Independence Day in America is one of those rare holidays that doesn’t seem to exist just to make people buy things. Sure, you’ve got all the fireworks kiosks. And yes, they don’t just give away all that patriotic tablewear and those hot dogs and grilling utensils for free. But mostly it’s about eating well, sitting back and enjoying each other’s company. Except when it’s about burning in the summer sun. Or suffering from food poisoning. Or being too hungover to work because this stupid holiday just had to fall on a weekday.
Ah well, at least we have the freedom to gripe about it together. ‘MURICA.
Expectation: Throwing a cool, outdoor barbecue in the shade
Reality: Just stepping outside feels like burning
Alternative: Having it at the beach and being gloomy as f@#k
Expectation: Having time to make lots of cute, USA-themed snacks
Reality: Barely having enough time to buy groceries
Expectation: Enjoying a nice, stress-free potluck with friends and family
Picthx: Chella’s Common Cents
Reality: No one brings anything but booze and utensils, forcing you to whip up something last minute
Expectation: Sticking to your summer diet
Reality: Parking your butt at the dessert table
Expectation: Lighting the grill on the first try
Reality: UGH WHY MUST YOU BE SO DIFFICULT?!
Expectation: Finally getting to nom on all the delicious grilled grub
Reality: Waiting. Lots of waiting. Probably some food poisoning when you get tired of waiting.
Expectation: Washing everything down with a sweet, cool, delicious ice cream
Reality: Staring at a great big puddle of melted cow tears
Expectation: It’s a classy summer party, time to break out the sparkling whites and rosés!
Reality: PBR for days
Expectation: Toasting the perfect s’more
Reality: Ending up with a pile of burnt messy goop
Can you even call those s’mores anymore?
Picthx: Chocolate Moosey
Expectations: Kicking off the night with beautiful fireworks
Reality: Too cloudy to see ANYTHING
Expectations: Being totally able to function at work tomorrow
Expectations: Spending the day filled with the love of your country
Reality: ‘MURICA F@#K YEAHHH”
Happy 4th of July everybody!