half an hour, and most of those calories are from yelling at her grandkids to find her dentures.

True, having sex for half an hour would burn more calories than knitting would. But grandma’s knits and purls have a stamina that the average American’s sex life just can’t match. Long after your six minutes are up and you’re lying in a shameful pool of spent fluids and sexual exhaustion, she’ll still be clicking her needles together and daydreaming about all the awesome sex marathons she had back in the day that put our mere six minutes to shame.

H/T + PicThx Geekologie

Categories
Hit-Or-Miss

This NYC Dive Bar Offers Patrons Free Midget Porn, Yay

doubledown

Have you ever wished you could enjoy a good beer, solid food and worry-free sexual gratification all at the same time? Let me introduce you to the Double Down – which is actually not some weird, kitchen-based sexual position. At least, not this time.

No, the Double Down Saloon, which has locations in both Vegas and NYC, calls itself a “straight up boozatorium” and is known for its $4 “Ass Juice,” bacon martinis and yes, the hours of kitschy porn looping across its several television screens.

Here are some of the NYC location’s best Yelp reviews:

“Porn.
Three Stooges.
Bad Horror Flicks.
More Porn.

Ass Juice.
Reasonably Priced Drinks.
Attentive Bartenders.
More Ass Juice.

Porn-Painted Walls.
Photo Booth.
Pool Table.
More Painted Walls

I think I’ve covered it.”

Helen L.

“The place is laid back and not too rowdy unfortunately, towards late in the evening, the guys pointed out the midget porn on the screen and I was like OMG! That was definitely not on my radar when I came in looking for more booze and french fries.”

Neline S.

“The porn was strong on the next visit. Full blow jobs, money shots, Grand Ma action, and hentai.”

Mike O.

“Liquor and midget porn, you my only friends.”

Peter D.

According to Gothamist, the East Village staple has been offering up the best in free porn for years and most people love it. Though we’ve got to wonder how much longer all those “straight-laced” after work folks can get away with the old “I had no idea this was that kinda place I swear!”

Honey, we won’t tell if you don’t.

H/T Gothamist + PictThx Double Down

Categories
FOODBEAST

Foodfapping 2012: The Year in Sex-Related Food News

Face it, the best part of not dying during Mayan Doomsday is knowing we still get to enjoy the two things that make this life worth living: Food and sex.

Here’s some of the best, worst, strangest and most OMGWTFBBQ-worthy sex-related news stories we saw this year.

Enter at your own risk.

 

1. Happy Steak and Blowjob Day!

Celebrated on March 14, AKA “Valentine’s Day for men,” the day for all you ladies out there to “show your man just how much you care.”

 

2. Whiskey Dick, the World’s First Whiskey-Flavored Lube

The guys from Epic Meal Time made a whiskey-flavored personal lubricant, to use on Steak and Blow Job Day I guess.

 

3. Selling Sex Out of a Food Truck

Here’s a lesson you can take away from this story about a Long Island food truck owner who tried selling her escort services on the side: Never trust the “secret sauce.”

 

4. Japanese Artist Cooks Up and Serves Own Genitalia

Can you say sausage fest?

 

5. How to Drink Wine and Not Fall Asleep Before Sexy Times

Thanks to sex therapist Dr. Ruth, you can now drink wine with only 6% ABV, which is apparently just enough to get you frisky, but not enough for naptime. Finally!

 

6. Don’t Have Sex With Olive Oil as Lubricant — Or This Can Happen

Hint: Don’t make jokes about Pam Cooking Spray either, ’cause ain’t none of this funny.

 

7. Mushroom or Masturbation Toy?

That’s the question that plagued one poor Chinese news station, who unfortunately broadcast the wrong answer throughout most of Asia. Oops?

 

8. Chocolate Penis Cowboy Hats – Yes, Really

Say “howdy” to our little friends.

 

9. STD Cupcakes – For If You’ve Ever Thought About Banging a Cupcake

Brought to us by a few of the grody minds at Eat Your Heart Out, these disease-ridden clapcakes have actually helped to promote STD awareness. Hell, I believe it. Ew.

 

10. PETA Makes A Video About Carrot Penises

The secret to staying long and strong? Eat your veggies, apparently. Now there’s something you won’t learn about in sex ed.

 

11. In more WTF Olive Oil News: Don’t Inject Your Penis With The Stuff — Or This Can Happen

Answer: Your penis won’t grow larger and it’ll actually fall off and die.

 

12. The 50 Shades of Chicken Cookbook

Possibly the only good thing to come out of this year’s 50 Shades of Grey phenomenon. Because topless chefs and BDSM poultry? Hot.

 

13. Chocolate Viagra?

The EU is raring to release a “natural alternative” to everyone’s favorite little blue pill. According to Angus Kennedy, founder of Kennedy’s Confection trade magazine, “It’s an all-natural ingredient which could give men the legendary staying power of some of the world’s greatest lovers.” Mmmm, sounds super sexy.

Categories
Humor

Your Childhood Crush to Your Drunken Mistake, As Told Through Pizza

You know how the old joke goes. “Sex is like pizza. When it’s good, it’s good. When it’s bad, it’s still pretty good.” It’s an often-quoted analogy that has invited many an innuendo-laden response.

Categories
Hit-Or-Miss

Here’s How You Can Drink Wine and Not Fall Asleep Before Sexy Times

I know you’ve been there. Hell, you might’ve even been there last night, or even there right now (put your smartphone down)! You drank too much wine, and now you or your partner is too tired for snoo-snoo.

Lucky for you and your would-be frisky partner, sex doctor Dr. Ruth Westheimer (best known as Dr. Ruth) is releasing her own brand of wine that’s designed to make the night more enjoyable and less sexually cumbersome.

“My idea is that just the right amount [of alcohol] will awaken your senses and arouse you,” says the 84-year-old sex therapist in an interview with the New York Post.

Hitting grocery stores next month for $7.99 to $9.99 per bottle, Dr. Ruth’s Vin d’Amor Wine will feature only 6% of alcohol, which is much less than the 13% found in most wines.

A wine that will keep your buzz going without the same symptoms as warm milk and a picture of your grandma? Count me in!

Categories
Food Trucks

Selling Sex Out of a Food Truck, This Hooker is in Hot Water

What do food trucks and hookers have in common? They both work the streets! Rough times and steep competition are pushing food truck owners to either get more creative or more… desperate.

Long Island resident, Catherine Scalia falls into the latter category. This go-getter not only ran her own hot dog truck but also advertised her escort service out of it. Sex sells right? Wrong. At least not when it’s illegal.

Scalia was recently busted for offering an undercover cop a $50 hand-job. If I could give her any type of business advice, I would say price your hand-jobs higher to cover the possible risks and don’t sell yourself short.

[via: eater.com, photo: NYPost]

Categories
Features

Random Food Facts As Told By Hot Chicks [NSFW]

For the average horn dog, learning proper facts can be quite the challenge ever since the advent of porn, the Internet, Internet Porn, and the idea of porn in general. Thanks to the geniuses over at the Facts and Chicks concept blog, we can now observe the world’s most useless facts plastered over photographs of beautiful, scantily-clad women.

We put in a few hours of research sifting through their archive and picked out the food-related facts we figured everyone, male or female, could appreciate. Yes, some may be unsafer for work than others. Just a heads up:

Categories
Hit-Or-Miss

Junk Food Can Make Young Men Infertile?

According to a joint American and Spanish study out on Tuesday, junk food, especially those with trans fat, can make healthy young men infertile by damaging their sperm.

Fertility doctors from Harvard University and the University of Murcia, southeastern Spain, analyzed sperm for hundreds of men between the ages of 18-22. They found those who ate more junk food had poorer quality sperm than those who ate a nutritious diet.

All the men used in the study were in optimum shape and had no problems that would affect their reproductive system, The Sun reported.

In a separate study conducted by Japan that used 215 men, also out on Tuesday, discovered that exercise can be good for a man’s sperm. Those who took part in moderate exercise, such as brisk walking, can improve the swimming ability of sperm.

The lesson? If you want kids, exercise and eat healthy. If you don’t–don’t change a thing.

Via Fox News