Categories
Hit-Or-Miss

Former Souplantation Manager’s Creepy Craigslist Ad For A Coachella Date Gets Deleted

With the recent news of Souplantation’s parent company, Sweet Tomatoes, filing for Chapter 11 Bankruptcy, and rumors that some locations could close, it’s safe to say some employees are looking for a way out.  Well, one such former employee has made it clear that he’s clearly over his managerial role at the all-you-can-eat chain and is set on, “JUST FUN,” from now on.

Gordon, as he calls himself in a recently posted Craigslist ad — which has now been flagged for removal — is looking to attend Coachella with a, “travel companion.”

In his ad, the newly divorced 56-year-old former Supervising Manager at Souplantation from West Covina explained that after 11 years of marriage, he recently quit his job, cashed out his 401K, and wants to party — beginning with a fun-filled VIP experience during Weekend 2 of Coachella 2017.

Here’s an image of the now deleted ad.

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Gordie’s Craigslist ad seemed innocent enough at first, but quickly transitioned into a creepy, slightly questionable solicitation for a 19 to 25-year-old female with a, “(#3) … fashionable sense of style in the vein of typical coachella goer (i.e. cute indian headband, small ripped jean shorts, lots of colorful bracelets, etc),” who should be willing to follow a 20-point checklist of semi-repulsive requests during the the four-day weekend together.

screen-shot-2017-01-05-at-3-37-44-pm

While Gordon’s first few rules aren’t that disturbing, things quickly progress into the transgressive realm, starting with stipulation #5.

5. Must keep hands and feet moisturized at all times.

Um, sure?

As the list grows, Gordon’s requests started to shadow a deep sense of fetishism and obsessiveness, not to mention some were borderline demanding.

screen-shot-2017-01-05-at-3-50-43-pm

Rule #10 was especially critical: Being social is fine but no excessive fraternizing with other male festival-goers, and most definitely NO PUBLIC AFFECTION with other festival-goers (violation of this rule results in immediate removal of Tropic Motor Motel room privileges and maybe even return ride).

So, your guest isn’t supposed to interact with other people at a festival? Why not just watch it online?

Here comes the heavier stuff. Take a breath.

Rule #11 states, “Periodic moments of extended eye contact.”

Wut?

Rule #12 is pretty much where it all started going south.

12. Allow me to brush your hair once per day (not mandatory, but encouraged).

Huh? Why?

Gordon’s not done there. The list continues with awkward requests that seem to showcase a slightly voyeuristic personality, mixed with slight delusion.

For example, rule #15 stated, “Any personal grooming such as toenail clipping, eyebrow plucking or lipstick application must be done in my presence.”

It’s called personal grooming for a reason, Gordon!  Can’t we just go watch Beyonce?!

There’s really no explanation for the rest of his requests, but hey, here we go.

#17. At least twice during the festival you must tell me in a playful manner that “I am naughty.”

Nope.

#18. At some point in time during the festival you must tell me that, “you didn’t know how this would go, but you’re actually having a really good time.”

Why would I lie?

Rule 19 is probably is by far the creepiest request:

19. At least once during our stay after your shower, you must use the steam to write a cute message on the bathroom mirror for me to find later when I shower.

Does, “HELP ME!!!!” count?

Lastly, Gordon’s just there to have a sweet-ass time and just wants you to have a blast, as long as you’re not in violation of the 8,500,000 set of rules he has established.

20.  Must be ready to party and HAVE FUN.

It’s easy to see why this ad was removed, but still, it’s only fair that we hope Gordon meets the, “right one.” But, perhaps he should do so under some less invasive, and more moderately acceptable circumstances.

Categories
Opinion Packaged Food Tastemade/Snapchat

A Fond Look Back At Lunchables, A Childhood Obsession

Lunchables — the American Bento box

#Lunch be so bad at #work, I bought a #lunchable

A photo posted by @lisha_candace85 on

Every culture has its version of the boxed lunch, the thing millions of school children are sent off with every day, 180 days out of the year.   In Japan it’s a bento box made of rice, meat and veggies.  In America it is the Lunchable, a deconstructed sandwich in a perfectly packaged plastic container. It’s fun for kids and easy for adults. Everyone wins when you don’t have to think about what to make for lunch every day, day after day.

 

If you share a slice of cheese….

Think about it, what makes a Lunchable special?  It’s literally just ham, cheese and Ritz crackers in a box.  

However, back in the early ‘90s, it was also a status symbol.   My family wasn’t poor, but my mom definitely didn’t believe in name brand anything. As an adult I respect that she took the time to make me a sandwich every day, but as a kid, the Lunchables just seemed, cooler, and I wanted one.

My school lunches were turkey sandwiches wrapped in a plastic grocery bag, but Lunchables were food toys you could eat.  Therefore, I was always begging some friend for some ham; it always looked and tasted better in a thickly sliced circle and the cheese, which was savory to the max, when you had to ration one piece.  

And I’d never just sit down and eat a Ritz cracker by itself, but with that ham and cheese, it just seemed to have a completely different personality, not dry, like its usual lonesome form.  

Likewise, there was always dessert, a little Twix or Crunch Bar, or even a decadent Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup.  Cool looking and convenient, I always approached it with the care I assumed an astronaut lifted his dessert from whatever floating space tray he ate from.

 

Kids these Days

The website for Lunchables has a tab for both kids and parents.  If you click the kids tab, it takes you immediately to a commercial about Lunchables where a satyr eats a playing card.  “Mix your food up,” is the new theme.

I also clicked on the “parents” tab, which I’ll just interpret to mean all adults.  The site is way less fun, but I did learn about all the new Lunchable options.  For example you can get your Lunchable with or without a drink, you can even “upload” to a deep dish pizza, or a turkey sub.  Wow! They’ve come a long way from a few slices of cheese, ham and crackers.  

Having recently worked at an elementary school, I hadn’t seen a fruit rollup or a pack of Gushers in years. But once a week some kid will come to school with a Lunchable and with a hint of shame, I would ask them for a slice of cheese. Here I go again. Mooching off some kid.  What am I doing!? I can buy my own Lunchables, or even better, create my own DIY Lunchable with gouda, pretzel chips and smoked Boar’s head ham, because I am an adult now and I deserve the best versions of my childhood.

Categories
Recipes Tastemade/Snapchat

Here’s How To Make A Vegetarian Version of In-N-Out’s Double Double

In-N-Out has one of the most celebrated customizable menus in the fast food game, but when it comes to vegetarian options from the West Coast burger chain, the pickins are slim. Lucky for us, it’s surprisingly very easy to capture that sought after In-N-Out flavor and keep things looking, feeling, and tasting meaty, all while keeping it wholly vegetarian.

It’s all thanks to black beans.

Using some minimal effort, a bit of ingenuity, and a passion for keeping our vegetarian friends looped into the In-N-Out flavor pool, we present to you a Black Bean Double Double you can make in less time it would take you to actually have to wait in the drive-thru line:

 

The Black Bean Double Double

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RECIPE

 

  • Hamburger buns
  • 15-oz can of black beans
  • 1 tomato
  • 1 onion
  • Cheddar cheese slices
  • Thousand island dressing
  • Lettuce
  • 2 eggs
  • 1 cup bread crumbs
  • Olive oil
  • Garlic

 

Throw your beans, garlic and a little oil into a blender until you’ve got a thick paste.

 

Pour your bread crumbs into a bowl and add your bean paste. Add one whole egg and the egg white from a second egg to your mixture. Mix everything together thoroughly. You may need to add more breadcrumbs until your bean mixture is thick enough to mold.

 

Form your black bean mixture into four separate patties. (You only need two, but it’s always nice to have back-ups.)

 

In-N-Out’s famous grilled onions

 

Finely dice a whole onion and throw it on a pan with about a tablespoon of oil. Cook until the onions have browned a little and then add a few tablespoons of water. The onions should absorb the water and become translucent. Continue cooking until the onions are a rich brown color and remove them from heat.

 

Now it’s time for your patties.

 

Place your patties on a frying pan on medium to high heat with about two tablespoons of olive oil.

 

Cook one side for about two minutes and then carefully flip the patty over. Place a slice of cheese on top of each patty so that it melts.

 

Finally, the stack.

 

On the bottom bun, spread a layer of thousand island and top it with a tomato slice. On top of the tomatoes, add a bed of lettuce for your greens. Place your first patty on top of the lettuce and add your grilled onions.

 

To make it the perfect Double Double, you’re gonna need your second patty. Carefully place your second patty onto the burger and top it off with your bun.

 

Now you can enjoy the deliciousness of In-N-Out’s Double Double without having to ever touch meat.

 

The entire process takes less than 30 minutes once you have all your ingredients together.

 

That’s about the same time as a round trip to your local burger spot:

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Categories
Opinion Sweets Tastemade/Snapchat

The Timeless Treaty of Jolly Ranchers

A photo posted by Jo Earle (@joanna_earle1) on


I recall loving Jolly Ranchers as a kid, but never buying them with my allowance or making it my one-candy choice when my parents took us tiny doofuses to the movies. Jolly Ranchers were sort of like this gift from adults. They always seemed to have them on hand.

My grandparents had them when they felt too wild for caramels, usually in the summertime. My principal had them in her office, though I only got to eat them when I was there for a good reason. And it was more or less a universal strategy by my teachers, doctors, and babysitters to shut me up, since snacking on those treats felt like an exhausting several-hour endeavor for my little motormouth.

But Jolly Ranchers weren’t flashy, a surprise move for a multi-colored snack. There wasn’t some loud, psychedelic talking animal wearing a sports jersey trying to kickflip his way into my tiny heart, pressuring me to buy his damn candies (which, I assure you, I loved at the time).

Maybe I only noticed that because it seemed like Jolly Ranchers were the one candy that everyone of any age could agree upon. My young love of Raven’s Revenge was way too much for my grandparents, and their darling black licorice wasn’t even close to enough for me (I still find it infuriating, actually).

“… so maybe these harlequin handfuls that older ladies and gents used to give me were their way of keeping nostalgia shining bright with their passing of the torch.”

That universal approachability of a snackable color spectrum likely had to do with the classic candy’s creators, a warm, friendly married couple.

The Jolly Rancher Company, founded by Coloradans Bill and Dorothy Harmsen, made ice cream and chocolates in addition to candy. All of their products were originally sold at local Ranch Maid Ice Cream stores and killed it in the summer, but struggled in the winter.

The company came into existence in 1949, when the United States was settling into backyard parties and Sunday drives, so maybe these harlequin handfuls that older ladies and gents used to give me were their way of keeping nostalgia shining bright with their passing of the torch.

Even the name Jolly Ranchers itself — a tender evocation of western hospitality — was a sign of that attitude: cherished offerings from a mom-and-pop operation that started out by making treats in their farm’s barn.

From there, the company grew and evolved, later purchased by Hershey in 1996, ultimately branching out into a whole score of jazzy hybrids, like jelly beans, lollipops, and popsicles.

But I remember those candies for what they were in my youth, a treaty for the ages — the right amount of sugar most adults trusted me with, the minimum buzz I was willing to take. It was the slow nod of give and take, the beautiful product of a bygone era.

Categories
Tastemade/Snapchat

Which Alcoholic Apple Beverage Is Right For You?

Apple-based alcohol tends to be on the receiving end of gender-based insults, but few people appreciate the range of tenacity these drinks have. From the sweet and fizzy beers to the pricklier liquors, no matter your alcohol tolerance levels, there’s an alcoholic apple drink for you.

Apple Cider

Ciders rank pretty low on the totem pole for most seasoned alcoholics drinkers due to their shockingly low alcohol percentage and their unbearing sweetness

For people who normally drink: Apple Cider. You tried it once and that’s just what you drink now. Your first alcoholic beverage was probably a Mike’s Hard Lemonade and that’s okay. We all make mistakes.

What it tastes like: Apple juice and either an entire cup of sugar or cinnamon.

How to drink it: In a pint glass with a Fireball shot/floater.

Redd’s Apple Ale

Cheers to winning a square! #redsappleale #jackdaniels #perfectshot A photo posted by Christopher Fenko (@skeletongrin216) on


This cider-beer hybrid’s commercials have probably dissuaded you from ever trying it, but it actually strikes a decent balance between a cider and a beer. You get all the sweetness of a cider with all the inevitable gas from a beer.

For people who normally drink: Beers with low alcohol content or ciders with high alcohol content. Socially, its the most genderfluid drink to order.

What it tastes like: If sparkling apple cider was poured over a slice of bread and then squeezed out into your glass.

How to drink it: Alone and chilled, not cold. I can’t believe I’m saying this about a Miller product, but there are some nuances that shouldn’t be drowned out.

Any Craft Brewery’s Apple Pie Beer

A photo posted by @sulasomm on

Your local brewery either already has one or is cooking up a new recipe right now, but it’s too weird to make squash-based beer.  

For people who normally drink: Craft beer, craft cocktails, and pumpkin spice lattes. You care about quality, but you’re not afraid

What it tastes like: A liquid pie with bubbles.

How to drink it: As is. Don’t let them see you messing with their baby brews!

Apple Schnapps


This German liquor brings out the sorority girl in all of us. The apples just want an invite to the party and they’re willing to get as sweet as possible to get past the door.

For people who normally drink: Cosmopolitans, Screwdrivers, and any other cocktail that doesn’t taste like it has as much hard liquor as it does. This is also a nice stepping stone for those weaning themselves off their apple cider dependency.

What it tastes like: Simple syrup with an artificial apple taste. Depending on the quality of the schnapps, you might be able to taste the gin, but don’t hold your breath.

How to drink it: An appletini or a completely off the wall craft cocktail is the best way to go about drinking apple schnapps if you’re the kind of person who dislikes entering a diabetic coma. 

Applejack

A photo posted by FILO Liquors (@filoliquors) on

This is the alcohol the founding fathers of America got turnt on. When apple cider was left outside during the winter, the alcohol was freeze distilled and became at least 300 percent stronger by spring.

For people who normally drink: Tropical rum drinks even outside of vacations and basic bitch brandy. You’re serious about everything else in a life and want something sweet that will burn your throat for the rest of the week.

What it tastes like:  Swallowing rum while your mouth is filled with hot, caramelized apple slices.

How to drink it: Sip it. This is not for shots. I repeat, THIS IS NOT FOR SHOTS.

Calvados

A photo posted by Leila Dahlborg (@leilalagar) on


“The French apple brandy so nice they distilled it twice” is definitely not the official tagline of any calvados brand, but it should be. As per usual with French liqueur, it’s only really calvados if it’s made in Lower Normandy. Considering the time and superior alcohol content put into distilling and aging calvados, I wouldn’t want any lazy apple brandies stealing my thunder either.

For people who normally drink: Spiced rum, woody red wines, top shelf brandy and really old scotch. You know how to pronounce everything on any five star restaurant’s menu.

What it tastes like: A woody brandy. The double distillation removes most of the original apple cider taste.

How to drink it: In a tiny thimble after Christmas dinner. If you’re drinking it in anything larger and on a regular basis, you might need an intervention. Mature calvados are deceptively smooth and need to be modestly consumed during special occasions.

Categories
Tastemade/Snapchat

7 Essential Pizza Prints Every Pizza Lover Should Have

There are a lot of people out there who claim to “love” pizza. However, these basic fans don’t know how to commit to pizza. You, on the other hand, want to live and breathe pizza, not just eat it. And you’re not alone! A few visually talented people clearly in lifelong pizza relationships created seven ways to keep your one, true love close to you.

A photo posted by 🍕 #DailyPizza (@pizza) on

 

Pizza Socks

odd sox pizza socks

Warm, sticky, garlicky…pizza was made for feet, but wearing these socks is the only time pizza should be on the ground.

Where to buy: $14.99 at Odd Sox


Pizza Panties

pizza panties

Now, this item is really between you and your pizza, but this is a good option for closeted pizza lovers (looking at you, vegans) who want to show their love without marching in the pizza pride parade.

Where to buy: $5.00 at Target

 

Pizza Backpack

pizza backpack

Who are you gonna trust with your prized belongings? Your hands or your pizza backpack?

Where to buy: $34.99 at Target

 

Pizza Dress

pizza dress

Pizza is as classy as you make it. Take your pizza dress out on a date and let it hug your curves. You know, where its sister pizzas went.

Where to buy: $44 at Sourpuss Clothing

 

Pizza Tie

pizza tie

For the working professional, nothing says dedication and “I can be trusted with your Excel sheets” like a pizza tie.

Where to buy: $36-45 at Zazzle

 

Pizza Onesies

pizza onesie

On a rainy Saturday, pull on your pizza onesie and binge on Netflix and pizza. Or maybe it’s sunny out and you’re just having a bad day. Rest easy knowing that your onesie has your back. And your legs. And everything else except your feet, hands and the delivery bill.

Where to buy: $129.95 at Beloved

 

Pizza Bedsheets

pizza bedsheets

At the end of a long day, everyone just wants to fall into the loving folds of their pizza. These sheets are the ultimate safe space for your body, your feelings, and your late night munchies.

Where to buy: $219.84 at Rage On

Categories
Restaurants

Rollercoaster-Themed Restaurant Serves Food Through…You Guessed It

Rollercoaster-Restaurant-Cover

If you’ve ever been a RollerCoaster Tycoon addict, you’ll probably be familiar with playing through mealtimes just to get your fix. A restaurant in Staffordshire, found in the West Midlands of England, is pretty much a rollercoaster-lovers dream. It also helps that the restaurant is in the middle of a theme park.

Alton Towers, a popular theme park and resort in the UK has a new eatery called, you guessed it, The Rollercoaster Restaurant.

Patrons roll in and order their food through a tablet. Once the order is placed, the food is prepared, placed in a stainless steel pot, secured (because hot soup would be a nightmare) and shot through an impressive network of rollercoaster tracks until it reaches the customers’ table.

Seriously, these tracks go all the way up to the ceilings.

Kind of a dream for any kid who doesn’t want to take a break from roller coaster fun to have lunch or dinner.

Categories
Hit-Or-Miss

The Rainbow Pizza Is The Most Magical Pizza There Is

Previously, Amy of Oh, Bite It has shown us how to make deep fried tequila shotsramen chicken nuggetsgrilled cheese crusted pizzadeep fried srirachapizza tacos and so much more. Now she’s given us a recipe for rainbow pizza. This is a definite win-win all the way around crowd pleaser. Everyone loves rainbows and everyone loves pizza. Anyone who says otherwise IS A LIAR!!!!!1 Sorry for yelling, but you know it’s true.

rainbow-pizza-1

rainbow-pizza-2

Written by Brittany High, IncredibleThings