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Never Drive While Eating Spaghetti & Burgers For Life [KATCHUP]

Here we are, another episode of the FOODBEAST Katchup. If you missed out on all the food news this week, fear not. This series catches you up on all the top stories in the wide world of food.

This unbearably hot week, people in Arizona were actually able to cook steaks on the streets. Like, right off the pavement. A dude decided it was a great idea to whip his wiener out at the checkout counter, much to everyone’s horror.

Kentucky Fried Chicken created a meal box that you can plug your phone into and charge it while you’re chomping on the Colonel’s original recipe. A burger chain in Australia says they’ll give you hamburgers for life if you’re willing to change your name.

Finally, meet Danny. This guy tried to eat spaghetti while driving and became a cautionary tale.

Check out this week’s Katchup!

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Guy Whips Out And Scans His D*ck At A Self-Checkout Counter, Terrifies Employees

self checkout

Self-Checkout counters can make grocery shopping a pain. The lines are sometimes just as long as regular checkout, you have to manually push buttons yourself, and now we have to worry about the stank from dudes putting their junk on the scanner. READ MORE

This Heatwave Has People Literally Cooking Steak On The Street [WATCH]

street steaks

It’s that time of the year where everyone complains about the hot weather, as they sit in air-conditioned buildings, and only feel the unbearable heat on the walk to the parking lot.

Sure, some complaints are exaggerated, but it’s safe to say it really is ridiculously hot on the west coast right now, as you can literally cook steaks outside using the heat from the sun. Some call them “Heat Street Steaks! READ MORE

KFC’s New Meal Box Will Actually Charge Your Phone While You’re Eating

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KFC has been very experimental in 2016. From tweeting a NSFW ad that obviously conceptualized a dude getting a hand job on a couch, to developing a line of edible nail polish that actually tasted like chicken, KFC’s been bringing the heat. With that said, KFC’s newest item is even more outside the box.

Well, actually, it is the box. READ MORE

The Terrifying Tale Of Danny, The Guy Who Ate Spaghetti While Driving

Spaghetti-Stk-02

Yes, we’ve heard all the cautionary tales that come with eating and driving. There’s something about crushing a beautiful sandwich during a long commute that’s just so perfect. Unfortunately, it’s also incredibly dangerous. READ MORE

Guess What Your Name Has To Be To Get Free Burgers For Life

Mr-Burger-Lifetime

Every time I pick up an Archie comic, I always see that Jughead Jones winning himself a lifetime supply of hamburgers. Though I’ve yet to see an actual person get themselves that deal in real life. Turns out there’s a Burger chain in Melbourne that will do exactly that. READ MORE

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The Katchup

Budweiser’s Name Change And The Strongest Penis Ever [The Katchup]

“Ugh, The Katchup is FINALLY back. Took you guys long enough, geez.”

Yes, we can read your mind. We’re also really good at recapping all of the craziest stories of the week, so don’t feel bad if you missed out on them the first time around. Although you should still feel a teensy weensy bit bad.

How can one determine the strength of his penis? One man found out with the help of three cases of beer. Ja Rule has somehow managed to be relevant again, but only because somebody threw a beer can at his head, and it’s hysterical. Good luck getting me to ever buy Dr. Pepper again, not after the “prize” one little kid found in the bottle.

Budweiser took a shot for glory (and pretty much missed) when they changed their principal beer’s name to “America.”  Somebody finally created a device that can make tortillas. Taco Tuesday will never be the same again.

Welcome to…THE KATCHUP!

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Humor Video

This Crazy Dude Lifts Three Cases Of Beer With His Penis [WATCH]

The feats human beings are capable of never cease to amaze me. What amazes me even more than these feats is the thought process that leads to them coming to fruition.

One Chinese daredevil decided to show off his “skills” by lifting three crates of beer using his womb broom. That’s right. Homeboy whipped out his spam javelin, tied it to three crates of beer and then put on a dick-swinging clinic for the good people in the room.

Granted, the naked man had some sort of standard harness attached to his muff marauder, which leads many people to believe that he could be faking it. Still, I tend to believe that if you’re attaching anything to your jurassic pork, you’re probably the type that’s willing to prove it. Guys don’t just attach things to their poon pillager unless they intend for people to see it.

 

 

Photo Source: YouTube

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Hit-Or-Miss

Get A Load Of This ‘Dick’ Spam Musubi

dick-spam-musubi

One of my favorite food Instagrammers, arguably the best account on the planet Earth for food pornographers is @EatLikeYoureOnDeathRow. She’s an amazing cook, she loves talking about dick, and she gets her Instagram account banned almost nightly for her food erotica.

Tonight, she just posted what she calls “Titi Spam Musubi,” which after a quick “titi” Google translate sesh reveals “Dick Spam Musubi.”

Not up on your Spam Musubi game? It’s a popular snack out of Hawaii that includes a slice of grilled Spam and rice, wrapped together with some dried seaweed. This one though…this one is shaped like a dick:

dick-spam-musubi-jumpie

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Hit-Or-Miss

This Chicken Strip Definitely Looks Like A Penis

chickencock

A wise kid once said that the best foods are shaped like penises, and he made a pretty good point, if you think about it. Not sure the quality of this chicken finger, but it certainly was penis-shaped.

A Redditor named DonnyGeeseGuy posted this gem, and swears that despite its odd shape, the chicken strip was still eaten.

It does have a phallic essence to it. There’s seemingly a head, a shaft, and even testicle-like mound hanging off the other end.

The user who posted the pic was an employee at the restaurant, and at the height of cleverness, titled it, “The Buffalo Dicken Finger.”

They totally missed a chance to dip it in some ranch and take the dirty pic to the next level.

HRJtTce

h/t mashable

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Features

17 Hilariously NSFW Dishes This Pinay Instagrammer Won’t Stop Tagging Us In

NSFW-Foods-Pinay

Instagrammer @eatlikeyoureondeathrow_, formerly @_thispinaycancook_ ,is one of our favorite food bloggers. Aside from her creative recipes and beautiful food photography, she’s probably of the funniest personalities in the Foodbeast Instagram family.

The only downside is she has a tendency to post a fair amount of foods shaped like genitals. Like, a lot.

Here are some of the gnarliest creations the spicy Filipina chef has produced. Obviously, they’re not safe or work at all. Some even look uncomfortably delicious.

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you know you wanna see them boobies!? GUESS WHAT BREAD IMMA BE BAKING MYLOVES? ill TAG the first TEN who guessed it right! GO! ??? A photo posted by @_thispinaycancook_ (@eatlikeyoureondeathrow) on

im switchin to metro pcs if i got no fcukin good reception by tomorrow LOL ? #youremindmeofsomething #pekpekmobulok

A photo posted by @_thispinaycancook_ (@eatlikeyoureondeathrow) on

 

 

to all you new to my feed… lemme introduce my feed once again to start 2015… ive change my username just like the hashtag ive created #eatlikeyoureondeathrow this is @_thispinaycancook_ lol just in case u forgot i post dick shape food… i am blunt and will tell you to shut the fcuk up if you feel too entitled in MY feed i am really sweet just dont be a dumbass i rarely block bc most if not all create new acct to troll & lurk my feed anyways then jack my caption & style ?? i abhor pretentious two faced bitches.just lurk lol my feed dont necessarily reflect who i am but its just a snipet of it i dont mind being known anonymously i rather bullshit with ten cool motherfcukers than fake it with thousands lame asses i will always post what i want i am genuinely grateful & appreciative to those that i bullshit on the regular i lob yu lon thyme? tell me your first name so i can address you by ur first name mylovefcukers YES thats my nickname : rho… stamped on the pekpek bun? TAG someone who needs edible dick in their life? redundant no?

 

A photo posted by @_thispinaycancook_ (@eatlikeyoureondeathrow) on

 

goin up on a… lol TAG YOUR FAVORITE PORNSTAR✨ ?? #eatlikeyoureondeathrow #foodbeast #eatgoodstayfresh A photo posted by @_thispinaycancook_ (@eatlikeyoureondeathrow) on

facetime. “say aaaaaah” #eatlikeyoureondeathrow

A photo posted by @_thispinaycancook_ (@eatlikeyoureondeathrow) on

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Hit-Or-Miss

This Food Stall Only Serves Penis-Shaped Foods

Penis-Stall-01

In a recent trip to Taipei, YouTuber Micaela Braithwaite discovered a food stall that served nothing but penis-shaped foods. Yep, take a second to take it all in.

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At the stall, Braithwaite was happily greeted by the owners who gave her a little demonstration on what kinds of penises they had for sale. A combination of savory sausages and sweet popsicles, the stall served penises in a variety of different flavors.

This included sausage penises with Thai Chili Sauce, Red Wine Tomato Sauce, Honey Mustard Sauce, Taiwan Sweet & Spicy Sauce and a Caesar Cheese Sauce. On the sweet side, there were frozen popsicles with a variety of flavors including a popular berry.

Penis-Stall-Taiwan

The walls of the stall were covered with photos of past patrons, each with a penis in hand (or mouth). Needless to say, it was a surreal experience for the YouTuber.

Check out her video below and get an upclose look at the mysterious penis food stand.

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Products

This Guy Started a Kickstarter for Dick-Shaped Bottle Openers

Dicky Doos

Any experienced drinker knows that a good bottle opener is an extension of himself. So what would a stainless steel bottle opener in the shape of an erect penis with their name engraved on it say about someone?

While chatting with some friends, Michael Wenz came up with the concept of the DickyDoo — a stainless steel novelty bottle opener that you can customize. Available in two styles of original and heart-shaped, the DickyDoo let’s you engrave a name on the shaft, making each one unique. While the original is pretty much just a dick, the Heart DickyDoo is designed to look like there’s a heart/pair of balls sticking out of your pocket.

Cutting Penises

Wenz has been testing the original prototypes for more than three years with much success, as the grips fit all bottle cap sizes. You can support the cause here.

Sketches

Picthx The DickyDoo