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Hit-Or-Miss

The 10 Nastiest Beers Of All Time

When I was in college, the beers I drank (as did the majority of college students in America) were Keystone Light, Bud Light, Coors Light and Natural Light. The majority of people use these beers to drink mass quantities at a time for whatever flip cup, beer pong, civil war, king’s cup or f*** the dealer game they’re playing. It’s just what you do. Nobody wants to have to chug a Stone IPA while playing quarters.

Once college is done, the allure of these beers fades away as fast as all that knowledge you amassed over the last 4+ years. Today, that transition is happening even faster with the growing popularity of craft beers.

Now that I’m all grown up (ish), the thought of any of those four beers makes me really sad. I’ll drink them, but ONLY if I really want to get drunk and there are no other beers around to drink.

Of course, that was my mentality, until I discovered…

The 10 Nastiest Beers Of All Time

1. The Rocky Mountain Oyster Stout

rocky mountain oyster stout

Brewery: Wynkoop Brewing Co – Denver, CO

ABV: 7.5%

Availability: Limited release on April 1st 2014 (originally as an April Fool’s joke) with limited rereleases early every April

Despite the misleading name, oysters are not the main ingredient for this monstrous creation. The main ingredient is none other than…drum roll please…bull testicles! Each barrel of this meaty beer contains three bull testicles and no regrets from the brewmaster.

2. Nimble Lips, Noble Tongue – Pale Ale w/ Squid Ink

Nimble Lips Noble Tongue Pale Ale W: Squid Ink

Brewery: 3 Sheeps Brewing Co – Sheboygan, WI

ABV: 6.2%

Availability: Limited

The brewers at 3 Sheeps like to experiment a lot in their free time with different (albeit strange) ingredients. One brewer in particular wanted to create a pale ale that came in a much darker color but didn’t want to risk compromising any of the other ingredients. Somehow, he discovered squid ink as a viable option. Not only does the ink turn the beer black, but it also enhances the flavor of the hops, not to mention adding an element to the mix that the 3 Sheeps Brewing Company’s website calls “a slight briny character.”

 

3. Beard Beer

beard beer

Brewery: Rogue Ales & Spirits Brewery – Newport, OR

ABV: 4.8%

Availability: In Washington and Oregon only

The Beard Beer uses yeast from a human beard (more specifically the beard of brewmaster John Maier) in order to give it a taste that the brewery itself chooses not to comment on, simply saying, “Try it. We think you’ll be surprised…” Despite the cryptic description, this hair-raising American Wild Ale won gold at the 2015 World Beer Championships. Why they didn’t simply call it a “beerd”, we may never know.

 

4. Dock Street Walker

Dock Street Walker Philadelphia

Brewery: Dock Street Brewing Co – Philadelphia, PA

ABV7.2%

Availability: N/A

The Dock Street Walker is known in Philadelphia as the “beer heard ’round the world,” and for good reason. The beer itself is brewed with a shit ton of wheat, oats and barley to give it a smooth mouthfeel, then cranberries are added for both the color and the bittersweet kick. Finally, the piece de resistance is added to the fray: goat brains. This extremely random and questionable ingredient provides a smoky flavor to the beer, along with a sense of feeling flabbergasted.

 

5. Ghost Face Killah

Twisted Pine Brewing Co. Ghostface Killah

Brewery: Twisted Pine Brewing Co – Boulder, CO

ABV: 5%

Availability: Only during Spring

While the Ghost Face Killah isn’t necessarily disgusting or vile in any way, it certainly earned its place on this list with the slew of other questionable ingredients it contains. The Ghost Face Killah is a Chile Style beer that utilizes the mouth-numbing fire that comes from six different chiles: Anaheim, Fresno, jalapeño, serrano, habenero, and ghost.

 

6. Hvalur 2

Brugghus Steoja Hvalur 2

Brewery: Brugghús Steðji (translates to Anvil Brewery) – Borgarnes, Iceland

ABV: 5.2%

Availability: Only during Spring

This brewery located in Iceland doesn’t even have an actual address, but rather is found using latitudinal and longitudinal coordinates. Hvalur 2 followed the Rocky Mountain Oyster Stout’s philosophy and added big ol’ salty balls to the mix. This time, the balls in question belong to the fin whale rather than a bull. These endangered whales found off the coast of Iceland apparently have delicious balls, because brewery co-founder Dagbjartur Ariliusson decided to, “use smoked testicles from fin whales for flavouring the beer.” Furthermore, the testicles are smoked in dry sheep dung for more “flavour,” but mainly because the glaring lack of trees on the island makes smoking anything rather difficult.

 

7. Coconut Curry Hefeweizen

Lips of Faith Coconut Curry Hefeweizen

Brewery: New Belgium – Fort Collins, CO

ABV: 8%

Availability: N/A

We’ve become accustomed to adorning our beers with all sorts of fruits and vegetables. Hell, even nutsacks are beginning to bowl over competing ingredients for the label spotlight. New Belgium has taken it a step further by creating a coconut and curry flavored beer for the masses. I honestly have no idea how this beer tastes, but any beer that can rock an 8% ABV is worth trying in my book.

 

8. Beer Geek Brunch Weasel

Beer Geek Brunch Weasel

Brewery: Mikkeller ApS – Copenhagen, Denmark

ABV: 10.9%

Availability: Rotating 

Civet cats are adorable little creatures from the weasel family that, while normally aren’t kept as domesticated house pets, provide humans with the ability to find the best coffee beans in the world. The primary diet for these Southeast Asian animals are coffee beans, and just like any other animal, they seek out the highest quality beans for consumption. Thats where Mikkel Borg Bjergsø comes in. The man behind the beer discovered that the Civets have an enzyme in their bellies that breaks down the bean. The Civets droppings are then used to give the beer that strong, stout taste. I guess no one told them not to shit where they drink.

 

9. The End Of History

End of History, Taxidermy Beer

Brewery: Brewdog – Ellon, Scotland

ABV: 55% (you read that right)

Availability: N/A

Brewdog decided to make this aptly named beer with the hopes of redefining the limits of traditional brewing. They took it a step further by placing each beer into taxidermied animals, either a squirrel or a stoat (also known as a short-tailed weasel). Not only is this beer the strongest beer in the world, but it also sports the largest price tag, coming in at a whopping $756 per bottle. Only 12 bottles were made, and all the animals used as stuffing were roadkill, so the gruesome-looking beverage is actually not as morally blank as it may seem to animal-lovers. Still, it’s pretty crazy that this is the strongest beer…

 

10. Snake Venom

Snake Venom, Brewmeister

Brewery: Brewmeister – Keith, Moray, Scotland

ABV: 67.5%

Availability: N/A

…until this came along. While Snake Venom technically is the strongest beer in the world, many people question the validity of that claim by pointing out that it might not actually be beer. A freeze concentrate is used to beef up the alcohol percentage, but that distilling process makes it feel more like hard alcohol than beer. Surprisingly enough, the insanely high ABV doesn’t take away from the actual flavors that the beer boasts, particularly the apples, cherries and lemon. The beer comes in an intense black color and has no head whatsoever, making it look just as peculiar as it sounds.

 

 

 

Photo Credits: 3 Sheeps Brewing, Denver Of The Wagon, Fox News, Brew/Drink/Run, Beer Info, Denver Of The Wagon, Draft Mag, New Belgium, Tree Hugger, The Perfectly Happy Man, Cool Material

Categories
News

Drunk Guy Strips Down And Poops On Supermarket Checkout Counter

Some people get so drunk that they end up doing something stupid, thus metaphorically shitting the bed. One man in particular got so far beyond that level of drunk that he decided to shit the counter…more specifically, the checkout counter at Kroger. Screen Shot 2016-05-31 at 11.28.51 AM

Colin Murphy, a 23-year-old muppet-looking hipster with the world’s most Irish name, walked into the Hyde Park Kroger right outside of Cincinnati on Sunday, May 29, reeking of booze and slurring his words. According to the police report, Murphy “entered Kroger Hyde Park and stripped naked in front of employee.”

After, presumably, swinging his dick around at everybody like he was waving to a friend from afar, Murphy then hopped up onto the self-checkout counter, also known as the “U-Scan It,” and proceeded to drop a fat deuce right on the scanner. Legend says that the scanner somehow picked up a barcode and priced it at $1.49 a pound.

Shortly after this entire fecal debacle, Murphy was found and arrested. Police charged him with disorderly conduct and public indecency.

 

 

Photo Credit: Online Athens, The Smoking Gun

Categories
Restaurants

This Porn Star Just Opened A Restaurant That Specializes In Poop-Flavored Curry

CNN-Poo-Curry-Japan

Screenshot: CNN

If you’re one of Japan’s most popular porn stars, naturally your next career move has to be in the food industry. That’s exactly what Ken Shimizu set out to do when he opened Curry Shop Shimizu. The Tokyo-based eatery will now and forever be known as the spot that serves poop-flavored curry.

CNN got a sneak peek at the curry shop and says the purpose of the place is to “Satisfy an unlikely lifelong desire to find out what excrement tastes like.”

Yep, because that’s what we dream of accomplishing with our taste buds.

CNN-Poo-Curry-Japan-2

Screenshot: CNN

While not actual poop, the curry purposely mimics the texture and flavor of human excrement. Ingredients include fish, bitter tea, cocoa butter and other pungent additions. Pretty much it’s brown, runny and smells terribly.

Shimizu, under the screen name Shimiken, allegedly began his adult film career eating feces on camera. Sources say he ate the feces of more than 250 people, unofficially qualifying him as an authority on how poop should taste.

Since it’s opening in August, the restaurant has garnered a following of regulars that frequent the curry house. Also, of the first 300 visitors to the restaurant, 90 percent had finished their poo curry.

Licked. Clean.

Who knows how long Shimizu’s restaurant could last in Tokyo. A spot with a similar premise opened right here in California, only to go down the toilet.

Photos: CNN

Categories
News

NASA Is Paying Researchers $200,000 To Turn Poop Into Food For Astronauts

Nasa

NASA’s trying to get astronauts to eat their own excrement. No, really.

A team of chemists and bioengineers from Clemson University were hired by NASA to find a sustainable approach to an astronaut’s diet, reports Science Alert. There have been multiple progressions in the process including growing their own romaine lettuce in space.

Now, they’re turning towards human feces.

The group were given a stipend of $200,000 a year for three years to figure out how to accomplish this unconventional feat.

Three years to make poop you can eat. Hopefully, some of that $200,000 goes towards making it tasty.

Categories
Health

Mexican Cilantro Now Banned In The US After Hundreds Got Sick

Cilantro-Ban

A ban on imported cilantro has been implemented by the Food and Drug Administration, KTLA reports. An investigation showed that some cilantro coming from Mexico was linked to hundreds of cases of intestinal illness in the United States.

The FDA stated that the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention have identified hundreds of cyclosporiasis outbreaks in the US that were linked to cilantro grown in the state of Puebla, Mexico, as far back as 2012.

Cyclosporiasis, an intestinal illness, is known to cause diarrhea and vomiting. It’s caused by microscopic parasite Cyclospora cayetanesis. The farms and packing houses that produce the cilantro have since been inspected, with five “directly linked” to the parasite and eight featured “objectionable conditions.”

Restrooms at the farms were lacking running water, soap and toilet paper. Human feces and toilet paper were found in the fields and the holding tanks tested positive for Cyclospora cayetanensis. Not good.

Without the proper documents, the FDA will not allow cilantro grown outside Pueblo into the US from April 1 through August 31.

Categories
Hit-Or-Miss

This Is The Nasty Crap The FDA Allows In Your Food

FDA-Food-Defects

Opening a bag of pretzels can be harmless enough. You’d never think to find rat droppings, maggots, or mold in your salted snack. Turns out, no matter how disgusting these things sound, the Food and Drug Administration says it’s safe to eat.

Live Science found a booklet published by the FDA titled the Defect Levels Handbook. In it, the book lists more than 100 different foods and foreign things found in those foods. Among them include: rodent filth, maggots, fly eggs, grit, sand, cigarette butts, mold and grit.

Of course, the FDA doesn’t approve noticeable chunks of these nasty things in your food. Rather, the booklet lists acceptable levels of each item that’s allowed to be present in food. For example, wheat flour might contain microscopic amounts of rodent hair and excrement.

According to the FDA, it’s economically impractical to think you can grow or produce any kinds of foods without some bits of these “defect.” Yes, they’re officially referring to them as defects rather than hazardous waste materials.

Photo: The Lonely Island

Categories
Technology

Food Waste and Poop: How to Ride a Bus Into the Future

Bio-Bus

With all the foods we’re cramming into our bodies, we might as well make the most of the waste we’re producing. Why not a poop bus? The UK currently has a bus running between Bristol Airport and Bath city center that’s powered by food waste and human feces. Poo.

The Bio Bus is fueled by biomethane gas, produced through decomposed organic matter or animal and human byproducts. The bus can travel up to 186 miles on a single tank of fuel, which is roughly a year’s worth of bowel movements for five people. Possibly three people with a bean burrito-heavy diet.

You don’t have to hold your breath, however, as the fuel has had its impurities stripped leaving behind a “virtually odorless” emission. With the gas tanks on the roof of the bus, it’s pretty much as stinky as any other regular form of public transportation.

Biomethane gas is known to reduce greenhouse emissions by 88 percent when stacked against gasoline. It’s pretty much the same as a natural gas as it utilizes fresh matter rather than decomposed.

Renewable gas, as a whole, is becoming a more common form of fuel. While the US uses Biomethane gas on a smaller scale, European countries like Sweden and Germany use it a fair amount, according to the US Department of Energy. A quarter of Germany’s natural gas stations dispense Biomethane as fuel, while 38,500 of Sweden’s vehicles utilize the same.

The future is poo.

h/t Mashable

Categories
Health

Today I Learned: Yes, You Can Eat Your Own Poop

poopcookie

Even when we were infants, the idea of coprophagy (the consumption of feces, guys) was gross, but apparently some very high-minded journalists over at Gawker are still dying to know: is it or isn’t it safe to eat your own poop?

Luckily enough for them, science was ready with the answer. And luckily enough for all you latent Phils and Lils out there, the answer wasn’t pretty.

(It’s yes, by the way. Yes you can eat your own poopy-poop.)

The gist is that while urine is sterile and poop isn’t, both are perfectly safe to eat, because all the bacteria in poop is 100% yours.

“Those are the same bacteria that live in your gut and play many healthy roles in your body,” Daniel Pomp, a professor from the UNC School of Global Public Health, told Gizmodo, “so coprophagy is not necessarily unhealthy unless the poop originates from an unhealthy individual.”

Our natural aversion to eating poop, moreover, probably comes from the fact that most fecal matter repositories (sewers and toilets and things) aren’t usually filled with just our personal stool, but rather, mixed stools from a considerable range of other behinds – which are of course poisonous.

But if you were able to obtain a perfectly clean pile of poop, and were hankering for a warm, steamy fecal breakfast, science says eat away. Sure you may get a weird glance here and there, but other animals eat their own poop and there may be some nutritional value in there. Maybe. If you dig.

It’s something?

H/T Gizmodo + PicThx Shishigirl