Satirical Coffee Ad Is SAVAGE AF

I can’t lie, I wake up every morning and look forward to my cup of coffee. I even ground my own beans and brew individual cups with a reusable knock-off K-Cup thing. I sip my freshly brewed coffee with pride and look forward to the morning ritual.

It’s all because I’m an addict—a coffee addict, and thanks to this brutally honest video from, I’m now aware of my problems and will seek the help of my friends and family for help and guidance. Take a look for yourself, are you an addict too?

Even though I’m slightly joking about seeking help, caffeine is pretty addicting.

While I’m not going to steal, cheat and lie for my next grande Pike at Starbucks, it’s safe to say coffee drinkers aren’t shy about their habit — I just typed grande Pike without hesitation — but if you’re buying the next round, I’m coming.

I drink way too much coffee.

So, the next time you consider drinking a nice, warm cup of Joe in the morning, remember this video and say to yourself, “At least it’s not heroin.”


Fast Food

Heroin-Dealing Brothers Arrested In Burger King Ball Pit Sting

While Burger King has always let customers have it their way when it comes to food orders — the slogan won’t save your ass from the DEA if you’re caught selling $4,000 worth of heroin at the local home of the Whopper.

The suspects, Otis Pegues 31, and Marlan Byars, 28, brothers, found out the hard way that a BK ball pit isn’t the best place to arrange the sale of 20 heroin bricks to an undercover officer.

To make matters worse, CBS Pittsburgh reported that Byars’ 6-year-old son was present during the alleged deal.

The arrests came after a three-month long investigation, during which authorities allege one of the brothers sold heroin to undercover officers in various locations, including a Wal-Mart restroom.

It’s safe to say the brothers face a series of charges and chances are they won’t “have it their way,” for a long time.

h/t Ralph Iannotti, At First We feast


This Dude Snuck A Heroin-Filled Burrito Into A Hospital, Syringe And All


Police in Bradenton, FL., are looking for a man who entered a hospital and left behind a burrito filled with heroin. The Bradenton Herald reports that the man arrived at Blake Medical Center and left a bag of food for a patient with an employee.

When the employee checked the contents of the bag, a syringe was discovered to be inside the burrito.

The authorities were alerted immediately and tests showed that the contents of the syringe were positive for “the presence of heroin.”

Police are currently looking for the man who dropped off the burrito. He’s described as about 6 feet tall with a thin build and has bleach blond hair.

Wonder if he goes around to all the local hospitals dropping off special burritos.


McDonald’s Employee Arrested for Smuggling Heroin in Happy Meals


A McDonald’s employee was busted in Pittsburg for allegedly smuggling sacks of heroin in Happy Meal boxes via the drive-thru window. According to CBS Pittsburg, undercover agents arrested Shania Dennis after setting up a controlled transaction.

Using a password given to them by an informant, the cops requested to buy a boy’s Happy Meal toy. They then proceeded to the drive-thru window, paying Dennis $2 for the toy and $80 for a Happy Meal box containing 10 small bags of heroin. Upon arrest, Dennis was found with 50 additional bags and currently faces possession and delivery charges. 

Swissvale Police Chief Greg Geppert stated that Dennis allegedly placed $2 in the register and $80 into her bra during Wednesday’s undercover buy. At the moment, authorities are unable to say how long this mini operation had been going on for.

” The allegations related to this employee do not represent acceptable behaviors and are not consistent with our values. As such, we take these charges very seriously and we are fully cooperating with the authorities. We are also conducting our own thorough internal investigation.  For additional information, please contact the local authorities,” Iftikhar Malik, owner of the East Liberty location, assured wary customers in a statement to WTAE.



Hamburgers and Heroin: Are They One in the Same?

Hamburgers or heroin, is there a difference? According to the latest Precinct Studios Community Service Announcement, the difference between the two is almost indistinguishable. Towards the end of the video, they pose the thought, “You wouldn’t inject your children with junk. So why are you feeding it to them?” The minute-long spot is eye-catching and interesting, to say the least. Fair in its accusations? I would beg to differ.