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#foodbeast Alcohol Beer FOODBEAST Grocery Hit-Or-Miss Humor

Here’s What A Lot Of Americans Ordered During Last Year’s 4th Of July Weekend

Whether you’re celebrating this 4th of July weekend indoors or raging with a hundred of your closest homies, you know the party’s over if you run out of booze.

If you’re ill prepared or already too wasted to make a trip to the store, we’re quite lucky to live in a world where delivery service apps can be the real MVPs in our time of need.

Online convenience store/delivery app, GoPuff, a service that promises delivery within 30 minutes, shares some data on what people ordered over their app during Independence Day celebrations. While the data is a small sample size, their service is in many major cities across America, including New York, D.C., Seattle, Phoenix, Philadelphia, Boston, and Chicago.

In all honesty, the following data is a tad bit surprising. Well, maybe disappointing might be a word more suitable.

According to the metrics given to us by GoPuff, the most ordered drink by users of their app on July 4th 2016 was Natural Light. Probably better known as “Natty Light” or “Holy shit this beer is disgusting!” Really though? Natty Light is like the “I remember my first beer” of beers.

Well… okay America. Either ya’ll are celebrating your patriotism by purchasing the most American brands of beer (Bud Light came in 2nd), or you’re just going out of your way to look for a hangover the next day. Who knows, maybe they were looking for the most inexpensive way to have the most rounds of beer pong. I’m not trying to judge.

Most ordered drinks on 4th of July 2016:
1. Natural Light
2. Bud Light
3. Chandon Brut Classic
4. Rolling Rock
5. Absolut Vodka

GoPuff also hit us with the top hangover foods ordered by their users the following day. And judging by what drinks were most ordered, I’m thinking the food orders was kept on the simple side.

The top spot goes to Easy Mac probably because it takes the least effort to cook. With a massive headache, dizziness, and nausea keeping you demoralized, microwaveable mac n cheese might have been the right choice.

Most ordered hangover foods on July 5th:
1. Easy Mac
2. Bagel Bites
3. Ice Cream
4. Ramen Noodles
5. Eggs

The Fourth of July is one of the busiest drinking days of the year in America, but let’s not let the celebration of our country’s independence be a reason for tomfoolery. Always remember to be safe this holiday weekend, don’t drink and drive, and live to see the next holiday.

Categories
Humor

14 Awful British Foods That Make Us Proud to Be American

haggis

This holiday, it’s easy to get caught up in the frills. Fireworks, grilling, the old red, white, and blue. But let’s not forget the true reason for the season, celebrating our liberation from our staunch, haggis-eating, tea-drinking forefathers. Think about it. If we hadn’t told GB to buzz off, we may have never created the Double Down. Girl Scout Cookies would only be eaten at tea time. French fries would be called chips and chips would be called crisps. Crisps!

So, this Independence Day, remember there’s plenty reason to revel in our independence, especially the fact that we didn’t get stuck eating that awful soggy grey stuff they call “food” on the other side of the pond. Sure Britain’s got its cool accents and nifty TV shows, but we’ll take a deep-fried twinkie over this mess any day:

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1. Stargazey Pie

stargazy

Pastry pie topped with fish heads

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2. Jellied Eels

jelliedeeg

Like unagi, only gross

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3. Haggis

haggis

A pudding thing made from sheep heart, liver, and lungs

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4. Black Pudding

blackpudding

A pudding sausage thing made from pig’s blood

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5. Baby Gaga Ice Cream

babygaga

Warning: Made from human breast milk

PicThx Mother Nature Network 

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6. Spotted Dick

spotteddick

Another pudding thing made with raisins; thankfully not diseased genitalia

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7. Laverbread

leverbread

Seaweed thing?

PicThx Neil Cooks Grigson

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8. Sussex Pond Pudding

sussex

A boiled cake with a whole lemon inside. Why is it boiled?

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9. Turkey Twizzlers

twizzlers

What looks like Britain’s version of Slim Jims, only a million times more frightening

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10. Marmite

marmite

Yeast extract-based salty poop sauce

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11. Bubble and Squeak

bubble

Medley of last night’s leftover cabbage

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12. Pork Faggots

porkfaggot copy

Unfortunately named offal meatballs

PicThx Lily In Canada

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13. Flies Graveyard

fliesgraveyard

Giant raisin newtons

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14. Mushy Peas

peas

Not gross necessarily. Still sad looking though.

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Happy 4th of July everybody!

(CORRECTION 7/3/14: A previous version of this article listed Pickled Eggs as a British food. They are British in origin, but can also be found worldwide.)

Categories
Sweets

‘Murica Now Has Red, White, and Blue Candy Corn for 4th of July

candycorn

We already have Halloween candy corn and Valentine’s Day candy corn and even Jesus candy corn, so sure, why not give Independence Day candy corn a spin?

According to a photo spotted on The Impulsive Buy, new “Celebration” Candy Corn by Brach’s is strawberry, vanilla, and blueberry-flavored and made with real honey, and, we’re assuming, pure extract of capitalism. It’s hard to think of anything more culturally appropriate.

Here’s to hoping for sweet potato candy corn for Thanksgiving, cherry candy corn for Washington’s Birthday, and smallpox candy corn for Columbus Day. We’d also like greeting cards.

Categories
Features

The Most Patriotic Beers in America

beer-am-1

It’s no secret that America adores their beer in the same way that they adore their firstborn child. A cold, crisp brew is the blood, sweat and tears of this country, or something like that. Either way, check out this list of “quintessentially American brews” by the folks over at Thrillist. Here are our personal picks from their whopping list of 50. Take a gander below.

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Ol’ Glory

br-2

Not many beers go so far as to say they’re brewed with patriotism. Or include the Pledge of Allegiance on their packaging. Or… well, just look at their website. Just don’t buy their robot insurance.

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Budweiser, Anheuser-Busch

br-3

Okay, so yes, Budweiser is totally no longer American-owned, but that’s capitalism, right? And capitalism is American, is it not? And, I mean, look at the American flag cases in the shape of a tank!

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Lone Star

br-4

Sure, it’s the self-proclaimed “National Beer of Texas”, and sure, Texas makes occasional noise about seceding, but for now you’re part of us, Texans, along with your cheap beer of choice.

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American Patriot Beer

br-5

This brew was conceived in St. Louis in response to a certain previously mentioned brewery being sold to foreign overlords. Capitalism may be patriotic, but so is starting a protest brewery. There’s room for everyone!

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Homefront IPA

br-6

This special release IPA is a collaborative effort between numerous breweries (this is Cigar City’s label from last year), with proceeds benefitting military families. Oh, and it’s also aged on Louisville Slugger baseball bats.

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Brew Free! Or Die IPA, 21st Amendment

br-7

This San Francisco crew is definitely no stranger to American-themed brews, but it’s hard to argue with their Mount Rushmore-flashing, liberty-touting flagship IPA.

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Founding Father’s Lager

br--8

This is another brew whose sale benefits military charities and, well, I mean, look at the label.

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Pabst Blue Ribbon

 

br-10

Shortened to PBR by… pretty much everyone, its present association with hipsterdom to the point of cliche obscures the fact that it either won a blue ribbon at the 1893 World’s Columbian Exposition, or lied and said it did for marketing purposes. Either way — industrious!

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American Beer, Pittsburgh Brewing Company

beer-am-1

This looks like the beer Captain America would drink after a hard day of crime-fighting. Did Captain America drink? He probably didn’t. I am not that well-versed in comic books. Either way, this seems like a good fit for him.

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American Amber Ale, Rogue Brewing Company

br-9

Sometimes it’s just as simple as an impeccable blend of hops and malt and some quintessentially American label art, as it is with this longtime favorite from the prolific Oregon brewers.

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Head over here to peek the rest of the 50 Most Patriotic Beers in America!

H/T + PicThx Thrillist

Categories
Features

Back to Basics: Snazz Up Your 4th of July with These Simple Recipe Tweaks

guac

Are you still waking up on Independence Morning, scrambling into your local Ralph’s and grabbing all the pre-made 7-Layer Dips and bacon-wrapped hot dogs you can find? You deserve better and luckily for you, whipping up a vastly improved 4th of July feast isn’t that hard to do. So leave your basic onions, mustards and ketchups at your college roommate’s house and try your hand at any of these gussied-up versions of some of your favorite barbecue staples, compiled by our friends at First We Feast. From chunky cilantro guacamole to spicy Sriracha shrimp skewers, good food doesn’t have to be complicated. It should, however, taste phenomenal.

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Rest Your Bacon Wrapped Hot Dog On a Bed of Bean Sprout Slaw

yumdogs

A more Asian take on the infamous bacon-wrapped Tijuana “Danger Dogs,” all you need is to wash and season some bean sprouts and misc. veggies with salt, pepper, sugar and rice vinegar and then bury them beneath Sriracha mayo and a bacon wrapped dog. Thick-cut applewood is probably best, because moar bacon is always better.

(Recipe)

 

Use Mostly Solid Avocados In Your Guacamole

guac

Store-bought guac can be too bland and mushy, but this version uses only lightly-crushed avocados mixed with chopped cilantro and minced serrano or jalapeno chilies so you can really taste the dip.

(Recipe)

 

Drizzle Your Corn with Lime, Parmesan and Chili

corn

If you’ve never had Mexican corn, what have you been doing with your life. “Creamy, tangy, spicy and sweet all at once,” this roasted recipe will have you never eating regular old buttered corn again.

(Recipe)

 

Marinate Your Shrimp With Sriracha and Sugar

shrimp

Sriracha, olive oil, Worcestershire, sugar and cilantro caramelize over these grilled shrimps for the perfect finger food. Plus it’s shrimp season, so why go back to your typical chicken or beef?

(Recipe)

 

Ditch the Spaghetti and Meatballs For Penne and Herbs

penne

Finally, proof that pasta doesn’t need meat to be delicious. Just toss everything together for a cool upgrade to your aunt’s infamous “spaghetti.”

(Recipe)

 

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Check out the rest of the list over at First We Feast!

Picthx FWF, Food 52

Categories
Cravings

It’s a Deep-Fried Bacon Cheeseburger, because ‘MURRICA

deep-fried-cheeseburger

Since we’re ringing in our country’s birthday this week, there’s really no better way to celebrate than by feasting on some delicious eats. And since deep frying makes everything better (See: mac and cheese burger bun and cookie dough balls), it’s about time someone took the liberty to create the most patriotic dish we’ve ever come across — a deep fried bacon cheeseburger with a side of clogged arteries.

First off, Nick over at Dude Foods rules. Remember those bacon nachos of insanity? That ain’t got nothin’ on this greasy mound of deliciousness. It’s a bacon cheeseburger + all the fixings in a beautiful orb of fried dough. Yez plz.

deep-fried-cheeseburger-deux

So be the brave soul this 4th, and impress the hell out of your friends with this nugget of perfection. And make some for us.

H/T + PicThx Dude Foods

Categories
Features

Celebrating Fourth of July: Expectations vs. Reality

smores

Independence Day in America is one of those rare holidays that doesn’t seem to exist just to make people buy things. Sure, you’ve got all the fireworks kiosks. And yes, they don’t just give away all that patriotic tablewear and those hot dogs and grilling utensils for free. But mostly it’s about eating well, sitting back and enjoying each other’s company. Except when it’s about burning in the summer sun. Or suffering from food poisoning. Or being too hungover to work because this stupid holiday just had to fall on a weekday.

Ah well, at least we have the freedom to gripe about it together. ‘MURICA.

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Expectation: Throwing a cool, outdoor barbecue in the shade

1

Picthx: Pinterest

Reality: Just stepping outside feels like burning

Alternative: Having it at the beach and being gloomy as f@#k

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Expectation: Having time to make lots of cute, USA-themed snacks

Picthx: Apollinas

Reality: Barely having enough time to buy groceries

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Expectation: Enjoying a nice, stress-free potluck with friends and family

2

Picthx: Chella’s Common Cents

Reality: No one brings anything but booze and utensils, forcing you to whip up something last minute

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Expectation: Sticking to your summer diet

Reality: Parking your butt at the dessert table

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Expectation: Lighting the grill on the first try

Reality: UGH WHY MUST YOU BE SO DIFFICULT?!

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Expectation: Finally getting to nom on all the delicious grilled grub

Reality: Waiting. Lots of waiting. Probably some food poisoning when you get tired of waiting.

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Expectation: Washing everything down with a sweet, cool, delicious ice cream

Reality: Staring at a great big puddle of melted cow tears

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Expectation: It’s a classy summer party, time to break out the sparkling whites and rosés‎!

Reality: PBR for days

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Expectation: Toasting the perfect s’more

Reality: Ending up with a pile of burnt messy goop

4

Can you even call those s’mores anymore?

Picthx: Chocolate Moosey

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Expectations: Kicking off the night with beautiful fireworks

Reality: Too cloudy to see ANYTHING

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Expectations: Being totally able to function at work tomorrow

Reality:

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Expectations: Spending the day filled with the love of your country

Reality: ‘MURICA F@#K YEAHHH”

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Happy 4th of July everybody!

H/T Giphy

Categories
Features

23 Sparkling Pop Rocks Recipes to Liven Up Your Fourth of July

A recent story in Gizmodo detailed the strange origins of several popular American junk foods, including the happy accidents we now affectionately call Pop Rocks. Apparently in the ‘50s, famed food chemist William Mitchell had attempted to create a carbonated drink powder when some fell in his mouth and “exploded” upon meeting his saliva. Two decades and a bit of marketing wizardry later (since no one really knew how to sell “exploding candy” to kids), Pop Rocks finally hit the shelves in 1976 as a gag gift, paving the way for future generations to messily lick our sticky fizzing fingers and experience the visceral joy of feeling things go “pop” in our mouths. (Just take it from this baby.)

This Fourth of July, why not relive some of that childhood wonder you felt the first time you saw fireworks by whipping up one of these Pop Rocks-inspired recipes? Face it, Independence Day was so much more fun as a kid. Luckily Pop Rocks taste just like that.

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Layered Patriotic Punch

pr1RS

Science says that liquids with higher sugar contents will sit beneath those with lower, so grab some diet Sierra Mist, low calorie Gatorade and Hawaiian Punch to whip up a batch of this refreshing spangly drink.

Recipe: Our Best Bites

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Mini-Strawberry Shortcake Poppers

pr2RS

Bite sized snacks are the perfect party fodder to begin with, but with a special surprise twist, popping these in our mouths suddenly became a lot more fun.

Recipe: Snappy Gourmet

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Firecracker Bark

pr3RS

For those who don’t remember, the blue raspberry flavored Pop Rocks were actually more of a green color, so this recipe calls for some dyeing, but don’t worry: the dye won’t make the rocks pop prematurely. At least not too much.

Recipe: Not Your Momma’s Cookie

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Acid Pops

pr4RS

Inspired by Harry Potter, these sour, honey and Pop Rocks-coated lollipops are a definite surprise, but also won’t burn any holes in your tongue.

Recipe: A Pastry Affair

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Sparkling Strawberry Lemonade

pr5RS

Most summer drinks can feel too sweet or flat, but after a healthy dose of club soda and pop rocks, you’ll never want to go back to boring old strawberry lemonade again.

Recipe: Gimme Some Oven

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Apple Crumble

pr6RS

Another sweet staple transformed by mixing in strawberry Pop Rocks into the crunchy crumble topping.

Recipe: Raspberri Cupcakes

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Patriotic Strawberries

pr7RS

Admittedly, the blue featured here is just regular old sprinkles, but several other recipes (with unfortunately less pretty pictures) swap out the sugar crystals with Pop Rocks.

Recipe: Our Best Bites

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Pop-Star Cookie Pops

pr8RS

Get it? Puns aside, these adorable cookie pops are a lot simpler than they look. Just sandwich a bit of vanilla icing between two star cut-out sugar cookies and print out the label templates. Get on with your bad Pinterest-y self.

Recipe: The Decorated Cookie

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The Sparkler

pr9RS

Blueberry vodka, grenadine and lemon lime soda make this bubbly grown-up drink perfect for entertaining.

Recipe: BB A La Carte

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Pop Rocks Brownie Bites

pr10RS

This nifty hack pairs blue sprinkles with red Pop Rocks on top of store-bought miniature brownie bites. A quick fix and an easy way to give your kids (or yourself) something to do with your hands.

Recipe: Recipe Girl

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Chocolate Pop Rock Potato Chips

pr11RS

Bear with us, this combination might sound crazy, but salt and chocolate are always good together and the pop from the candy just helps accentuate the crunch of the chips.

Recipe: Lisa Trifiro

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Strawberry Ice Cream with White Chocolate Coated Pop Rocks

pr12RS

There’s little that doesn’t go with ice cream, so why not put Pop Rocks in it? More importantly, why haven’t you yet?

Recipe: Kitchn

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Exploding Banana Split Ice Cream

pr13RS

Quite possibly the most exciting thing on this list, this recipe combines all the great flavors of banana splits, from the peanut flavored ice cream cone to the banana ice cream to the chocolate-covered pop rocks. BOOM.

Recipe: Breaking Bread Blog

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Chocolate Pop Rocks Rice Krispies Treats

pr14RS

The thing about Rice Krispies treats is that they only really pop in milk, but with the help of some unflavored “Pastry Rocks”, you can have a popping party in your mouth any time. And you can do it sober.

Recipe: Cupcake Project

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Firecracker Cookies

pr15RS

Lots of sugar here, but with a plainer cookie, the sweetness from the frosting and Pop Rocks won’t be too overbearing.

Recipe: Like Mother, Like Daughter

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Watermelon Poptini

pr16RS

Summer’s heat and everyone’s dieting make watermelons the unequivocal queens of the season, so why not freshen up with some watermelon vodka?

Recipe: Snappy Gourmet

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Pop Rocks Truffles

pr17RS

If you’re looking for something a little less fruity, Pop Rocks truffles are perfect — but be warned: This recipe is not for anyone who doesn’t like to smile. Once you take a bite, you can’t help it.

Recipe: Love and Olive Oil

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4th of July Ice Cream Sandwiches, Complete with Fireworks

pr18RS

A quicker alternative could be just to coat your regular ice cream sandwiches with Pop Rocks, but where’s the fun (and the ‘MURICA) in that?

Recipe: Apollinas

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Champagne Jello Shots with Pop Rocks

pr19RS

Another tricky sugar crystal – Pop Rocks substitute, but champagne jello shots are the perfect way to bring the festivity of the New Year into summer. Bubbles, bubbles everywhere!

Recipe: 3 City Girls NYC

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Pop Rocks Mousse

pr20RS

Even though this looks a little too twee for our tastes, it was also way too cute for us not to include it. Mousse is made with white chocolate, sugar and egg whites. Bows and mason jars optional.

Recipe: 1 Fine Cookie

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Pop Rocks Ice Cream Float

pr21RS

Are you a fan of simple desserts? Perfect, because all you need to do for this one is know how to pour. It’d be almost impossible to mess this one up, but we’d also love to see you try.

Recipe: Liv Life Too

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Firecracker Cakelettes

pr22RS

Be careful doing this with kids because you wouldn’t want them confusing these cakelettes with the actual fireworks or vice versa. But if your drunken friends get a hold of them, you can’t say you didn’t warn them.

Recipe: She Knows

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Poppin’ Patriotic Marshmallow Pops

pr23RS

“An edible fireworks show,” the only thing that would make this treat better would be melting it between two graham crackers and chocolate. Mmm, Pop Rocks s’mores.

Recipe: A Farmgirl’s Drabbles

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H/T Tasteologie, Tastespotting, Relish