Categories
Features

Why Cubed Ice Is — and Always Will Be — Better Than Crushed

Last week, my editor (a “crushed ice” person) asked me to write an opinion piece on crushed vs. cubed ice. And while I set out to take the old facetious route a la April’s Tabasco vs. Sriracha debate, upon further reflection, I’ve realized doing so would a crime, an insult, an affront not only to myself but to the millions of other ice-rs out there who know the truth.

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Crushed

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Ice

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F@#king

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Sucks.

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It’s awful.

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Seriously, how are there people out there who like this stuff?

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I mean, sure it’s smaller than cubed, which means it cools drinks down faster.

But you know what else it does?

That’s right, it dilutes. It dilutes drinks down like a mother-f@#ker.

It’s like, I’m sorry, did I order my Coke topped with a layer of tears and sadness?

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Did I ask for diet-diet Mint Julep?

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And speaking of the myriad states of water being places they’re not wanted, why do you keep trying to get all up in my straw, crushies? Clogging sh*t, stopping me from getting my drank on?

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Really crushed ice, would you please just

G

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The only thing crushed ice is good for is cooling down water.

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Chewing, occasionally.

Maybe diluting drinks that need to be diluted anyway, like too-sweet Cherry Limeades from Sonic. Or god-awful $1 Sauza margaritas.

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But let’s face it, crushed ice will never, ever even come close to beating cubed.

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You can’t make adorably geeky ice cubes with it.

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You can’t stick flowers in it.

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Heck, you can’t make even make proper cocktails with it, ones you’d actually want to taste. It’s called “on the rocks,” for a reason people, not “on the annoying watery pebbles.”

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Aw, but you like having something to chew on? Buy gum you weirdo. Eat more food, you freak.

Take your oral fixation elsewhere.

Because the fact of the matter is, Cubed Is and Always Will Be Better Than Crushed.

Class dismissed.

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H/T All the Facebook friends who contributed to my “research”, GifThx Giphy

Categories
Products

Impress Whovian Party Guests with these Doctor Who Molds

Ain’t no party like a Time Lord party cuz a Time Lord party don’t stop!

Now whovians can party the right way thanks to these Doctor Who-themed silicon molds. These Tardis blue molds are as practical as they are adorable. Besides the obvious ice cube route you could also bake up some Dalek cakes or even whip up some chocolate Tardises!

Actually, thinking about it, some jello Daleks could be pretty sweet. Throw in some booze and voila! You have the coolest jello shots in all of time and space. But we’re not responsible if you run around the house yelling “INTOXICATE” after popping a couple boozy Daleks.

Doctor Who Ice Cube Tray $12.99 @ Thinkgeek

H/T + PicThx That’s Nerdalicious

Categories
Products

‘Brrrrr’ Solves All Awkward & Annoying Ice Cube Tray Dilemmas

Brrrrr

Ever get a hankering for old-fashioned ice cubes? While nothing really beats the kind from at-home ice trays, making them can be super tricky and annoying. Seriously, how are we supposed to gauge the correct amount of water to pour when there’s an overflowing situation within .2 seconds? Answer: It’s impossible. That’s why we’re big fans of this cool, albeit awkward, animal-like ice tray.

Officially named Brrrrr, this Black + Blum invention puts a cool spin on those tray-made suckers, mostly because it looks like a bear, caterpillar and alien orb all rolled into one.

Brrrrr

Basically, you fill Brrrrr with water vertically, set it in the freezer horizontally as excess water drains and simply wait for those cubes to freeze. Once finished, just give the thing a solid slam on the table and voila — perfect ice without the frustrating mess.

Brrrrr $20 @Black + Blum

H/T Gizmodo + PicThx Black + Blum

Categories
Humor

Finally, Food.com Teaches Us How to Make Ice Cubes

ice recipe

For most of us, making ice manually is an inconvenience thanks to built-in ice machines, but not a complicated task. Then there’s the rest of the world that requires a recipe. Kudos to food.com for filling us in on the art of ice making. Enjoy the user commentary below and remember, shut the freezer door, it gets warm in here.

 

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ice ice baby

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H/T + PicThx Pleated Jeans

Categories
Hit-Or-Miss

Step Up the Chic With Flower & Fruit Ice Cubes

When the Internet told us that little trick to save herbs with an ice cube tray and olive oil, I remember thinking: Wow. If only I could think of something just as creative and useful. Thus, I thought ice trays had reached their peak and that  it plateaued from there. But I suppose that this is what separates me from Martha Stewart. Where I see obsolete  ice cube trays, Martha Stewart sees more brilliant ways to use these nifty devices.

The first is a great rendition of fruit flavored water, which, mind you, I still find so clever with every sip of my cucumber saturated drink.  It requires a little more work, but not much. Throw seeded and peeled cucumbers into a blender with coarse salt and water and you have yourself a puree which you can pour into ice cube trays. There’s also a recipe for Orange-Lime and Lemon-Raspberry purees. To make it a little easier, you can just drop whole fruits, like blueberries, into the water and freeze them.

Alright, so we’ve made water tasty with puree ice cubes. Now, it’s time to step up the chic. Orchids, nasturtium, pansies or snapdragons suspended in frozen water are exactly the thing needed to add a little zinger to the ordinary, every day task of drinking scotch water. As the loyal middle man to all things genius, I will warn you that suspending flowers in water may not look as perfected as the floral ice cubes touched by Martha Stewarts’ hands. Just be sure to fill ice cube trays with distilled water half way, then stick it in the freezer. Once frozen, add the flowers face down and fill the ice cubes to the top and freeze once again.

via Martha Stewart

Categories
Products

Portal Companion [Ice] Cubes Will Never Threaten to Stab You

If you’re anything like me, you’ve spent the last five years in a hazy stupor of depression after incinerating your closest (and only) friend in Valve’s puzzle video game, Portal (if you don’t know what that is, check out this pumpkin turret as a refresher). You, like thousands of others, savored that seventeenth of test chambers, quickly growing to love your Weighted Companion Cube, with its pink heart faces and its…weight. But you would learn too late that the Companion Cube had a powerful kryptonite: its one weakness was incineration. And you had to be the one to do it.

I get it. You’ve suffered pain. We all have. But rest easy, friends, because just in time for the holiday season, the Companion Cube has made its chill comeback as an ice cube…via this tray from ThinkGeek.

I stil can’t decide if this is fitting or ironic. After all, ice cubes are way more susceptible to incineration than whatever the Companion Cube was made out of before. Fortunately, if one melts, you can make another one without having to wait four years for a sequel.

via/photo credit thinkgeek

Categories
Products

Bat Cubes — A Batman Ice Cube Tray

Batman is cool. How cool? Ice Cold. There’s an Arnold Schwarzenegger-Mr. Freeze joke in here somewhere, I just know it.

In any case, you’ll be able to keep your drinks nice and cold and free of crime when you drink starts donning these icy insignias. Whip up some of these cool cubes at your next party and be sure to invite some new faces. I’m sure they’ll make a good ice breaker.

($10 @ ThinkGeek)

 

Categories
Products

Porsche Ice-Cubes For Those Too Cool For Regular Ones

Get Porsche ice-cubes. This ice cube tray, made by Porsche,  is another great addition to add to your whimsical collection of kitchen gadgetry. There are even four different models of Porsche automobiles that will make your drink the chillest in town. Literally, and figuratively.  ($19 @ porshe.com)