8 Annoying Food Phrases You Have To Stop Saying

As a food writer, I’m blessed and cursed with the opportunity to try a myriad of foods and witness a smorgasbord of ways to describe them. The nature of my gig has led me to hear a lot of terms and phrases that are simply outdated or, frankly, downright stupid.

I’ve chronicled eight of the phrases that should meet their demise above all others:


1. “Dank”

Example: Dude, have you ever had Taco Bell’s $5 Box? It’s way dank, especially if you’re baked.

Why it shouldn’t be said: For those who don’t know, the definition of “dank” is “damp, musty, and typically cold.” Why the hell do you want a damp, musty and cold taco? What’s wrong with you? Now I understand that “dank” is stoner-speak for “my, this is rather delicious.” But why? Just go back to saying things are “bomb,” let’s keep it simple my dab city dudes and ladies.


2. “Pizza Pie”

Example: Mama mia! Its-a me, Mario! Luigi, make us a pizza pie with a side of some-a spaghetti!

Why it shouldn’t be said: Pizza, while technically can be considered a pie, is never associated with pies in any way. Most meat and vegetable pies, if not all, have some sort of pastry top and base. While many fruit pies don’t, they have the other aspect that makes a pie a pie: sweetness. Pizzas are pizzas, so unless there’s key lime underneath all that pepperoni and mozzarella, they simply shouldn’t be referred to as pies.

Geez lady, why don’t you and the strawberry get a room. Pervs.

3. “Orgasmic”

Example: Oh. Em. Gee. This Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Latte is orgasmic, I wanna marry the barista that made it.

Why it shouldn’t be said: I feel like this one is fairly obvious. If food is making you jizz your pants, you’ve got an entirely new and more important issue to worry about than what food phrases not to say. YOU EJACULATE IN YOUR PANTS FROM FOOD, BRO. Please, seek help.


4. “Falls off the bone”

Example: Dude, you gotta try these ribs, the meat just falls off the bone. Kinda like your mom when we finish plowing, hey-o!

Why it shouldn’t be said: If your meat is falling off the bone God intended for it to stick to, then something is wrong with the meat. Don’t get me wrong, this phrase is more often than not used for ribs, and many slow cooked ribs pull away easily from the bone. But falling off? You need to stop eating that shit, homie. Like, immediately.

Excuse me waiter! My meat keeps falling off the bones, do you have a stapler or something?”

5. “Gourmet”

Example: Have you tried McDonalds’ new gourmet Big Mac? It’s different than the old ones, because it’s, like, super gourmet. It’s so dank.

Why it shouldn’t be said: What the fuck does gourmet really even mean? Does anyone know? Is my car gourmet? Was the movie Eat Pray Love “gourmet”? My mom likes to think so. In general, I think gourmet basically means “this food was made with quality items and it’s not shitty and processed.” Come on, foodies, we can do better than that.


6. “Foodies”

Example: Hey, I’m gonna go hit up a gastropub with some of my foodie friends, wanna join? We’re gonna wreck their charcuterie so hard, it’s gonna be sicky gnar gnar.

Why it shouldn’t be said: Everyone thinks they’re a foodie. Just because you don’t shovel whoppers into your mouth like they’re going out of style, it doesn’t mean that you’re the authority on food. Why can’t you just be a human that likes food? Foodies are the hipsters of the food industry, so don’t be “that guy.”


7. “To die for”

Example: Kelsey, you have to try this almond peanut butter. It is TO DIE FOR.

Why it shouldn’t be said: Honestly, is any food worth dying for? Imagine if people literally died after eating something they love. There would be about 12 or 13 people left on earth. Please, don’t offer your life in exchange for that tuna casserole, there’s so much more out there.

This artisan sandwich is so pretentious-looking, I bet it went to Princeton and studied Philosophy.

8. “Artisan”

Example: Have you had the new Artisan Tuscany Asiago Panini? It’s to die for. It’s so dank. Any real foodie knows a gourmet sandwich when they see one. The steak they use fell off the bone, I’m sure. It’s legitimately orgasmic. And something about pizza pies.

Why it shouldn’t be said: Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know you made this sandwich with a paintbrush. Oh, you didn’t? Then it’s not artisan, Anthony Brodain. Slapping some sun-dried tomatoes on it doesn’t make it special, nor does stuffing it into a waffle-maker to turn it into a panini. Don’t get me wrong, I definitely believe there is a subtle and beautiful art to cooking and creating amazing dishes. But not everything you make is a masterpiece, Picassbro.

We live in a time where food isn’t just a necessity, it’s a way of life for some. That being said, let’s not forget that it’s just food. It’s time we took the pretentiousness out of food and went back to just eating delicious things. I mean, what are we, Yelpers?


Image Sources: Sadie Rose Baking Co, Huffington Post, Yelp, KC Parent


This is literally a Pizza Pie.

Pizza Pie


via Imgur


Behold: The Octopizza with Tentacle Breadsticks


As instructables user donedirtcheap explains, eating pizza by its triangular pointy ends is so passé and normal breadsticks are awfully boring. So, what’s the perfect solution to turning these traditional food items into something more riveting? Make an Octopizza Pie, of course.

The recipe calls for pepperoni suckers slapped onto tentacle-shaped breadsticks and a pizza pie filled with a center oozing with cheese and tomato sauce. Simply break, dip and eat.

Note: No Octopus were harmed for this recipe.

H/T Instructables


Apparently, the World’s Largest Pizza is Gluten-Free

What does 5,000 batches of dough baked over a 48-hour period get you? A place in the record books. Leave it to the Italians to reclaim their heritage by baking up the world’s largest pizza pie.

The pie, magically and masterfully constructed by five Italians chefs, contained 19,800 pounds of flour, 10,000 pounds of tomato sauce, 8,800 pounds of mozzarella cheese, 1,488 pounds of margarine, 551 pounds of rock salt, 220 pounds of lettuce and 55 pounds of vinegar. And if those numbers don’t send your mind for a spin, the pizza weighed in at 51,257 pounds. And, to top it off, this epic wonder of the dinner world is gluten-free. So you and your 50,000 other friends can eat it guilt free.

This blew the previous largest pizza pie record out of the oven, as the predecessor measured 122 feet in diameter and hailed from South Africa. Oh, and that was made with gluten, so 1990’s.

The best part, the chefs named their pizza Ottavia, because apparently, it’s ok to play with your food in Europe. They named the pizza Ottavia as an homage to Rome’s first emperor Octavian Augustus, whose love for pizza is history’s best kept secret.

via HuffingtonPost