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Guide To Drinking Like A Motherf*ckin’ Pirate

Set sail for the high seas with these contemporary takes on classic pirate cocktails, based on your swashbuckler level.

If you’ve seen every Pirates of the Caribbean movie:

Daiquiri

6-drinks-that-are-sure-to-bring-out-the-pirate-in-you-02 Photo: Edsel Little / Flickr  

The Daiquiri gets an undeserved reputation for being a weak vacation drink — mostly due to its slushy sister — but this cocktail is essentially a modern interpretation of grog. Pirates often mixed rum, sugary water, and lime juice to make the alcohol easier to drink, rid their casks of water of bacteria, and stave off scurvy.   And that’s exactly what you tell people the next time your order one.  

  • 1 1/2 oz White rum

 

  • 1/2 oz Simple syrup

 

 

  • 1 oz Lime juice

 

 

 

Pour all ingredients into shaker with ice cubes. Shake well. Strain in chilled cocktail glass.

 

Bumbo

6-drinks-that-are-sure-to-bring-out-the-pirate-in-you-03  Photo: Jeremy Noble / Flickr  

Yet another oldie, but goodie, the Bumbo is another health-conscious cocktail created by pirates of yore, but can be surprisingly sweeter than daiquiris.     

  • 2 oz Dark Rum

 

  • 1 oz Lemon Juice

 

 

  • 1/2 tsp Grenadine

 

 

  • 1/4 tsp (grated) Nutmeg

 

 

 

In a shaker half-filled with ice cubes, combine all of the ingredients. Shake well. Strain into a cocktail glass.

 

If you’ve always had a fondness for treasure maps and scavenger hunts:

 

Dark and Stormy

6-drinks-that-are-sure-to-bring-out-the-pirate-in-you-04 Photo: Peter Sheik / Flickr

This drink didn’t surface until the mid-20th century, but its Caribbean roots and seafaring imagery made it worthy of joining this list. The ginger beer takes the warming bite out of the rum while maintaining the integrity of the spice.

  • 2 ounces Gosling’s or Myers’s dark rum

 

  • 5 ounces ginger beer

 

 

  • Lime wedge

 

 

 

Pour the rum over ice in highball and fill with ginger beer. Squeeze in the lime wedge.

(Nouveau) Sangaree

6-drinks-that-are-sure-to-bring-out-the-pirate-in-you-05 Photo: Daniel García Capel / Flickr

This is not Sangria. Though there are several variations, sangarees are typically less involved than their Spanish counterparts.

  • 2 oz Beaujolais nouveau wine (you may substitute another red wine)

 

  • 1 ½ oz apple brandy

 

 

  • ½ oz gin

 

 

  • ¼ oz dark maple syrup

 

 

  • 2 dashes of Angostura Bitters

 

 

  • thin apple slices

 

 

  • grated cinnamon

 

 

 

Add all the ingredients to a mixing glass and fill with ice. Stir, and strain into a chilled cocktail glass. Garnish with thin apple slices and grated cinnamon.

 

If you’re wearing a hook and eyepatch right now:

 

Barbary Coast

A photo posted by Natalie (@nataliehadley) on

This is one of those “I’m mostly alcohol and you’re about to call your ex” cocktails. If It’s good enough for 19th century San Franciscan sailors, it’s good enough for you.

But you should probably give your phone to someone else beforehand.

  • ¾ oz. scotch
  • ¾ oz. gin
  • ¾ oz. creme de cacao
  • ¾ oz. cream
  • grated nutmeg

 

Combine ingredients in a shaker, shake well and strain into a chilled glass. Garnish with grated nutmeg.

Fog Cutter (Trader Vic’s version)

6-drinks-that-are-sure-to-bring-out-the-pirate-in-you-07

Photo: Paul Stumpr / Flickr

“After two of these, you won’t even see the stuff.”

These are terrifying words from the Fog Cutter’s creator, “Trader Vic” Bergeron. This cocktail bullied the Long Island Iced Tea in middle school. You can swap out the sherry from grenadine if you want to lessen the alcohol content, but this will still hit you where it hurts without apologizing the next day.

  • 1/2 oz Orgeat
  • 2 oz gold rum
  • 1 oz Pisco (a strong, colorless grape brandy)
  • 1/2 oz gin
  • 1 oz orange juice
  • 2 oz lemon juice
  • 1/2 oz sherry float

 

Place all ingredients with ice in a cocktail shaker, shake until chilled. Strain into a cocktail glass filled with crushed ice and float sherry on top.

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Recipes

Here’s How to Make Ginger Beer & Rum Cake Balls

In this crazy-busy, need-it-now world, I know what you must be thinking: “I don’t have time to drink a beer AND eat dessert; I’ve got things to do. Surely, there must be a better way!” There is (and don’t call me Shirley): Dark and Stormy Cake Balls.

If you aren’t familiar with a Dark and Stormy, here’s the gist: ginger beer with a shot of dark rum and a slice of lime. And I’m talking about alcoholic ginger beer here, not that root beer-type ginger beer. Thanks to Betty Crocker and Safeway, I was able to easily procure a gingerbread cake mix, so I have high hopes you’ll be able to find it, too.

ginger beer rum cake balls

Dark and Stormy Cake Balls

Ingredients

  • 1 pkg. Betty Crocker Gingerbread Cake and Cookie Mix
  • 1 bottle (11.2oz) ginger beer
  • 1 egg
  • 4T butter, softened
  • 2 1/2 c powdered sugar
  • 1-2t lime juice
  • zest of 1 lime
  • 2T dark rum
  • White chocolate bark

Directions

  1. Follow directions on the back of the gingerbread cake mix, except substitute water with a full bottle of ginger beer (though no judgment if you take a sip or two), and bake as directed.
  2. While the cake is baking and cooling, cream together butter and powdered sugar, rum, lime juice, and lime zest on low until combined, then on medium-high for 2 minutes until light and fluffy.
  3. Crumble cooled gingerbread cake into a large bowl and stir in frosting until fully combined.
  4. Scoop into 2 teaspoon-sized balls and stick in fridge until cold. (This will make around 50 cake balls)
  5. Melt white chocolate bark, coat cake balls, and return to fridge until set.

The gingerbread, beer, and rum make for a dense, moist, and ever-so-slightly spicy cake ball, while the addition of the lime lightens each bite, creating an extremely tasty and “refreshing” treat.

Enjoy! I know I did.