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#foodbeast

Nutella Finger Condoms

nutella-finger-condom

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Products

Beer Shower Koozie is Perfect for Drinkers with Separation Anxiety

The shower beer koozie

If you’ve ever had a long day, just wanted to pop open a cold one and take a hot shower, it’s now possible to raise your efficiency by doing both at the same time.

The Shakoolie koozie makes sure you never have to feel that pain of leaving your beer can behind when you have to step into the shower.

The makers of the Shakoolie “Guarantee a better shower beer,” and channeled their inner MacGruber by combining a suction cup, a foam koozie and industrial grade Velcro that when put together, transform into man’s greatest creation. In other words, a beer-can-holding, shower-tile-hugging gift that keeps on giving.

Not only does it let you drink and shower like a multitasking champ, but it also keeps your booze cold. So much win.

Alright, it’s not exactly a high-tech contraption, but you gotta love innovation for problems we didn’t know we had.

Shakoolie + Launch Pad $10 @Shakoolie

H/T + PicThx Shakoolie

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Products

Twist-Off Wine Corks Have Finally Been Invented

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After four years of intense research, a twist-off wine cork has finally been invented by the folks over at cork manufacturer Amorim and bottle-maker O-I. The invention is a long time coming and something every lush can relate to. You know what I’m talking about: That moment when you’re about to open a wine bottle and it dawns on you that there isn’t a corkscrew in sight; the awful realization sinks in and you desperately attempt to uncork it with a kitchen knife. This never works by the way, unless you want your precious vino filled with icky cork debris.

The Helix cork offers an answer to these unfortunate predicaments by eliminating the need for a corkscrew. The product features a cork with a revolutionary threaded finish, coupled with a matching threaded bottle neck, that allows drinkers to both open and reseal the bottle with ease. Once resealed, the Helix creates an airtight barrier that protects the wine’s delicate flavors. The bottles will retail around $8 to $15, aiming for the “popular premium” market.

Erik Bouts, O-I Europe president, assures that after extensive testing of wine stored in Helix bottles, there was no alteration to the taste, aroma or color of the wine after 26 months.

There’s just one catch: It will probably be another two years before we see this product hit shelves and change our lives forever. Until then, we’ll be over here searching the office for that ever-elusive corkscrew.

H/T + PicThx Business Insider, Giz

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Products

Cell Phone-Holder Cup Exists, So You Never Have to Real-Life Socialize Again

party-cup

Yo dawg, we heard you like talking, so we put your phone on your Solo cup . . .

This “Cell Phone Holder Party Cup” from Perpetual Kid is the whole damn package. Take multitasking to a nerdy level when you sip, socialize and stare at your better half, all at the same time.

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Although, we can’t guarantee that simultaneously dropping pickup lines IRL and refreshing your OKCupid profile on-screen will actually increase your chances of scoring.

Cell Phone Party Holder Cup $9 @Perpetual Kid

H/T + Pic Thx That’s Nerdalicious!

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Products

Wrap Your Cock in This Reusable Diaper

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And by your cock, I mean your pet chicken. Obviously.

Still confused? That’s okay, I’ll walk  you through it. Apparently, the number of chickens kept as pets (and not as poultry) has skyrocketed in the past few years, meaning that there’s an increasing demand for chicken-related pet products. And you know what they say — where there’s chickens, there’s chickensh*t. Enter the reusable chicken diaper: a festively patterned pouch that you wrap around your favorite barnyard fowl to catch all of the less desirable parts of chicken companionship. Because nothing says “love me” like “I am a bird with a thumbnail-sized brain currently strapped to a sack of my own sh*t.”

I won’t comment on the odor implications of this particular invention, but the diapers do come in two different colors for maximum versatility. And as for the whole cock vs. chicken confusion earlier . . .

chickengif

Diapers $12.50 @ Pampered Poultry

H/T Incredible Things

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Products

Finally, Finger Chopsticks for Eating Inconvenient, Messy Food

Trongs

Now you can elegantly stuff your face with a dripping plate of chicken wings thanks to Trongs. These small, flexible tongs let you pick up food with ease without risking the unimaginable horror of getting your fingers messy when digging through a stack of ribs, greasy fries and cheesy pizza.

The site touts:

What’s worse than that pasty sticky mess left on your fingers when you bread chicken cutlets? When you use trongs, your fingers stay clean, so you are free to answer the phone, pick up the baby, or anything else that gets thrown your way.

Answer: There is nothing, and I mean NOTHING, worse than getting your fingers stuck in a pasty mess of chicken cutlet fiasco. Well, aside from getting Spartan kicked into a bottomless pit of death.

Yah, that’s pretty bad. Aside from that, Trongs solve all of earth’s woes that get “thrown your way.” It’s like having real-life appendages to eat your food with. Think about that for a second.

Trongs (pack of 6 pairs) $25 @Amazon

H/T + PicThx Laughing Squid

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Hit-Or-Miss

TIL Popsicles Were Accidentally Invented By an 11 Year Old in 1905

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Remember when you were eleven years old and you accidentally invented the ultimate summer snack food? No? Then you’re probably not as cool as Frank Epperson, an eleven-year-old kid from San Francisco who made popsicles happen by sheer good luck in 1905. Epperson was making soda by stirring powdered flavoring and water together in a bucket (because apparently bucket beverages were the 1905 version of Dr Pepper) when he decided that there was too much effort involved, left the mixture outside on the porch and forgot about it. In the morning, the sugary mixture was frozen solid around his mixing stick — and the world’s first popsicle was born. Epperson patented the frozen dessert in 1923 and the rest was history.

We have a really hard time imagining a world without popsicles, because without popsicles there would be no popsicle stick furniturepopsicle stick art, or popsicle stick weapons — not to mention the popsicle stick jokes that taught us all what a really bad pun looks like.

So thanks, Epperson, for making a truly delicious mistake. Our childhood selves salute you.

H/T + PicThx Idiotsguide

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Features

11 Earth-Shattering Food Inventions that Will Change Your Life

As far as we’re concerned, food inventions don’t get nearly the credit they deserve. Sure, they might not be curing cancer or saving the world, but anything that keeps our cereal crunchy and automatically refills our beer cup has got to be worth a little fanfare. With that in mind, here’s a list of eleven food inventions that we’re sure are changing lives all over the world.

 __________

 

11. Anti-Loneliness iPhone Bowl

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The only thing sadder than eating alone is eating alone without your electronic devices to keep you company. Luckily, the Anti-Loneliness Ramen Bowl prevents solitude-induced depression by carving out a space for that special something in your life: your iPhone. Just don’t let it fall into your ramen, or you’ll be lonely and phoneless.

Pre-order Anti-Loneliness Ramen Bowl @ MisoSoupDesign

 

10. Spoon-holding coffee mug prevents eye-stabbing

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These specially-designed coffee mugs hold onto your spoon so you can maximize stirrability without worrying about getting a spoon to the face. We approve of any invention that makes coffee mugs multi-functional, but sadly these coffee cups aren’t available for purchase. Yet.

 

9. Deformed Caterpillar Polar Bear Ice Cube Maker

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This Brrrrr ice cube maker from Black + Blum might look like the result of some really freaky inter-species sexcapades (if the polar bear/caterpillar orgy included a brief cameo by a manhole cover) but it’s actually the most efficient ice-cube maker we’ve ever seen. There’s no overflow and no mess, and explaining the bizarre plastic animal living in your freezer is the perfect icebreaker for any party.

Brrrrr $20 @Black + Blum

 

8. Wine-saving container makes corks obsolete

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This swagged-out reusable wine container keeps your leftover vino fresh for seven whole days after you open it — way longer than even the fanciest reusable wine cork.

Savino $50 @ MyShopify

 

7. Tongue-Glove Toothbrush is not creepy at all

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You might’ve thought that brushing your teeth while sitting on the toilet was the height of oral hygiene efficiency, but you were wrong. This is a toothbrush that 1) comes with built-in toothpaste, and 2) lets you clean out those food-packed molars any time, anywhere, with no one else the wiser. Stealthy, convenient, and efficient — we’re pretty sure this is the Batman of oral care aisle.

Toothbrush soon to be released at Tongue to Teeth

 

6. The Ultimate Breakfast Robot

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Okay, so it’s really just a five-level automated breakfast machine that takes less than five minutes to whip up eggs, toast, ham, and cheese for you while you sit at the table in your underwear. The ultimate breakfast robot would also pour you a glass of orange juice and fry up some bacon on the side, but we’re not picky. We just like breakfast.

Breakfast Sandwich Maker $30 @Hamilton Beach

 

5. Forever crunchy cereal bowl is decades late

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Any invention that maximizes cereal crunchiness and kills the dreaded soggy factor has our vote. We only wish this breakfast-saving invention had come out decades ago.

Eatmecrunchy $11 @Eatmecrunchy

 

4. iPhone Coffee Holder solves all #firstworldproblems

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We love it when human ingenuity focuses on the important questions, like: “How can I text with both hands without spilling my latte?” The makers of this mug understand that we love texting (and the internet) almost as much as we love our daily caffeine fix, and we salute them for it.

Uppercup $25 @Indiegogo

 

3. Individual fondue mugs let you double-dip with no regard for the law

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Everything about an individually-sized fondue mug makes us tingle in places we probably shouldn’t talk about on the internet. The twin fondue mugs are way more portable than traditional fondue pots and will let you double-dip to your heart’s content, plus they come with little tea lights for maximum melted deliciousness. Can you say perfection?

Fondue Mugs $15Amazon

 

2. Keyboard with built-in plate fights off stray bacon grease

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We’ll be completely honest: Our jaws dropped when we saw this. Seriously, a plate that lets you eat at your computer while also protecting your keyboard from stray breadcrumbs and bacon grease? Every laptop should come with one of these babies stapled to the packaging. Sadly, this invention isn’t available for purchase; it was part of an art exhibit and isn’t being mass-produced. Sad day.

 

1. Ultimate beer-dispensing armchair is the height of human ingenuity

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We saved the best for last with this beautiful Bottoms Up Armchair. This magnificent example of booze-motivated engineering automatically refills beer cups using a specially designed dispensing tap, which means you can get properly wasted without ever having to leave your seat. It’s what happens when ultimate comfort meets ultimate practicality, and we’re pretty sure that this is what true love looks like.

Bottoms Up Chair $1,149.99 @Bottoms Up