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Hit-Or-Miss

The 10 Nastiest Beers Of All Time

When I was in college, the beers I drank (as did the majority of college students in America) were Keystone Light, Bud Light, Coors Light and Natural Light. The majority of people use these beers to drink mass quantities at a time for whatever flip cup, beer pong, civil war, king’s cup or f*** the dealer game they’re playing. It’s just what you do. Nobody wants to have to chug a Stone IPA while playing quarters.

Once college is done, the allure of these beers fades away as fast as all that knowledge you amassed over the last 4+ years. Today, that transition is happening even faster with the growing popularity of craft beers.

Now that I’m all grown up (ish), the thought of any of those four beers makes me really sad. I’ll drink them, but ONLY if I really want to get drunk and there are no other beers around to drink.

Of course, that was my mentality, until I discovered…

The 10 Nastiest Beers Of All Time

1. The Rocky Mountain Oyster Stout

rocky mountain oyster stout

Brewery: Wynkoop Brewing Co – Denver, CO

ABV: 7.5%

Availability: Limited release on April 1st 2014 (originally as an April Fool’s joke) with limited rereleases early every April

Despite the misleading name, oysters are not the main ingredient for this monstrous creation. The main ingredient is none other than…drum roll please…bull testicles! Each barrel of this meaty beer contains three bull testicles and no regrets from the brewmaster.

2. Nimble Lips, Noble Tongue – Pale Ale w/ Squid Ink

Nimble Lips Noble Tongue Pale Ale W: Squid Ink

Brewery: 3 Sheeps Brewing Co – Sheboygan, WI

ABV: 6.2%

Availability: Limited

The brewers at 3 Sheeps like to experiment a lot in their free time with different (albeit strange) ingredients. One brewer in particular wanted to create a pale ale that came in a much darker color but didn’t want to risk compromising any of the other ingredients. Somehow, he discovered squid ink as a viable option. Not only does the ink turn the beer black, but it also enhances the flavor of the hops, not to mention adding an element to the mix that the 3 Sheeps Brewing Company’s website calls “a slight briny character.”

 

3. Beard Beer

beard beer

Brewery: Rogue Ales & Spirits Brewery – Newport, OR

ABV: 4.8%

Availability: In Washington and Oregon only

The Beard Beer uses yeast from a human beard (more specifically the beard of brewmaster John Maier) in order to give it a taste that the brewery itself chooses not to comment on, simply saying, “Try it. We think you’ll be surprised…” Despite the cryptic description, this hair-raising American Wild Ale won gold at the 2015 World Beer Championships. Why they didn’t simply call it a “beerd”, we may never know.

 

4. Dock Street Walker

Dock Street Walker Philadelphia

Brewery: Dock Street Brewing Co – Philadelphia, PA

ABV7.2%

Availability: N/A

The Dock Street Walker is known in Philadelphia as the “beer heard ’round the world,” and for good reason. The beer itself is brewed with a shit ton of wheat, oats and barley to give it a smooth mouthfeel, then cranberries are added for both the color and the bittersweet kick. Finally, the piece de resistance is added to the fray: goat brains. This extremely random and questionable ingredient provides a smoky flavor to the beer, along with a sense of feeling flabbergasted.

 

5. Ghost Face Killah

Twisted Pine Brewing Co. Ghostface Killah

Brewery: Twisted Pine Brewing Co – Boulder, CO

ABV: 5%

Availability: Only during Spring

While the Ghost Face Killah isn’t necessarily disgusting or vile in any way, it certainly earned its place on this list with the slew of other questionable ingredients it contains. The Ghost Face Killah is a Chile Style beer that utilizes the mouth-numbing fire that comes from six different chiles: Anaheim, Fresno, jalapeño, serrano, habenero, and ghost.

 

6. Hvalur 2

Brugghus Steoja Hvalur 2

Brewery: Brugghús Steðji (translates to Anvil Brewery) – Borgarnes, Iceland

ABV: 5.2%

Availability: Only during Spring

This brewery located in Iceland doesn’t even have an actual address, but rather is found using latitudinal and longitudinal coordinates. Hvalur 2 followed the Rocky Mountain Oyster Stout’s philosophy and added big ol’ salty balls to the mix. This time, the balls in question belong to the fin whale rather than a bull. These endangered whales found off the coast of Iceland apparently have delicious balls, because brewery co-founder Dagbjartur Ariliusson decided to, “use smoked testicles from fin whales for flavouring the beer.” Furthermore, the testicles are smoked in dry sheep dung for more “flavour,” but mainly because the glaring lack of trees on the island makes smoking anything rather difficult.

 

7. Coconut Curry Hefeweizen

Lips of Faith Coconut Curry Hefeweizen

Brewery: New Belgium – Fort Collins, CO

ABV: 8%

Availability: N/A

We’ve become accustomed to adorning our beers with all sorts of fruits and vegetables. Hell, even nutsacks are beginning to bowl over competing ingredients for the label spotlight. New Belgium has taken it a step further by creating a coconut and curry flavored beer for the masses. I honestly have no idea how this beer tastes, but any beer that can rock an 8% ABV is worth trying in my book.

 

8. Beer Geek Brunch Weasel

Beer Geek Brunch Weasel

Brewery: Mikkeller ApS – Copenhagen, Denmark

ABV: 10.9%

Availability: Rotating 

Civet cats are adorable little creatures from the weasel family that, while normally aren’t kept as domesticated house pets, provide humans with the ability to find the best coffee beans in the world. The primary diet for these Southeast Asian animals are coffee beans, and just like any other animal, they seek out the highest quality beans for consumption. Thats where Mikkel Borg Bjergsø comes in. The man behind the beer discovered that the Civets have an enzyme in their bellies that breaks down the bean. The Civets droppings are then used to give the beer that strong, stout taste. I guess no one told them not to shit where they drink.

 

9. The End Of History

End of History, Taxidermy Beer

Brewery: Brewdog – Ellon, Scotland

ABV: 55% (you read that right)

Availability: N/A

Brewdog decided to make this aptly named beer with the hopes of redefining the limits of traditional brewing. They took it a step further by placing each beer into taxidermied animals, either a squirrel or a stoat (also known as a short-tailed weasel). Not only is this beer the strongest beer in the world, but it also sports the largest price tag, coming in at a whopping $756 per bottle. Only 12 bottles were made, and all the animals used as stuffing were roadkill, so the gruesome-looking beverage is actually not as morally blank as it may seem to animal-lovers. Still, it’s pretty crazy that this is the strongest beer…

 

10. Snake Venom

Snake Venom, Brewmeister

Brewery: Brewmeister – Keith, Moray, Scotland

ABV: 67.5%

Availability: N/A

…until this came along. While Snake Venom technically is the strongest beer in the world, many people question the validity of that claim by pointing out that it might not actually be beer. A freeze concentrate is used to beef up the alcohol percentage, but that distilling process makes it feel more like hard alcohol than beer. Surprisingly enough, the insanely high ABV doesn’t take away from the actual flavors that the beer boasts, particularly the apples, cherries and lemon. The beer comes in an intense black color and has no head whatsoever, making it look just as peculiar as it sounds.

 

 

 

Photo Credits: 3 Sheeps Brewing, Denver Of The Wagon, Fox News, Brew/Drink/Run, Beer Info, Denver Of The Wagon, Draft Mag, New Belgium, Tree Hugger, The Perfectly Happy Man, Cool Material

Categories
Hit-Or-Miss

The Time a Jameson Whiskey Heir Bought a Slave to Watch Her Be Eaten by Cannibals

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James S. Jameson,  great (or great-great) grandson of John Jameson, the founder of the Jameson Irish Whiskey empire in 1780, allegedly once purchased a 10-year-old slave girl for the price of six handkerchiefs so that he could watch and sketch her being eaten by a tribe of cannibals in Africa.

Assad Farran, a Syrian translator along for the expedition, described in an affidavit what happened, to which Jameson would later feebly contest as slander.

Historical Context

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Jameson and his entourage, including a slave trader named Tippu Tip (a.k.a. Tippoo) found themselves on the notorious Emin Pasha Relief Expedition in the heart of Africa in the year 1888. It was one of the last major expeditions in crossing Africa, notorious for the many men lost during the trip (including Jameson from fever) which was led by Sir Henry Morton Stanley (who was also charged with finding Dr. Livingstone).

The gentleman were in Ribaruba (a.k.a. Ribakiba), in what is today Lokandu in the Democratic Republic of Congo, which was a stop along the Lualaba River ivory and slave trade route.

Farran’s Accusations

Farran, who was Tippu Tip’s translator, alleged that Jameson had expressed a curiosity of the practice of cannibalism to him. Farran told Tippu who spoke to the chiefs of the town. It was concluded that Jameson was to pay six handkerchiefs to purchase a slave. Jameson allegedly forked over six handkerchiefs and a few minutes later some men brought over a 10-year-old girl. The chiefs then led Jameson, his entourage, and the girl to a native hut, where the man who brought the girl told the natives:

“This is a present from a white man, who wishes to see her eaten.”

The little girl was then tied to a tree as cannibals sharpened knives nearby. Allegedly, she looked around for help as the cannibals surrounded her, but never screamed. She was stabbed twice in the abdomen and bled out. The cannibals then proceeded to slice meat from her and take apart her body for eating.

Assad claimed that Jameson watched and made six sketches of the ordeal, starting with the girl being led away, being stabbed, and several of her being ripped apart. Assad said that Jameson then finished the sketches in watercolor later in his tent, then “Jameson showed these and many other sketches to all the chiefs.”

Jameson Defends Himself

jamessjameson

Jameson contested the incident in 1890 with a letter he wrote as he was dying in Africa — he sent the letter, which he wrote on Aug. 3, 1888, to Sir William McMackinnon which later made it to his wife to be published in the New York TImes on Nov. 15, 1890. It was a strange coincidence that he wrote the letter, highlighting little details of the incident, around the same time Farran recorded the affidavit (which was also published in the New York Times on Nov. 14 1890).

Jameson claims that Tippu told him he would witness cannibalism after a tribal dance, but Jameson “flatly declared that it was impossible that this could happen.” Tippu then asked him for six handkerchiefs of cloth to purchase the girl and prove Jameson wrong. James Jameson then claimed that the incident happened too quick to sketch out then and that he was too shocked to sketch even if he wanted to, nor did he have anything to sketch with anyways. He did, however, make some sketches in his tent later that night. He then went on to include more details, “signed by witnesses as promised,” and set to discredit Assan with fraud in camel dealings and corruption with Belgian officers.

Did Jameson really develop a thing for watching cannibals eat little girls? All we can say is that with Irish whiskey, anything is possible. This has been an episode of Shady Company Histories.

Written by NextShark‘s Max Chang || Source: The Inquisition

Categories
News

Cannibals Get Caught Slinging People-Filled Pastries

empada-brazil.0.0

Hannibal-style empadas, anyone?

Three people are being tried in Brazil for acts of cannibalism and frankly being disturbed as all hell. A husband, his wife and his mistress were all charged with killing and dismembering two women. The women were told they would be offered employment as nannies, but instead were met with a terrible fate.

As if that weren’t bad enough, the grisly threesome ate parts of their victims and used their flesh to make Brazilian pastries known as empadas. To make matters even worse, the trio ate and sold these pastries to their neighbors. Oh, and their innocent kid also ate some people-flavored empadas. Those crazies couldn’t even leave the poor kid out of it. The reasoning behind such a disgusting crime? They were trying to purify the world and reduce its population. Smh.

This isn’t the first time people have gone AWOL and turned full-on cannibal. Last month, we reported on an Australian chef who offed his girlfriend and thought it wise to turn her into a meal. This guy narrowly avoided the cops by taking his own life. Seriously, what the actual fudgsicles is wrong with people?

H/T Washington Post + PicThx Eater

Categories
#foodbeast

Places Where The Five Second Rule Doesn’t Count: Bathroom Stall

stallburger

PicThx That’s Nerdalicious

Categories
Hit-Or-Miss

Woman Finds Dead Bird’s Head in Bag of Spinach After Consuming Bag

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As if a dead frog in a salad wasn’t bad enough we can add dead bird’s head in a bag of frozen veggies to our list of WTF food moments. A Sarasota woman came across the quarter sized bird’s head after she had already dined on some of the bag. To add insult to injury the tiny skull only had one eye which means that it’s very possible that her or her party guests had a little something extra in their appetizer bite. *shudder*

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The bag of frozen spinach came from Publix, a popular grocery chain in Florida. While the market offered their sincerest apologies and a refund the woman doesn’t want anything from the store. Her main concern is two-fold: finding out where the rest of the bird is and pulling all the spinach bags off the shelf so no other customer has to go through the same thing. She later updated folks via Facebook to inform them a Publix representative had visited her with goodies ranging from gift cards to fruit baskets to bags of frozen veggies…including spinach.

H/T + PicThx Gothamist, My Fox Tampa Bay

Categories
Sweets

Too Real: Cakes That Look Like Raw Turkey, Baby Heads & More

Gone are the days of the boring and predictable cakes. No, a new era is here — an era where creative cakes are king. Why stick with icing and piping tools when you can essentially shape, mold and airbrush anything (and we really mean ANYTHING) you want?

We’ve seen some cakes that are appetizing, some that are (not surprisingly) nausea-inducing, and others that are just plain creepy.

Take, for instance, this cake resembling a raw turkey that makes us react in all three of the aforementioned ways.

London-based Sarah Hardy Cakes did an incredible job of modeling the cake to look like a real-life salmonella fest. The orange and rum cake (yum) is eerily realistic, down to the shading, not to mention the bumpy quality of the skin.

We saw a few others that we just had to mention, in the same vein of creepy:

 

White Chocolate Baby Heads

Yeah, these glossy-eyed babies, with their chubby cheeks and cute chins — made of white chocolate by Annabel De Vetten of Conjurer’s Kitchen — can be kind of freaky. But perhaps there’s something endearing about the thought of literally “eating them all up.” Or does the thought of sweet “cannibalism” just make us queasy?

 

Snake Cake

If we didn’t know any better, we’d run screaming from this cake. Those beady eyes, that smooth skin — it’s an impressive likeness of a Burmese python cake created by Francesca Pitcher from North Star Cakes. To be honest, this cake makes me confused — do I want to eat it, or does it want to eat ME?

H/T: HuffPost

 

Thorax Cake

We’re thoroughly fascinated and disgusted. Here’s a gutsy (had to) thorax cake, complete with all of the organs and lots of gore (that’s raspberry sauce, strawberry sauce and more actually). Sheer genius and kind of terrifying.

H/T: Geekologie

Categories
Hit-Or-Miss

Video of the Day: Beijing Delicacies

Something quarky and unique about this video. Maybe it’s the eating of things we normally squash with our foot? Maybe it’s them being deep fried? Maybe it’s Brandon (Triumvir) second-guessing everything he eats, not because it may be disgusting, but because his conscious eggs him about the endangered-ness of the creatures he’s devouring? Nothing is off limits…everything from sea horses and centipedes to scorpions and baby dragon flies. Whatever it may be, you be the judge. Eat on!