Dear Foodbeast Readers,
Apparently, we’ve caused a national outrage that some have deemed “the greatest controversy in recorded history.” When we broke the news that Cap’n Crunch is a Liar and a Fraud, readers were both heartbroken and shocked that we had the audacity to utter such blasphemy.
— J.W. Cannon (@cannonjw) June 15, 2013
— rachel karman (@RKarSuperstar) June 18, 2013
While others were simply delighted
— Dan Levy (@TheDanLevy) June 18, 2013
As you read this, you’re probably thinking, “All of this fuss and tears over a jolly bearded man in a Halloween costume?” Our answer: This is the internet, purveyor of serious sh*t. At least, serious enough to land the story and cause a plethora of temper tantrums on Huffpo, CNN, Gawker and the National Post (check the comment sections, they’re great).
While we initially lamented over the discovery that the Cap’n was a commander and not the “captain” he claimed to be, many were quick to point out that anyone in command of a ship and crew, regardless of their rank, is considered a “Captain.”
That being said, we apologize for not consulting America’s beloved cereal icon first. Who knew that a two-dimensional cartoon character could cause such a monumental controversy? Luckily, Cap’n Crunch himself reached out to us to set things straight.
— Cap’n Crunch (@RealCapnCrunch) June 14, 2013
No worries, Cap’n, we’ve still got mad love for ya — even if you do shred the roofs of our mouths to fleshy bits.
Unapologetic Leafs Fan & Lucky Charms Enthusiast