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Hit-Or-Miss

Semen Cocktails Are a Real Thing, Just Don’t Bring Your Gag Reflex

semen drinks

The title alone, Semenology: The Semen Bartender’s Handbook, might make your throw up in your mouth a little. Written by Paul “Fotie” Photenhauer, as a follow-up to his 2011 cookbook Natural Harvest: A Collection of Semen Based Recipes, “Semenology” delves into the world of bartending with human semen. The pages detail (with colored photos too!) everything from  the Galliano Cum Shot to the  Slightly Saltier Caviar. Don’t those just sound delectable?

The author describes his compilation of semen-friendly recipes as “the ultimate handbook for mixologists looking for ingredients that go beyond exotic fruit juices and rare spirits.” Although, before you completely dismiss the idea of sipping on a cold glass of tequila-infused man sauce, Photenhauer argues: “People eat all kinds of weird shit. Eggs are the menstruation of chickens. Milk is the mammary excretion from cows. Semen is… at least it’s fresh and you know who the producer is.”

macho mojito semenology

He continues to explain that the intricate flavor of semen is comparable to the subtleties of wine or cheese, adding a “personal touch” to your recipe. Of course, Photenhauer stresses that he would personally never eat or drink semen from someone he wasn’t interested in having sex with.

For those of you not yet ready to try a new twist to that Pisco Sour, we suggest going about sexytime the old fashioned way and ordering your daily dose of protein “neat.”

Semenology: The Semen Bartender’s Handbook $20 @Amazon

H/T SF Weekly

Categories
Humor

Student Allegedly Gave Semen-Laced Cupcake to Classmate

A 16-year-old high school student from Minneapolis who allegedly gave a semen-laced cupcake to one of his classmates on May 9 is under investigation by police.

The boy apparently gave out a few cupcakes that day but only one “supposedly contained semen.” Unfortunately, since the cupcake was ingested by the receiver there is no DNA evidence to actually confirm the allegation. This testosterone driven teenager also threatened to burn down his principal’s house after being suspended for this incident.

Hopefully, this is only an isolated incident and his classmates won’t be traumatized by cupcakes forever. Then again, semen-based recipes aren’t completely frowned upon, are they?

[via huffingtonpost.com]

Categories
Hit-Or-Miss

Grocery Worker Admits To Putting Semen In Yogurt Sample

Yogurt typically has a white, creamy consistency, kind of like something else most people are familiar with. Thursday morning, Anthony Garcia, of Albuquerque, N.M., the man accused of putting his semen into a yogurt sample at a Sunflower Market, has pleaded guilty to those charges.

Categories
Hit-Or-Miss

The Best Apology Cake

The best cake I have ever seen hands down. Looks like this guy finished like a boss! Too bad it wasn’t the same for the other person, but at least they got a cake. (Thx funfoll)