Categories
Culture

Top Fortune Cookie Writer In The US Quits Over Writer’s Block

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For 30 years, Donald Lau has been inspiring millions with the fortunes he writes tucked away in crescent cookies. The “Chief Fortune Writer” at Wonton Foods is stepping down after decades of writing fortunes, reports Time.

The reason behind his departure? Writer’s block.

Lau told Time that he would write 100 fortunes a year, but now his fortunes have dropped to two or three a month. Decades ago when he first started, according to Lau, the fortunes were…fortuitous. Now, they’re more inspirational than anything.

Wonton Foods, is considered the premiere leader of future cookies, noodles, and wrappers. Lau will continue to serve at the Brooklyn-based company, however, as the Chief Financial Officer. Maybe a change of tasks will shake that writer’s block.

Wishing you the best of fortunes, regardless, sir.

Categories
Brand

MillerCoors Debuts Unexpected New Beer with 6.9% ABV and Notes of Bourbon

miller fortune coors beer

Looking to appeal to 20-something males, MillerCoors is rolling out a very ambitious new brew. Dubbed “Fortune,” their latest offering packs 6.9 percent ABV — almost a full percentage above Bud Light Platinum and Budweiser Black Crown and over 2 percent more than a standard PBR. Supposedly, Fortune features a malty, complex flavor with subtle notes of bourbon. Yes, bourbon in your MillerCoors beer.

Sounds ambitious? The brand takes it a step further by decking out their bottles with a jet black look, a playful Heads & Tails cap and a sleek Ace of Spades icon. A high ABV and notes of bourbon flavor? Check. Craft beer-esque packaging? Check. We see what you did there MillerCoors.

To top it off (yes, we went there), Miller Coors plans on asking bars and vendors to serve the beer in a rocks glass versus the standard pint glass. If you’re looking for this new stuff at a store, you’ll likely shell out $6.99 for a six-pack.

For those readers in Los Angeles, you have a chance to checkout Miller Fortune at its Los Angeles launch party happening this Friday, February 7th @ The Vault. Powered by Power 106 and DJ Felli Fel, the launch event is to include the first West Coast tasting of Miller Fortune, Custom Blackberry Fortune Cookies (see FOODBEAST Instagram), VIP Casino & Raffle, Power 106 Valentine’s Crush Ticket Giveaway, and of course Miller Burlesque Dancers and Fortune Girls.

The Vault Los Angeles

801 S. Hill St.

Los Angeles, CA 90014

9 PM – Close

Categories
Products

Finally, Someone Made Fortune-Telling Bacon

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I hate to break it to you, guy, but just because a super-intelligent spider describes your pig as “some pig,” “terrific” and “radiant” doesn’t mean that when you finally do cook the thing, you’ll magically wind up with fortune-telling bacon. That’s just not how it works.

If you want fortune-telling bacon, do it like the Sisters of Radiant Farms, who previously brought us the magic that was Canned Unicorn Meat and are now back with quite possibly the only way to make the epitome of perfection even better.

Created from magical swine in Ireland, Fortune-Telling Bacon works by revealing the exact kind of fried pork fat you crave at any given time. Just place a strip in the palm of your hand and watch as it curls out its answer, fortune-telling fish style:

Moves Left – Chewy Goodness
Moves Right – Crispy
Both Ends Move – Sizzling Hot
Sides Curl – Canadian
Flips Over – Spicy
Curls up Entirely – Greasy
Lies Motionless – Vegetarian

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Full disclosure: I can’t guarantee this thing will work right each and every time. When I tried it out (in the following fake story which never really happened), I was totally hankering for some turkey bacon, but the stupid thing didn’t even know what to do with that. It didn’t move left or right or lie motionless. It just sort of exploded. I had to go through at least 30 more before realizing that I knew myself and I knew what I wanted and no silly plastic fortune-telling pig was gonna tell me otherwise.

Some pig, indeed.

Fortune Telling Bacon $10 @ Think Geek

H/T Nerdalicious + Picthx Think Geek