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Features

[DOOMSDAY SPECIAL] We Ask The Foodbeast Staff What They’d Eat On the World’s Last Day

Since Doomsday is just around the corner and we’re ravenous 24/7, it was natural for the Foodbeast team to contemplate what our last meals on Earth would be. We think the answer says a lot about a person. In our case, we like our booze, cheese and protein — because when we eat, we also like to party… like there’s no tomorrow. Too soon? #YOLO

 

Elie Ayrouth – Publisher

“The burger from Playground in Downtown Santa Ana, CA. Animal Style fries from In-N-Out. Garbage bag full of Sour Patch Kids.”

 

Rudy Chaney – Product Development Director 

“Costco Pepperoni Pizza and a handle of Popov.”

 

Charisma Madarang – Associate Editor

“An entire plate of sashimi tuna, a Yeti Imperial Stout and a warm chocolate chip cookie.”

 

Dominique Zamora – Staff Writer

“I don’t really care what I eat, but I really, really, really want one of those blue ‘holiday edition’ traffic cone cups from Carsland [at Disney’s California Adventure]. I know it’s just soda inside but I’ve been wanting one forever so if I wasn’t stuck at work today, I’d totally be there hoarding all the ones I could find. They’re too cute.”

 

Marc Kharrat – Foodbeast TV Producer

“The Carbonara Chicken sandwich from Holstein’s in Las Vegas, NV. Chilli Cheese fries from The Hat. A bottle of Special Reserve Jameson whiskey. A jar of Nutella and a handful of bacon-wrapped Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups.”

 

Aziza-Mistral Sullivan – Contributor

“I was going to say fresh ceviche from an actual Spanish-speaking country. But then I thought if it’s my last meal, calories don’t count. In that case, please see that I am buried in a six-foot deep Pyrex dish of Mark Bittman’s peach cobbler. With extra cobble, please. ”

 

Maziar Azizi – Contributor

“My last meal would be the truffle burger from Umami Burger with McDonalds fries and a few Del Taco strawberry churros for dessert.”

 

Danielle Mooradian – Contributor

“Although not very original, my last meal would be pepperoni and mushroom pizza with extra cheese, and an ice cream sundae for dessert. That’s my big apocalyptic F you to lactose intolerance!”

 

Cristiana Wilcoxon – Contributor

“My last meal would be Annie’s white cheddar mac & cheese with blood orange soda followed by some unbaked sugar cookie dough. Never grow up. ”

 

Brian Yamamoto – Contributor

“A grass-fed 32oz Porterhouse steak served rare accompanied by a glass of 15-year-old rye whiskey served neat so I can go out with some acumen of class and dignity. Followed promptly by a plate of pizza roll snacks with a freshly baked chocolate chip cookie a la mode to go out like a true Foodbeast.”

 

Joey Nargizian – Contributor

“My last meal would have to be a bacon burger with a fried egg. I’ve only made it once, and fell in food love at first bite. On the side I’d have sweet potato fries and sautéed  brussel sprouts. And, obviously, a good beer, or two, to wash it down.”

 

Emily Villanueva – Contributor

“I’m afraid my last supper would be pretty boring — in times of distress (or impending apocalypse) I always go for homey, comfort food that reminds me of my childhood. My mom’s potato salad and garlic spaghetti, my grandma’s cassava cake, my grandpa’s persimmon bread. Basically, my culinary equivalent of a hug.”

 

Isai Rocha – Contributor

“A pastrami sandwich from Katz Deli, a side of hot wings and a tall glass of Coke.

 

Dominique Boubion – Contributor

“Bibimbap. Since I didn’t grow up with Korean food, I will never eat it, nor all of its accompanied side dishes, enough times.”

 

The Glut Life (Zach and Jason) – Recipe Contributor

“For our last meal we’re going to have to go Hannibal Lecter style… C’mon don’t play like you’ve never wondered. Plus if we’re all going to turn into zombies might as well prep the palate. “

Categories
Humor

JELL-O Offers Pudding Sacrifice in Hopes to Stop Mayan Doomsday [VIDEO]

According to Jell-O, the gods are ending the world because of the Mayan’s boring offerings of root crops. (That has to be offensive to someone, somewhere.)

Jell-O has constructed a plan to offer its pudding snacks to the gods in hopes that it will be enough to prevent this Friday’s predicted apocalypse.

In the commercial, a group of men are shown climbing up what looks to be the Kukulkan Pyramid of Chichen Itza with a box full of Jell-O chocolate pudding snacks to offer the gods of the Maya.

Note: I’m not sure if the gods will appreciate that the Aztec calendar is portrayed in the commercial and not the Mayan calendar at 0:08 seconds.

Surely, if we live to see December, 22, Jell-O will take the credit for it and plan some kind of weird Jell-O party hosted by Bill Cosby.

Will the gods be happy with the sacrifice, or has Jell-O pissed them off even more? I guess we’ll find out.

 

via YouTube

Categories
Hit-Or-Miss

Finally, His and Hers Potato Chips

Enough with this “what’s yours is mine, mi casa es su casa” nonsense. If I want to have an entire bag of potato chips to myself, that’s damn well what I’m going to do. And no amount of ass-kissing or pussy-footing from you is gonna change my mind.

Categories
Restaurants

‘Armageddon Burger’ Prepares You for Mayan Doomsday With a Bacon Meatloaf Patty

Southern California-based burger chain Slater’s 50/50 is at it again, and this time with a burger of apocalyptic proportions.

In honor of the Mayan’s earth-destroying gift to us, Slater’s 50/50 (the proud creators of the half-ground bacon, half-ground beef patty) introduced the Armageddon Burger as its burger of the month for December.

If this is the last meal you eat, it will be quite a impactful one as it consists of a burger patty made of 50 percent beef and 50 percent rendered pancetta. That patty is then wrapped in more bacon and topped with prosciutto, arugula, mustard, and chipotle ketchup. If that isn’t enough bacon for you, the burger is sandwiched between a bacon pretzel bun.

When we asked chain Vice President of Marketing Erika DiProfio what made this burger more armageddon-like opposed to their other headline-worthy burgers such as the 100 percent ground bacon burger and even held claim to the spiciest chain burger with its 50 Alarm burger, she explained that “this burger is the ultimate comfort food…We couldn’t think of any other food that is more comforting to eat before the world ends- a bacon meatloaf burger with decadent prosciutto.

Here’s hoping that we make it past Dec. 21 so we can lust over whatever crazy invention Slater’s has in store for January’s burger of the month.

Categories
Hit-Or-Miss

Apparently Nuked Cans Of Beer Are Still Safe To Drink, May Taste A Little ‘Off’

For those of you lucky enough to still be alive on December 22, you can now rest assured knowing your favorite drugstore brews will not only remain completely intact, but will also be completely drinkable.

This is all thanks to a recently discovered 1957 U.S. government study entitled “The Effect of Nuclear Explosions on Commercially Packaged Beverages” (codename: Operation Teapot), for which scientists placed several cans and bottles of soda and beer at various distances from an atomic explosion in order to test their subsequent taste and radioactivity.

As relayed by NPR’s Robert Krulwich, the scientists with arguably the best (or worst) job ever exploded two bombs — one 20 kilotons of TNT, the other 30 — and discovered that most of the bottles and cans not only survived the explosion, but also served as decent enough buffers to prevent any obscene amount of radioactivity from spilling over into their contents. The drinks, Krulwich writes, were in fact  “well within the permissible limits for emergency use” according to the report, with the operative word “emergency” probably meaning something like you won’t turn zombie or sprout extra eyes or anything, at least not right away.

He does go on to state that immediate taste tests did reveal a “slight flavor change” in drinks exposed at 1,270 feet from Ground Zero, while the “most blasted” beers were “‘definitely off.'” But who knows? Maybe the radioactivity just bumped up the alcohol content and by the time the tests were done, all these scientists were drinking Super Saiyan-level Moonshine and talking nonsense.

The moral of the story is, when in doubt in the midst of a thirst-quenching end-of-world scenario, go ahead and take a sip of that rusty, radioactive Corona or Miller or Bud. Because science. And because beer.

Categories
Hit-Or-Miss

New York Artist Turns Doomsday Prepper by Serving Gourmet Rats for $100 a Pop

It’s almost August now, which means we’re about 2/3 of the way through the year or 2/3 of the way closer to the zombie apocalypse, so it might be a good idea for us to all to step back, take a breather and cut a page from the book of artist Laura Ginn – who recently served a $100-a-head gourmet dinner made almost entirely from rats.

Yes, you read that right. $100. For rats.

As part of a photography and performance event called “Tomorrow We Will Feast Again on What We Catch,” a group of about twenty New Yorkers got the chance to sup on a succulent meal of rat and pork paté and braised and grilled rodent carcass, among other ratty incarnations.

Ginn’s Kickstarter page explains: “I’ve spent the past year and a half working on a new project exploring self-sufficiency in an urban environment,” Ginn writes. From building her own shelters to making her own leather from actual animal skins, Ginn has tapped into our hunter-gatherer roots and perhaps provided diners the key to making it out of 2012 alive.

Granted, the 75 rats used to create the meal weren’t your average NYC bottom feeders and were in fact delivered cleaned and frozen from a medical facility in California. But the “post-apocalyptic hunter-gatherer feast” still managed to both gross out and engross, even when served on a goat cheese crostini or as a jerky slice dessert on French toast.

For just $2000, you can have your very own private dinner made from Master Splinter’s cousins; $5000 will get you a private dinner for four.

Cowabunga.

[Via HuffPo]