Have you been cooking the same thing over and over during this stay at home period and feeling a little uninspired? Maybe an outlandish recipe, birthed from a popular frozen food you probably have in your freezer will spark some culinary inspiration.
Jula and JP over at HellthyJunkFood are at it again and this time, the two YouTube chefs set out to create a dish their fans have been requesting for years: A Giant Hot Pocket.
The two set off, going head-to-head to see who can create the better Pizza Hot Pocket.
While Julia took a more traditional approach with sauce, pepperoni, and cheese, JP went with a more unconventional method creating a pocket stuffed with frozen White Castle Sliders. Both looked fantastic, and they’ve even went as far as creating a custom Hot Pocket branded sleeve for their creations.
Check out the video to see exactly how it went down. Man, watching this makes me seriously crave a slightly-burnt Hot Pocket dunked in creamy ranch. Yes, that would do nicely.
The only activity that comes close to the satisfaction of cooking and eating is simply talking about food. Honestly, just discussing food—or hearing someone else do it—hits the spot in a strange, beautifully rewarding way. It doesn’t even have to be during an in-person conversation. We’re ready to adore poems about food, read essays about food, flip through magazines about food, but, most of all, hear comedians joke about food.
It’s true. In fact, it doesn’t even have to be a flattering observation about food. It can be a savage takedown of certain kinds of diners, restaurant chains, or culinary trends. While there’s a lot we love about food, there is totally a lot to laugh at—eating poorly when we know it’s bad for us, eating differently around our crushes, or even just trying to cook a simple meal and it going terribly wrong.
So let’s serve up some of our absolute favorite stand-up bits about food, covering everything from fast food shame to the weird way we go about grocery shopping. Seriously, what better way is there to burn off calories from cooking and eating all that food?
“Hot Pockets” – Jim Gaffigan
“I was looking at a box of Hot Pockets. They have a warning printed on the side. It says, ‘WARNING: You just bought Hot Pockets. Hope you’re drunk or heading home to a trailer, you hillbilly. Enjoy the next NASCAR event.”
“Cooking” – Maria Bamford
“People always say how easy it is to cook, but it is not any easier than not cooking.”
“Blue Food” – George Carlin
“Where the hell is the blue food? Every other color is represented.”
“KFC” – Patton Oswalt
“Can you take all those food items and pile them in a single bowl for me and I’ll just eat them like a Death Row prisoner on suicide watch?”
“Eating Around Men” – Iliza Shlesinger
“When you first meet a guy that you like, you can’t eat the way you want to on a date. You can’t. You can’t have that fourth plate of ribs on a date… I found out.”
“Pickle Juice” – Hannibal Buress
“I don’t like throwing out the pickle juice. It just feels wasteful. So lately I’ve been dipping my fingers in the pickle juice and then I flick it on my sandwiches for flavor.”
“Cheddar Bay Biscuits” – Kyle Kinane
“It should come as no surprise when I tell you that I belong to the Facebook fan page for Red Lobster Cheddar Bay Biscuits… for obvious reasons.”
“Fig Newtons” – Brian Regan
“I looked at the serving size — two cookies. Who the hell eats two cookies? I eat Fig Newtons by the sleeve.”
“Burger King” – Dane Cook
“First job I had? Burger King. My brother got me the job, too. My brother got me the job. He was the manager and he got me the job. You would think that would be cool, because he was my bro. But he was a dick. He thought he was the Burger King!”
“Airline Food” – Ellen Degeneres
“[Flight attendants] have this attitude, and they can afford to have the attitude, because they have the power. They have the peanuts. They have these six peanuts that we need.”
“McDonald’s” – Jim Gaffigan
“It’s fun telling people you go to McDonald’s. They always give you that look like, ‘Oh, I didn’t know I was better than you.'”
“Supermarket Experience” – Jerry Seinfeld
“Food is so complicated as an adult. You see people in the supermarket, just sweating it out. Nobody knows, ‘What do I eat?’ The protein, the carbs, the fat content; oh my god, fat content. Just walking up to each other, ‘What are you eating? Maybe I’ll eat that.’ The whole supermarket itself is designed to break down your sense of having any life outside the supermarket. It’s like a casino.”
Mess Hall Canteen is like a rolling fortress, serving hungry meat-lovers across Southern California.
Now, Mess Hall is gearing up for one of its most rigorous battles yet – Hansen’s Fresh Coat Mural Fest happening in DTLA’s Arts District on October 7.
Later, Mess Hall will be slinging at OOZEFEST 3, FOODBEAST’s third annual premiere Southern California Cheese Festival on October 14.
However, don’t think for one second that Mess Hall isn’t bringing heavy artillery to these culinary showdowns. If there’s one thing you should know about the purveyors of Giant BBQ Meat Shanks, it’s that they nothing they do is small.
So, in true oozey fashion, Mess Hall has reimagined a Hot Pocket, but in the cheesiest way possible.
Mess Hall’s Hansen’s Natural Soda Root Beer Glaze Hot Pokket is stuffed with Hansen’s root beer glazed pulled pork, aligot potatoes, and pickled cherries all stuffed inside a deep fried dough roll.
To make this dish even more unique, Mess Hall is serving it with a side of Hansen’s root beer glaze to dip in.
So, if you’re ready to battle with Mess Hall, we’ll see you at Hansen’s Fresh Coat Mural Fest, and OOZEFEST 3!
The Pho King Awesome Truck is one of Southern California’s most recognizable Asian-inspired food trucks, thanks to their delicious original creations like Spamusushi and Spicy Asian Tacos.
Thanks to a partnership with Hansen’s Natural Soda, Pho King Awesome is getting ready to show off its cheesy side with a deep fried cheesy ramen patty you can only find for a limited time.
On October 7, Pho King Awesome Truck will be one of the many vendors at Fresh Coat Mural Festival in DTLA’s Arts District, serving up their limited-time item, which is a deep fried cheesy ramen patty, mixed with diced ham, Gouda and brie cheese.
Served with a crispy outer shell, Pho King Awesome’s ramen-based creation is intensely creamy, and the perfect snack for any cheese-lover.
The Pho King Awesome Truck will also be serving up their deep fried cheesy ramen patty on October 14 at FOODBEAST’s OOZEFEST 3 event.
However, that’s not all. The deep fried cheesy ramen patty is taken to another level, as it is served on a bed of creamy cheese sauce made of feta, parmesan, cheddar cheese, sliced cherry tomatoes, Chiffonade basil, and – of course – crispy bacon bits for extra flavor and texture.
They say the perfect steak is cooked to 135 degrees, but the perfect Hot Pocket? Cooked to the surface of the sun.
No truer words describe the subject of the newest edition of Foodbeast’s Docu-series Jeff’s Table.
The freezer-to-table insta-meal is a medley of meat, cheese, and sauce in a flakey crust. Combined with the divine fire that only a 1,000-watt appliance can produce.
While there aren’t many constants in life, there are two certainties when consuming a Hot Pocket. The first is you’re going to satiate any hunger pangs you feel by the third bite. The second, you’re going to burn your tongue.
A small price for the unfettered sensations your palate will experience for a fraction of a second.
Take a seat, enjoy our latest episode of Jeff’s Table, and perhaps treat yourself to a nice cold glass of liquid luxury we fondly refer to as chocolate milk.
Setting out to reinvent classic breakfasts, celebrated Instagram bro-chef Josh Scherer, aka Mr. Culinary Brodown, set out to class-up the pop tart we all know and love.
Imagine a flaky puff pastry filled to the brim with Ground Beef, onions, mushrooms, eggs and cheese. Then imagine eating this pop tart-esque treat in the car on your morning commute and you’ll have Josh’s incredibly delicious and easy recipe, the Beefy, Cheesy Breakfast Pocket:
Cooking Time: 40 minutes
1 lb. Ground Beef (93% lean or leaner)
1 tbsp oil
½ minced white onion
3/4 cup sliced button mushrooms
1 tsp ground sage
1 tsp smoked paprika
Salt and pepper to taste
4 large eggs
1 box (2 sheets) store-bought puff pastry
1 cup shredded, reduced-fat Monterey Jack cheese
– Heat 1 tbsp oil in a large non-stick saucepan on medium-high heat, then add minced onions, mushrooms, and Ground Beef. Sauté for 15 minutes, or until beef and veggies are cooked through then add sage, paprika, salt and pepper.
– Reserve beef and veggie mixture in a bowl and set aside. Whisk together your eggs, season with salt and pepper, then scramble over medium heat in a nonstick pan. Set aside.
– Heat your oven to 400°.
– Roll out the store bought puff pastry on a large cutting board dusted with flour. Cut out 8 separate 4-inch by 6-inch squares of dough.
– Lay down ¼ cup of shredded cheese into 4 dough squares then evenly distribute your scrambled eggs and beef mixture on top. Lay a second sheet of dough on top of each half-formed tart, then use a fork dipped in water to seal all the edges.
– When the tarts are sealed, cut three slits in the top of the dough so steam can escape, then carefully place them on a parchment paper lined baking sheet, and bake for 10-15 minutes or until golden brown.
– Allow the tarts to cool, then wrap in plastic wrap and put in the freezer. Microwave for 60-90 seconds to reheat in the morning.
Recipes created in partnership with Beef. It’s What’s For Dinner. Funded by the Beef Checkoff.
Your days of basic Hot Pocket consumption might be on pause, at least for one day. Introducing the Deviled Duck Ham & Pimento Cheese Pocket Pastry.
Ding. Your microwave just announced the complete transition of your frozen brick pastry to the volcanic treat that gives the roof of your mouth third degree burns. For some reason, even though this food takes minutes to prepare instead of the hours actually involved creating a pastry dough and filling, the three minutes you’ve been waiting is the longest of your life.
Longer than your child’s birth. Longer than the Lord of The Rings marathon you watched that included all alternative endings, deleted scenes and never-seen-before footage. Longer than the Catholic wedding you just attended that included the ceremonial rites of a newly ordained bishop before the nuptials.
But your pocket has arrived. And within minutes, similar to your late-night fast food cravings, you’re semi-full but not satisfied (whilst also tending to your burns). Then, the thought occurs. What if someone made an elevated version of this pocketed pastry. What would it look like? What would be inside? AND WHY HAVEN’T I TASTED IT YET?!
Chef Jeff Boullt of Orange County’s Social has finally created a pocket pastry that brings the best nostalgia of your guilty microwave pleasures combined with the perfect mixture of contemporary and delicious ingredients. The pocket is outfitted with deviled duck ham (what?!), pimento cheese and finished with a smoked onion jam.
Southern Californians and lucky travelers will have a single day to experience this delight during our 1-day cheese festival, FOODBEAST Presents Ooze Fest on Saturday, October 10 in Santa Ana, CA. We’re premiering 20+ cheese creations, with your ticket giving you access to all of them. Oh, and it includes craft beer tastings. Yeah, you should get on this.
Early bird pricing for the festival continues until 5 PM on August 27th. $40 General Admission, $65 VIP – which gives you access to the food an hour ahead of general admission.
We’re still accepting vendor applications for the festival, although space is limited. If you’re interested in debuting a new and original cheese item, please send us a line here.
Known only as Thot Pocket and his Twitter/Vine handle @VERSACEPOPTARTS, the youngster began his short-lived Vine/Twitter career by filming himself having sex with a box of cinnamon-flavored Pop-Tarts. While the video gained immediate traction, it was removed — apparently filming yourself having sex with a Pop-Tarts box goes against the Terms of Service.
The DailyDot featured the following selfie of the box he desecrated:
Following this selfie, he propositioned his new followers to rally for his next stunt, the infamous Hot Pocket fucking:
As you can tell from the amount of Retweets in the above screenshot, @VERSACEPOPTARTS indeed posted the video with the hashtag #FoodPorn. The clip was deleted, but the continued tirade on Twitter revealed he’d follow up his junk food sexing by setting his eyes (and penis) on a donut, then a bowl of Jello.
Before being suspended from both Twitter and Vine, the Hot Pockets brand page blocked him, and he’s since garnered a strange following of fans waiting for his next stunt… some even proposing they become his next Hot Pocket: