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Here’s What The Internet Would Do With 20 Tons Of Nutella Hazelnut Spread

Last week, about 20 tons of Nutella were stolen from a truck in Germany. Authorities were baffled as to where all that hazelnut spread could have gone, or why so much was needed. The Nutella heist happened some time between Aug. 12 and Aug. 13. in the town of Neustadt, which resides about 120km from Frankfurt.

According to CBS Chicago, the stolen spread is valued at about $82,000. Neustadt police warn locals to be wary of someone offering them large quantities of chocolate through “unconventional channels.” Instances like this should be reported it to the authorities immediately.

User The-Potato-Lord posed a question on Reddit, in the wake of history’s biggest Nutella caper, asking:

If you suddenly came into the possession of 20 tons of Nutella, what would you do?

As a result of the call to action, we’re left with some pretty impressive options. Because who doesn’t dream of getting their hands on this plethora of sweet Nutella?

Here are all the clever and creative suggestions the Internet had to offer as to what to do with 20 tons of hazelnut spread:

And the #1 suggestion for the massive surplus of hazelnut spread:


Here’s How These Thieves Stole $160,000 Worth Of Cheese

Thanks to a collection of cheese thieves causing an uproar in Wisconsin, I’ve decided to teach you, the good people of the cheesiest country in the world, how to properly steal cheese.

First, you’re going to need to find a large source of cheese, and I don’t mean your dad’s lame jokes, I mean real cheese. According to Consumerist, one good place to start is storage facilities in Marshfield, Wisconsin. Just last week, a group of thieves stole a huge chunk of Parmesan cheese from said facilities.

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Next, you’re gonna need a ride of some sort. Every good cheese thief has a getaway vehicle, or else we would be hearing stories of cheese thieves getting arrested a lot more often. If you don’t have a cheese vehicle, you can always do what thieves do and steal one, just like the criminals last Friday did.

These cheesy go-getters got their hands on a semi-tractor packed to the brim with cheese, then simply took off and never looked back, cruising around with a shit ton of that dairy goodness valued at around $90,000.

Lastly, you’re going to need a transfer point. Any decent heist involves the transfer of goods from one vehicle to another vehicle, even if it’s not necessary. It just has to be done, for aesthetics.

The cheese thieves did just that, by driving the semi full of cheese to their own truck, transferring the goods, then allowing the truck to be left for dead. When authorities finally managed to find the truck, they were shocked to see that it was empty. One Lieutenant Todd Grenier made an astute observation, saying, “We found that the trailer was empty.”

Riveting stuff, lieutenant.

A word of advice to all my cheese-thieving adventurers: brie all that you can brie, and eventually, you too will see cheddar days.


Photo Credit: Dojoke, Leisure Group Travel, Free Republic


Watch This Raccoon Steal A Donut


Last year, we saw a trend of adorable vermin casually stealing junk food. First, there was that infamous  rat nonchalantly carrying a slice of pizza down the stairs of a subway station. Then, a squirrel was caught chugging a discarded milkshake from Shake Shack. A video recently surfaced showing a raccoon continuing that trend.

This sneaky bastard pulled a stunt straight out of Mission Impossible in order to get his hands on some donuts at a donut shop.

Posted by YouTuber Peter J, the video was even given the hilarious appropriate description “Sly Cooper and the Thievious Donutus.” Perfect.

Watch as this critter descends from the ceiling and makes off with a donut.


Sorry Bad Guys…


H/T c_morello


350,000 Pounds of Raw Chicken Held for Ransom, Inevitably Goes Bad


A trucker abandoned 350,000 pounds of raw chicken at a Missoula truck stop on Tuesday. This was after a failed ransom attempt involving the chicken and the company he worked for. Sounds like the premise for a really bad great heist comedy.

According to the Missoulian, the truck and trailer containing the chicken were reported stolen from a freight company. A driver from the company thought it would be a good idea to steal the raw chicken and hold it for ransom. The driver texted his boss saying that he would return the chicken after he was paid. Since the chicken was worth around $80,000, it’s assumed that’s how much he was asking for.

Because the company decided not to pay the driver, he ditched all 350,000 pounds of raw chicken at the stop. Local authorities have since arrived to figure out a way to get rid of the rotting chicken meat. While health officials were also called in to help with the disposal, they’re keeping the trailer doors shut until they have a set plan.

No word yet on the whereabouts of the chicken thief.

H/T Consumerist



Elderly Woman Robs Bank with A Can of Spaghetti Sauce


Old ladies are usually sweet, make you cookies, and drive at the blazing speed of 10 mph. Turns out, they also stop by their local bank for cash withdrawals . . . with cans of spaghetti sauce in tow.

This was the scene that played out in Michigan according to Detroit Free Press. This past Saturday morning, a woman in her 60’s entered a bank, walked up to the teller and placed a cloth bag on the counter, demanding money. She claimed there was a bomb within the cloth bag and that she would blow the bank to smithereens if her demands weren’t met. Turns out that hidden item in the bag was just spaghetti sauce — Ragu “It’s In There”

Police had this to say about the bank boost:

“It did look like there was a hard object in there. But it was folded over so you couldn’t see what was inside. It turned out that it was a couple of cans of spaghetti sauce inside the bag”

Just when you thought crime was for the vernal and vivacious, suddenly you are proven wrong. Police don’t know where she currently is or how much dough she fled the scene with but one thing is clear: Be suspicious of anyone toting cans of spaghetti sauce in their purse.

H/T + PicThx Gizmodo