Categories
Humor News Video

This Knife-Wielding Monkey Got Drunk And Became Furious George

Trying to deal with a drunk man wielding a knife is a scary thought, but something about the unpredictability of a belligerent monkey parading around with a Santoku knife like a blade-licking psychopath really puts the fear of God in you.

The capuchin monkey (we’ll call him Stabby) simply walked into a Brazilian bar and began downing a rum beverage he found on the bar top.

Shortly after Stabby got his lil’ buzz on, he decided to pull an OJ and grabbed the biggest knife he could find. The furry alcoholic then retreated to the roof and began swinging the knife wildly at anybody that tried to get close and blow his buzz. At one point it even looked as though he was waiting for someone to walk underneath him so he could drop it on top of them, a la Christian Bale in American Psycho.

Eventually, Stabby was caught and released back into the wildlife reserve, only to be captured again and put on time out after getting a little rough with some of the local children.

Photo Credit: Cracked, YouTube, Fox 5

Categories
Hit-Or-Miss

This Escaped Monkey Does Not Care About Your Bills, Will Eat All Your Mail

Monkey-Mail-Cover
After a long day at work, all you probably want to do is go home, kick off your shoes and relax. What if, however, you came home and found a monkey going through your mail like a Vegas buffet?

The Town Talk reports that a Florida monkey escaped from its owner’s home in Sanford. Upon his freedom, Zeke the Monkey decided he was hungry and went straight for the nearest supply of food: the neighbors’ mail.

Monkey-Mail-Water-CN

Yep, when Sanford police arrived at the scene, they discovered Zeke sitting atop of a mailbox chowing down on mail.

As a distraction, probably because mortgages and bills are depressingly dry, the officers gave Zeke a bottle of water to drink from.

Monkey-Mail-Window

When the officers tried to catch him, however, Zeke jumped onto the squad car and pulled some molding off the roof of the vehicle. Sounds like a pretty fun afternoon for the Sanford P.D.

The monkey was finally apprehended when the owner returned home.

Photo: Sanford Police Department

Categories
Video

Monkey Caught Eating Grapes

Homeboy got caught red handed and still got away with it! I need to learn the ways of the monkey!

Categories
Hit-Or-Miss

Video of the Day: How to Peel a Banana Like a Monkey

My jaw is still dropped from the mere fact that for the first 21 years of my life, I opened bananas in a less efficient way than monkeys do. In a way…this may be one of the most enlightening posts I’ve ever put up…atleast, for me it is anyway. Eat on!