Categories
Hit-Or-Miss

8 Foods That Can Get You Legally High

Let’s say you want to get high, but your dope dealer is on vacay and your chump dealer only has the bunkest of the bogus. You’re up a strange river and you’re looking to get stranger, so you start wondering what’s in your pad that can launch you out of reality.

Well, before you start huffing cabinet goods and eating refrigerator parts, maybe check out this rundown of foods that’ll rough up your sanity to ensure that you don’t wind up with way more than you bargained for.

1. Nutmeg

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Season 4-8 teaspoons of ground nutmeg into your system and wait for your nerves to pop goofy with (mild) hallucinations. Given that it’s the sprinkling on the holiday garbage punch that is eggnog, maybe you’ll hallucinate the obsessed-with-your-regret ghost of Christmas past, the party-animal-drunk ghost of Christmas present, and the always-a-quiet-dick ghost of Christmas future—except the high you get from nutmeg doesn’t kick in for five to six hours and it causes really bad flu symptoms (think food poisoning), paired with paranoia. Not only does it come with a severe day-plus war with your own body, but too much nutmeg can straight up kill you outright.

2. Sugar

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Yes, here it is, the legal white powder. Sugar does up a balancing act of sorts, with refined sugar, as opposed to natural sugar, really doing a number on your body. Scientists even agree that you can get addicted to the stuff and go through real bad withdrawals from it. Natural sugar, like that found in fruit, is better for you, as it doesn’t get you as wild-eyed, but also won’t squirrel you out all madcap in the close-out. Ultimately, it’s not a bad thing that less of it winds up on new year’s resolution lists.

3. (Moldy) Rye Bread

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When rye bread goes bad, it offers some “good” in theory (God closes a door and opens a window, blah blah blah). Basically, once the common grain fungi known as ergot rolls in, so does the chemical ergotamine, which is used for lysergic acid (not LSD, per se, but a compound used). However, “high” is a seriously loose term here, given that it’s a swirly mess of madness and poison. I mean, ergot, aside from leading to hectic convulsions and gangrenous symptoms, more or less contributed to the insanity of everyone calling for the Salem Witch Trials. Don’t try this at home…or anywhere.

4. Fish

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Sure, maybe you’ve had smoked salmon, but you can’t smoke fish, bruh. You can, however, get high off a fish called the salema (also known as sarpa salpa). Found off the Eastern Atlantic and Mediterranean, this fish’s body can be eaten, but its head sure as hell can’t be if you have any intention of keeping a grasp on the world you’ve always known. The head’s filled with psychoactive chemicals, though it doesn’t often turn out to be psychotropic (depends on how much plankton and algae it’s had). If it is enough though, your brain’s seriously going to burn until you see a horrifying demonic alien warscape (think the Cronenberg episode of Rick and Morty).

5. Coffee

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This shouldn’t exactly be a curveball to your knowledge base, seeing as how half the reason you even drink the stuff is to shred your nerves all gorgeous. Caffeine intoxication kicks in a lot sooner than you think though250mg, to be exact (meaning a few cups or just a tall at Starbucks, honestly). But the real hellfire bummer comes at you full force in the fallout of 500mg. That much caffeine will toast your nervous system. It’ll be a chaotic mix of “I’m going to live forever” and “everything is dying” before lapsing into the latter with diarrhea, vomiting, convulsions, and hallucinations (that won’t justify your weak attempt to get high on the most available substance ever).

6. Chili Peppers

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The endorphin rush from peppers is notable to anyone, so imagine the body sensation of chomping down on really, really, really hot chilis. Given that hot peppers are in the same botanical family as tobacco and deadly nightshade, it shouldn’t be surprising that the ingestion process sends you for a wild whirl. Also, seeing as that chilis are known for their capsaicin, which can actually work as a painkiller to some degree, eating more means more effect. In short, it’s pretty much an insane rush that feels like a high since it botches your senses so rough and crazy.

7. Poppy Seed Bagels

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There’s always the floating rumor that poppy seeds will make you fail a drug test, but there’s a reason for that. They contain enough opium alkaloids, morphine, and codeine to do it, no problem. The high, though, is theoretical for the most part. Roughly 40g of poppy seeds equal a dose of morphine, but you’d pretty much have to be an alchemist to get the goods. Otherwise, you have to eat a total number of bagels that would kill you before you actually achieve anything resembling a buzz.

8. Mulberries

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This is sort of high that seems like all class. Eating a whole lot of unripe mulberry plants can drum up a moderate batch of hallucinations. But it’s that same quality of “not quite there yet” that’s responsible for the high that will be your end. The unripe fruit, especially in large quantity, will wreck hell on your stomach. You’ll be barfing pretty uncontrollably. Trying to manage that much puke high is like doing calculus while drowning. Stay out.

Honorable Mention:

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(Special) Brownies because…well, duh.

Categories
Hit-Or-Miss

12 Unexpected Foods You Can Eat Raw And How To Do So Without Dying

While many health-conscious folks are into their raw and juice diets, others choose to incorporate uncooked foods without thinking twice. We’re down either way. Although chowing on any food that’s normally cooked will always pose some risk. Here are a few common (and some unusual) eats you’ll want to think twice about.

Chicken

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In Japan, chicken sashimi isn’t a big deal. So, why do Americans freak out over uncooked poultry? The issue has to do with how large quantities are farmed and butchered under less than ideal conditions. Because of this, reports of salmonella poisoning are higher domestically. Restaurants that source chickens from farms with organic, free-range and exceptionally sanitary practices when processing are a safer bet.

Nutmeg

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This PSL spice base shows no signs of danger, so long as it’s eaten in moderation. Taking in extreme quantities may end in myristicin poisoning, which can result in memory loss and visual distortions.

Fesikh

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This fermented, Egyptian fish is fine to dine on. Of course, that’s assuming you dry it in the sun or ferment in salt for a whole year. Bad things (Botulism, anyone?) will come to those who don’t wait.

Ackee 

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It looks harmless enough, right? Wrong! Ensure it’s ripe before consuming. And avoid the black seeds at all costs, unless you desire something called Jamaican vomiting sickness. Ew.

Steak

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Many people still believe having steak that isn’t cooked to “no pink” status is dangerous. It’s one hell of a misconception. Tasty examples of raw cow include beef carpaccio and steak tartare. Like most things you pay good money for, leave it to a well-seasoned chef to prepare this. They’ll serve those dishes using higher quality meat.

See: We Ate The 12 Most Bizarre Things You Could Find In LA, Silkworms And Crickets Included

Potato 

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Raw potatoes are about as exciting as gnawing on celery. But if you’re as desperate as Matt Damon in The Martian, go right ahead. Be sure to avoid any green ones, though. Glycoalkaloids found in these can cause diarrhea or put you in a coma.

Fugu (aka Puffer) Fish 

Aloha Fukuoka! Yanagibashi Market

If you’ve got an expert fish monger, you’re good to go. Just have them discard the liver and internal organs before they make you ill. Cyanide has nothing on fugu poison: it’s 1,200 times more deadly.

Rhubarb 

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Normally pickled or baked into pies, this leafy plant contains a poison known as oxalic acid. This only becomes a concern, however, when had in large amounts. I don’t know anybody who goes crazy eating this vegetable, so don’t be the first.

Sushi

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A general guideline sushi purists have (besides never, ever ordering rolls) has to do with cleanliness. If they think for a second that an establishment is less than spotless, they won’t dine there. Same goes for the seafood. Busy sushi bars go through fish quicker, meaning fresher seafood in rotation. On a medical note, the Food and Drug Administration dictates that sushi grade fish be kept at freezing temperatures to ward off parasites.

Starfruit  

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As pretty as it sounds, you should probably only try starfruit if you have strong kidneys. Impaired kidneys can’t filter out neurotoxins, making starfruit and its oxalic acid bad news for weak systems. Side effects include vomiting, convulsions, and mental confusion.

Elderberries 

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This Harry Potter-esque item should be consumed fully ripened, minus the leaves, twigs, seeds and roots. Ingesting them too soon could mean cyanide poisoning.

Sannakji 

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I’d advise you to cover this raw Korean dish with extra sesame oil and chew like crazy. Remember: they’re served alive. If they fight back and attach themselves to your insides, you’ll choke! But man, would that make for a great story.

Categories
Packaged Food

Kellogg’s Releases Limited Pumpkin Spice Mini-Wheats

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Summer’s over and fall is kicking off with new pumpkin spice products. A lot of them. The latest in the seasonal trend is new Mini-Wheats Pumpkin Spice.

Kellogg’s is releasing a limited-edition flavor of Mini-Wheats that boast a pumpkin spice flavor. Made with eight layers of wheat, the cereal is given an extra layer of cinnamon, nutmeg, allspice and ginger. Y’know, the essential ingredients to making pumpkin spice.

The cereal is available in 15.5 oz boxes at all participating grocery retailers. Prices vary depending on location.

Categories
Hit-Or-Miss

The World’s Most Expensive Cocktail ($12,916) is More Expensive Than a Race Horse

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Remember when you could buy the world’s most expensive drink for only $9,000? Yeah, neither do we, because Australian bartender Joel Heffernan is now selling a new cocktail for $12,916 and we can’t remember anything once that much money is involved.

The globe’s most overpriced alcoholic beverage contains two nips of an 1858 Croizet cognac (which retails at $157,000 per bottle and $6,000 per shot), some Grand Marnier Quintessence, Chartreuse Vieillissement Exceptionnellement Prolonge, a bit of Angostura Bitters and some chocolate nutmeg dust to make everything taste extra fancy. We won’t lie, the sheer number of unnecessary syllables in the ingredient list almost had us sold on the price tag, and then we remembered that $12,916 could also buy a race horse, a house , or room and board for a year at Harvard University.

If you don’t feel like dropping that kind of cash on a single drink, don’t worry—there’s still hope. The patron who purchased the original $12,916 cocktail took two sips and then left the drink at the bar, presumably to allow someone else to taste true luxury.

H/T + PicThx to Eater.com

Categories
Recipes

Broccoli Cheese Soup

broccoli cheese soup

(Panera Copycat? You be the judge.)

What happens when you take two very very healthy vegetables, broccoli and carrots, and marry them with milk and cheese? You make them very, very unhealthy… and very, very good!

One of the things I could not eat as a child was broccoli, but put a bowl of soup with it in front of me (and cheese), and I was game. This probably goes for most of you, too. Those green trees just weren’t very appealing back then. Even now, for some.

When we came to the States, and when I discovered that this bowl of deliciousness existed, I thought that food couldn’t get better than this. Then, years later, I discovered Panera and its broccoli cheese soup – oh my bejesus! Now, for real, life could not get better than that! Have you had their soup? Holy yumminess! I wanted to have it every day (and I did for about two weeks straight) so I had to find out how to make this at home.

panera copycat broccoli cheese soup

During my long extensive search (Google couldn’t produce results for “Panera Broccoli Cheese Soup” few years ago), I ran into someone who swore that they had the recipe, and it couldn’t be any different than the real stuff. I took down the recipe, followed it to the “T”, and every dotted “i’”… and low and behold, this is it!

I believe it tastes just like it. But, you  be the judge – give it a go, you’ll see.

And for those that are typing it in their search box; yes, you will now find gazillion copycat recipes for this soup.

Broccoli Cheese Soup

You will need:

  • 1 tablespoon butter
  • 1 onion, chopped
  • 1/4 cup butter
  • 1/4 cup flour
  • 2 cups whole milk
  • 2 cups chicken broth
  • 1/2 pound fresh broccoli, cut into florets
  • 1 cup carrots, (about 3 large carrots) chopped
  • salt and pepper, to taste
  • 1/4 teaspoon nutmeg
  • 8 ounces grated cheddar cheese

Directions:

  • In a small pan, saute the onion in butter. Set aside.
  • Next you need to prepare the roux; cook butter and flour using a whisk over medium heat for 3 minutes. Stir constantly.
  • Slowly add in the milk and continue to whisk.
  • Add the chicken stock whisking all the time. Simmer for 20 minutes.
  • Add the broccoli, carrots and sautéed onions.
  • Cook over low heat until the veggies are tender, about 20 minutes.
  • Add salt and pepper.
  • Pour in batches into blender, or a food processor, and puree.
  • Return to pot over low heat and add the grated cheese; stir until well blended.
  • Stir in the nutmeg and serve.

panera copycat broccoli cheese soup

Please hop on over to Diethood for more delicious recipes!

**I am sorry about the missing pictorial, I had some serious troubles with my camera last week – baby girl got a hold of it… again. :/ Thank goodness it was fixed.

Categories
Sweets

Maple Bacon Brown Sugar Scone

Scones bring me back to better times, full of melancholy days where my stomach didn’t react so poorly after engulfing a dozen or so of these! What our teeth are hoping to sink into right now are these Maple Bacon Brown Sugar Scones! These baked goods are filled with cinnamon, sugar, nutmeg, butter, strips of bacon and drizzled with a thick maple glaze. Maybe we can take a page from our neighbors across the Atlantic and enjoy these scones with a spot of tea? (Thx HowSweetItIs)

Categories
Cravings Sweets

Kahlúa Bread Pudding

If I told you that I would rather go with some old fashion bread pudding over any dessert you have cooking right now, would you think I’m crazy? Not if you were looking at the same dish I am, which is this Kahlúa Bread Pudding. If you are on the Atkins diet or don’t like to splurge on carbs, I suggest you skip to the next post. For all you food connoisseurs, follow me as we get knee-deep in some pudding!

Categories
Cravings Hit-Or-Miss

Fried Jamaican Beef Patty

Aw, yeah! Jamaica… Jamaica! Welcome to the island mauun! Fried Jamaican Beef Patties are usually fried and filled with a mixture of ground beef, red onion, garlic, nutmeg, salt, brown sugar and all spice. Trust me, they are too good to pass up! Eating a couple of these while sitting on beautiful Jamaican beaches would be the life!