Some people get so drunk that they end up doing something stupid, thus metaphorically shitting the bed. One man in particular got so far beyond that level of drunk that he decided to shit the counter…more specifically, the checkout counter at Kroger.
Colin Murphy, a 23-year-old muppet-looking hipster with the world’s most Irish name, walked into the Hyde Park Kroger right outside of Cincinnati on Sunday, May 29, reeking of booze and slurring his words. According to the police report, Murphy “entered Kroger Hyde Park and stripped naked in front of employee.”
After, presumably, swinging his dick around at everybody like he was waving to a friend from afar, Murphy then hopped up onto the self-checkout counter, also known as the “U-Scan It,” and proceeded to drop a fat deuce right on the scanner. Legend says that the scanner somehow picked up a barcode and priced it at $1.49 a pound.
Shortly after this entire fecal debacle, Murphy was found and arrested. Police charged him with disorderly conduct and public indecency.