Packaged Food

Tombstone Frozen Pizzas Just Added A Sriracha Pie Called ‘DIABLO’ And A Bratwurst One With MUSTARD Sauce


Our earliest memories of eating a Tombstone pizza was a movie night were we rented Pagemaster from Blockbuster. Now, the frozen pizza brand has released two limited flavors that boast boldness at the dinner table.

Tombstone’s new Diablo Pizza is made with spicy chorizo, jalapeños, sweet red peppers, Wisconsin mozzarella cheese and a Sriracha tomato sauce. The Bratwurst Pizza features slices of bratwurst, green bell peppers, onions, Wisconsin mozzarella cheese and a spicy brown mustard tomato sauce.

Available at participating grocers for a limited time only, the pizzas sell for about $4.99 a piece. Each pizza takes about 17-19 minutes to bake in the oven.

Also, what’s Macaulay Culkin up to these days?


McDonald’s Allegedly Told Their Workers To Use Mustard And Mayo On Their Wounds


It seems McDonald’s has not only been taking a beating in sales these past few financial quarters, but also in worker morale. Allegations have been made about poor work conditions and the mistreatment of employees by management, reports the Chicago Tribune.

An advocacy group for fast food workers, Fight for $15, stated that McDonald’s employees from 19 US cities have filed health complaints to OSHA, the Occupational Safety and Health Administration.

One worker filed a claim stating that he slipped on the wet floor in the kitchen and burned himself. The working manager allegedly told him to throw some mustard on his arm and continue working, though he ended up having to take an ambulance to the hospital. Another employee of McDonald’s in Philadelphia had a similar experience. This worker, however, was asked to slather mayonnaise on the wound instead.

Did we miss the workshop where condiments help treat wounds?

A major cause of these accidents was, reportedly, insufficient training. A total of 28 health and safety complaints about McDonald’s have been filed with various authorities including state and federal.

OSHA spokesman Scott Allen says they’ll be investigating these claims thoroughly as they take all complaints very seriously.

Hit-Or-Miss Products

5 Basic Bitch Foods Turned Artisanal

In what are presumably auditions for “Pimp My Lunch,” hipster entrepreneurs across the country have been taking beloved food staples and tricking them out. Grab a Mason jar and make sure you abbreviate company in your official name:

Empire Mayonnaise Co. (Brooklyn, NY)

Courtesy of Robyn Lee/Serious Eats

Empire Mayonnaise Co. opened to the public three years ago touting small-batch mayonnaise and is somehow still open. Chef Sam Mason and designer Elizabeth Valleau run the small storefront in Prospect Heights, but also create batches for their webstore and several vendors, including select Whole Foods. You’re probably laughing while buying their baconnaise.

Jacobsen Salt Co. (Portland, OR)

Courtesy of Cargo Collective

Ben Jacobsen has been reimagining the most basic bitch in everyone’s diet: salt. His storefront, newly nestled in Portland’s Artisan Corner, looks a bit like a skit out of Portlandia.

Mustard and Co. (Seattle, WA)

Courtesy of Many Kitchens

When Justin Hoffman met Bryan Mitchiner, his DIY mustard transformed from a hobby into a business. Though the company’s barely been open a year, a laundry list of Washington vendors carry their product.

Little Freshie (Kansas City, MO)

Courtesy of Fillamental

Proof that Kansas City is getting hipper by the second, Little Freshie has been making specialty snow cones for more than two years. Their store has expanded into an espresso bar/cafe, but the focus remains on the snow cones.

Meiji Tofu (Gardena, CA)

Courtesy of LA Weekly

Family-run Meiji Tofu mostly supplies tofu to local markets, but keeps short hours throughout the week. Their menu is pretty small, but they rotate specials regularly.

Honorable Mention: Daneson (Ontario, Canada)

Courtesy of Catherine Renee Dimalla/Piquant Blog

This small Canadian company has taken to infusing birch toothpicks with everything from lemon to single malt scotch. You know, in case you want to treat yourself to some artis-oral hygiene.


Yorkshire Pud-Tang Burger Features Mustard Caviar and a Braised Lamb Patty


Picthx Pornburger


Artisan Flavored Toothpicks Keep The Foodie Train Chugging


You know the feeling when you eat something amazing and wish you’d never have to brush your teeth just so you can retain that precious flavor forever? Unfortunately dental hygiene is important for some reason, but these new gourmet toothpicks get the experience of never-ending deliciousness pretty damn close.


Devised by Canadian brand Phood Station, Castor toothpicks are the penultimate step in the hipsterification of the dining experience, which already included artisan grilled cheese, artisan beer glasses, and artisan salt. Each pick features a flavored powder tip and scented barrel to create such Whole Foods-worthy combinations as Pickle & Mustard, Bacon & Maple, and Marshmallow & Smoke. The brand’s logo is, fittingly, a beaver.

IMG_0478RS IMG_0506RS IMG_0519RS

For $10, you can reserve two 32-packs of your choosing on Kickstarter until Friday, though delivery isn’t estimated until October. In the meantime, I guess we’ll just have to keep eating raspberry and wasabi and root beer and fir and sake and blueberries and basil and strawberries, darn.


What 24 Pizzas From The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Cartoon Look Like IRL


As a kid, I loved watching the ’90s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoon. Who didn’t? One of the things that stuck was all the ridiculous pizzas Michelangelo and his brothers would order throughout the series. As the years passed, I started to think some of those pizzas could actually be pretty delicious if done right. Though it did take a solid 22 years for anchovies to grow on me.

Like his Renaissance namesake, who would have thought Mikey was ahead of his time. Using some hunger-fueled imagination I recreated 24 of the most disgusting pizza orders from the TV show and turned them into something you could order at a restaurant. Cowabunga.


Tuna fish, peanut butter and grape jelly


Tuna ahi poke on top of a bed of seaweed salad and drizzled some hot, melted peanut butter and grape jelly on top. Went more for color than taste. Ending up tasting great so that worked itself out.



Peanut butter and clams


Drenched the pizza in a cajun peanut butter sauce with four fresh calms. The heat from the sauce really made the clams, no pun intended, pop. Crawfish for garnish.



Peanut butter, avocado and extra pickles


A bed of guacamole topped with avocado slices, melted peanut butter and some sweet dill pickle chips. This is actually a sandwich I make on many an occasion.



Marshmallow and pepperoni


Pepperoni and cheese pizza topped with roasted marshmallows. The marshmallows look like haunting little lifeboats on a sea of pepperoni.



Marshmallow and asparagus


Asparagus and cheese baked directly into the crust and topped with toasted mini marshmallows. Had to many different versions of this one before I settled on this. Couldn’t be happier.



Guacamole and Marshmallow


A generous heap of freshly made guacamole and topped with a single marshmallow lit on fire. Kids, don’t try this at home. Grownups, go nuts.



Butterscotch, onions and anchovies


Onion and anchovies caramelized in brown sugar and a butterscotch sauce. Tasted great but stunk up my kitchen like nobody’s business. Do turtles have nostrils?



Tea and toast


A buttered slice of toast on top of tomato sauce and sprinkled with tea leaves, parmesan cheese and more tomato sauce. The original concept for this had chunks of toast drenched in tea. NOT. APPETIZING.



Chocolate sprinkles and clam sauce


A cheese pizza made with a hearty clam sauce and chocolate sprinkles and garnished with green onions. Not easy to make clam sauce pop on a pizza. Had to tweak it into a chowder. Master Splinter would be proud.





Chocolate chips baked into the pizza and drenched with a generous amount of hot fudge. It’s essentially a cookie.



Chocolate fudge with extra garlic


A generous amount of fried garlic on top of a pool of melted chocolate fudge. Definitely not something you’d order on a first date, but then again, are any of these pizzas?



Chocolate fudge, sardine, chili pepper, whipped cream


A cheese and whipped cream pizza topped with shaved chocolate fudge and red chili flakes. Served with a fried sardine filet in chocolate fudge sauce. Any nutrients that piece of sardine contains is neutralized by that mountain of whipped cream. I guarantee it.



Anchovies and hot fudge


Hot chocolate fudge drizzled over anchovy filets on a sauceless white pizza. Until the day anchovies turn into giant mutated fish that eat people, they’ll forever be my favorite fish.



Pepperoni and hot fudge


A classic pepperoni and cheese pizza drizzled with a little chocolate fudge. Just a little. We’re not animals.



Pepperoni and pickles


Cheese and pepperoni pizza with sweet dill pickle chips. The pickles add a crunch that can be heard all through the New York sewer systems.



Jelly bean and sausage


A spicy pork chorizo and sour cream pizza topped with queso fresco and fresh cilantro and served with a jalapeño jellybean gastrique. The jelly beans had us stumped but luckily Reddit came to the rescue.



Salami pizza with double yogurt


Two servings of vanilla yogurt topped with fresh salami slices and drizzled with blackberry jelly. If you can get over the idea of salami and yogurt, it goes down pretty tastily.



Shredded coconut and sweet pickles


Pizza is topped with shredded coconut, drizzled with hot mustard and topped with sweet pickle chips. Shredder would be a crazy handy guy to have in this situation.



Strawberry with anchovy sauce


Caramelized strawberries served with an anchovy butter sauce and topped with whipped cream. This one was the most difficult to come up with. Thankfully, whipped cream saved the day.



Hot oatmeal


Hot, buttery oatmeal topped with brown sugar, honey and fresh strawberries. It’s another side to breakfast pizza.





Truffle oil popcorn with parsley flakes and parmesan cheese. There’s a pizza somewhere under that mountain of popcorn.



Anchovies and banana


Caramelized rum bananas and anchovy filets. The pizza that inspired this post. The bananas and anchovies were the perfect balance of sweet and salty.






Hot goulash served with crumbles of queso fresco. After a quick Google search of what exactly goulash was, it was pretty easy to make.



Granola and licorice 


Vanilla yogurt topped with granola and shaved red licorice. It was a bitch to hand shred licorice, but doesn’t it look pretty?



Video for verification


14 Non-Huy Fong Sriracha Products You Need to Try Now


At Fancy Food Show and Expo West this year, Foodbeast discovered, to our surprise, that other Sriracha-based items existed in the world that wasn’t from the widely popular Huy Fong brand. Well, color us red. Between varying types of Sriracha sauces, condiments, snacks and even seasoning, it definitely looks like there could be some potential contenders for the Sriracha belt. While Huy Fong Sriracha is everywhere and goes great with everything, sometimes the idea of variety is nice to have.

For those of you Huy Fong lovers with a wandering eye, check our compilation of Sriracha products  you probably haven’t seen before.


Extra Hot Sriracha Mustard

Beaver Brand




Sriracha Chili Sauce





Sriracha Potato Chips

Kettle Brand




Sriracha Chili Sauce

Lee Kum Kee




Sriracha Mustard





Sriracha Chilli Sauce





Sriracha Mayo

Lee Kum Kee




Sriracha Popcorn

Popcorn Indiana




 Sriracha Chili Sauce

Sriracha Panich




Sriracha Coated Peanuts

Do Re Mi




Sriracha Seasoning

Dean Jacob’s




Sriracha Pepper Sauce

Most Wanted




Sriracha Coated Green Peas

Feng Shui





Sriracha Cha!

Texas Pete




Crucifixion Corn Dogs Are Real, and Just the Right Amount of Wrong


If seven-year-old Michael Procopio had a choice, this is what he’d serve after Easter Mass. Not blessed wafers that taste like sandals. Not bottomless, watered-down mimosas. No, if little Mikey P. called the shots, he’d know that Easter Sunday called for something better – something “delicious and filling” that “would still remind us of Christ’s suffering with each and every mouthful.” The answer would come easily – so easily, in fact, you’d think its inspiration was almost divine: Crucifixion Corn Dogs.

Citing the Catholic doctrines of Transubstantiation (the belief that the bread and wine become the actual body and blood of Christ) and fasting before the Eucharist as inspiration for the recipe, the Food for Thoughtless blogger mused that his Crucifixion Dogs would be “more substantial than a communion wafer, and more delicious, too,” but that “given the nature of hot dogs, you still won’t be certain from which part of the body they came.”

All it takes is a pair of wooden chopsticks, coffee stirrers to serve as crossbeams and a healthy amount of impiety to create your very own deep fried, mustard-drizzled model of Christ.


The most outstanding feature of the recipe, however, aside from Procopio’s mad mustard drawing skills, is his writing, which is made of equal parts deadpan reverence and unabashed snark. Par example, step four:

“4. Dip one crucifix into the batter, coating well. The batter should be firm and giving, but not run. If it is too dry, add a little milk. Too runny, add a little more flour. The batter is as forgiving as He is. Gently shake off any excess and lay directly into the pot of hot oil. Fry on one side for about 1 1/2 minutes. Using tongs, gently turn its other cheek and fry for the same amount of time. On the third minute, let it rise from the oil and rest on a shroud of paper towels to cool. Repeat until all crucifixes are battered and fried.

And his serving suggestion:

“Serves 8. To serve multitudes, pray over this recipe’s ingredients for as long as needed if you are perfect and without sin. For everyone else, multiply the recipe by hand.”


For anyone who’d rather shy away from blasphemy or who’s looking for something a little more secular, though, Procopio offers this alternative: “If the idea of squirting a mustard Jesus onto your corn dog makes you uncomfortable, you can still stay in theme by creating a condiment version of The Penitent Thief. Or The Impenitent one, if that is more your style.”

Historically accurate (?) foodstuffs, FTW.

Check out the full recipe here.

H/T + PicThx Laughing Squid