WHY: Thieves Steal 18 Tons of Crisco


Hialeah police discovered 18 tons of Crisco in an abandoned tractor-trailer in South Florida, reports the St. Petersburg Tribune. The trailer contained 36,000 pounds of Crisco vegetable shortening sticks. The rig with the shortening was reported stolen Sunday morning  from a towing company, according to St. Petersburg police.

While the thieves were nowhere to be found, the Crisco appeared to be intact within the trailer, which was scheduled to be delivered to a distribution facility in Lakeland.

The question of why anyone would need that much vegetable shortening still remains a mystery. A list of possible scenarios the stolen Crisco could be used for follows:

  1. Giant pastry for their community, à la Robin Hood.
  2. They’re greasing up for an even bigger heist.
  3. Crisco is some form of New World currency we’re still unfamiliar with.

A few weeks back, 350,000 pounds of raw chicken were also stolen from a similar rig and held for ransom. While the events are almost certainly unrelated, that would have made a great fried chicken story.

St. Petersburg police are currently looking for any leads that will help locate the Crisco thieves.

H/T St. Petersburg Tribune Picthx Crisco


Today I Learned: You Can Transform Crisco Into An Emergency Candle


When it comes to zombie apocalypses, the guy behind Crisco knew what was up. While many of us instinctively go for the baseball bat or duct tape when we think “Essentials for a Zombie Takeover,” few realize that in the event of an apocalypse, electricity will become a rarity, if not a thing of the past.

Cue in Crisco — a tub of shortening that also happens to be a gigantic candle in disguise. Simply take a tub of Crisco, drill a hole down the middle using a chopstick, insert a piece of string, and light that baby up. The DIY candle will burn for 8 hours a day, for 45 days. 

Bottomline: In case of zombie apocalypse, grab Crisco.

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