When I was in college, the beers I drank (as did the majority of college students in America) were Keystone Light, Bud Light, Coors Light and Natural Light. The majority of people use these beers to drink mass quantities at a time for whatever flip cup, beer pong, civil war, king’s cup or f*** the dealer game they’re playing. It’s just what you do. Nobody wants to have to chug a Stone IPA while playing quarters.
Once college is done, the allure of these beers fades away as fast as all that knowledge you amassed over the last 4+ years. Today, that transition is happening even faster with the growing popularity of craft beers.
Now that I’m all grown up (ish), the thought of any of those four beers makes me really sad. I’ll drink them, but ONLY if I really want to get drunk and there are no other beers around to drink.
Of course, that was my mentality, until I discovered…
The 10 Nastiest Beers Of All Time
1. The Rocky Mountain Oyster Stout
Brewery: Wynkoop Brewing Co – Denver, CO
Availability: Limited release on April 1st 2014 (originally as an April Fool’s joke) with limited rereleases early every April
Despite the misleading name, oysters are not the main ingredient for this monstrous creation. The main ingredient is none other than…drum roll please…bull testicles! Each barrel of this meaty beer contains three bull testicles and no regrets from the brewmaster.
2. Nimble Lips, Noble Tongue – Pale Ale w/ Squid Ink
Brewery: 3 Sheeps Brewing Co – Sheboygan, WI
The brewers at 3 Sheeps like to experiment a lot in their free time with different (albeit strange) ingredients. One brewer in particular wanted to create a pale ale that came in a much darker color but didn’t want to risk compromising any of the other ingredients. Somehow, he discovered squid ink as a viable option. Not only does the ink turn the beer black, but it also enhances the flavor of the hops, not to mention adding an element to the mix that the 3 Sheeps Brewing Company’s website calls “a slight briny character.”
3. Beard Beer
Brewery: Rogue Ales & Spirits Brewery – Newport, OR
Availability: In Washington and Oregon only
The Beard Beer uses yeast from a human beard (more specifically the beard of brewmaster John Maier) in order to give it a taste that the brewery itself chooses not to comment on, simply saying, “Try it. We think you’ll be surprised…” Despite the cryptic description, this hair-raising American Wild Ale won gold at the 2015 World Beer Championships. Why they didn’t simply call it a “beerd”, we may never know.
4. Dock Street Walker
Brewery: Dock Street Brewing Co – Philadelphia, PA
The Dock Street Walker is known in Philadelphia as the “beer heard ’round the world,” and for good reason. The beer itself is brewed with a shit ton of wheat, oats and barley to give it a smooth mouthfeel, then cranberries are added for both the color and the bittersweet kick. Finally, the piece de resistance is added to the fray: goat brains. This extremely random and questionable ingredient provides a smoky flavor to the beer, along with a sense of feeling flabbergasted.
5. Ghost Face Killah
Brewery: Twisted Pine Brewing Co – Boulder, CO
Availability: Only during Spring
While the Ghost Face Killah isn’t necessarily disgusting or vile in any way, it certainly earned its place on this list with the slew of other questionable ingredients it contains. The Ghost Face Killah is a Chile Style beer that utilizes the mouth-numbing fire that comes from six different chiles: Anaheim, Fresno, jalapeño, serrano, habenero, and ghost.
6. Hvalur 2
Brewery: Brugghús Steðji (translates to Anvil Brewery) – Borgarnes, Iceland
Availability: Only during Spring
This brewery located in Iceland doesn’t even have an actual address, but rather is found using latitudinal and longitudinal coordinates. Hvalur 2 followed the Rocky Mountain Oyster Stout’s philosophy and added big ol’ salty balls to the mix. This time, the balls in question belong to the fin whale rather than a bull. These endangered whales found off the coast of Iceland apparently have delicious balls, because brewery co-founder Dagbjartur Ariliusson decided to, “use smoked testicles from fin whales for flavouring the beer.” Furthermore, the testicles are smoked in dry sheep dung for more “flavour,” but mainly because the glaring lack of trees on the island makes smoking anything rather difficult.
7. Coconut Curry Hefeweizen
Brewery: New Belgium – Fort Collins, CO
We’ve become accustomed to adorning our beers with all sorts of fruits and vegetables. Hell, even nutsacks are beginning to bowl over competing ingredients for the label spotlight. New Belgium has taken it a step further by creating a coconut and curry flavored beer for the masses. I honestly have no idea how this beer tastes, but any beer that can rock an 8% ABV is worth trying in my book.
8. Beer Geek Brunch Weasel
Brewery: Mikkeller ApS – Copenhagen, Denmark
Civet cats are adorable little creatures from the weasel family that, while normally aren’t kept as domesticated house pets, provide humans with the ability to find the best coffee beans in the world. The primary diet for these Southeast Asian animals are coffee beans, and just like any other animal, they seek out the highest quality beans for consumption. Thats where Mikkel Borg Bjergsø comes in. The man behind the beer discovered that the Civets have an enzyme in their bellies that breaks down the bean. The Civets droppings are then used to give the beer that strong, stout taste. I guess no one told them not to shit where they drink.
9. The End Of History
Brewery: Brewdog – Ellon, Scotland
ABV: 55% (you read that right)
Brewdog decided to make this aptly named beer with the hopes of redefining the limits of traditional brewing. They took it a step further by placing each beer into taxidermied animals, either a squirrel or a stoat (also known as a short-tailed weasel). Not only is this beer the strongest beer in the world, but it also sports the largest price tag, coming in at a whopping $756 per bottle. Only 12 bottles were made, and all the animals used as stuffing were roadkill, so the gruesome-looking beverage is actually not as morally blank as it may seem to animal-lovers. Still, it’s pretty crazy that this is the strongest beer…
10. Snake Venom
Brewery: Brewmeister – Keith, Moray, Scotland
…until this came along. While Snake Venom technically is the strongest beer in the world, many people question the validity of that claim by pointing out that it might not actually be beer. A freeze concentrate is used to beef up the alcohol percentage, but that distilling process makes it feel more like hard alcohol than beer. Surprisingly enough, the insanely high ABV doesn’t take away from the actual flavors that the beer boasts, particularly the apples, cherries and lemon. The beer comes in an intense black color and has no head whatsoever, making it look just as peculiar as it sounds.