Categories
Humor

How Many Men Does it Take to Steal a $10 Sandwich? Four, Apparently

Sanwich

I love sandwiches as much as the next guy. That’s why it terrifies me that, with a few poor decisions, I could easily be sitting in a cell with the fellows who were arrested on Sunday, Aug. 4 in Newport Beach, Calif. for suspicion of stealing a sandwich from a parked car.

Four men were arrested on suspicion of vehicle burglary and conspiracy according to Newport Beach police spokeswoman Jennifer Manzella.

Around 5:55 pm on Sunday, police received a call that a man (who was later identified as Oscar Iglesias, 25) was removing a bag from a parked vehicle in Newport Center Drive, said Manzella. The car had been locked, but the window was lowered.

She added that after taking the bag, Iglesias entered a vehicle waiting. Waiting in the car were Daniel Godinez, 23, Edwin Yhuit, 27, and Daniel Garcia, 28. The four were identified when the anonymous caller gave the police a license plate number and vehicle description. A quick Google Maps search showed that they only made it less than two miles with the sandwich before they were arrested.

The bag with the yet-to-be identified sandwich, was valued at $10. (I’m thinking it HAD to be good though. Possibly pastrami?)

So how far would you go for a sandwich? I guess it depends on the sandwich really. But it had to be really good for these guys to be looking at some jail time and probably a hefty charge.

H/T TheDailyPilot

Categories
Humor

This is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things: Man Steals 75 Chopsticks, Hides Them in His Pants

chopsticks

A Madison man, accused of trespassing in the Hong Kong Café, was found in a nearby McDonald’s last week with 75 chopsticks shoved down his pants after being searched by police.

The 60-year-old Michael Arms was allegedly trespassing in the Hong Kong Café, but by the time the police arrived, he had left, along with 75 chopsticks.  The police found him across the street at a McDonald’s. Although the owner had originally called the police because of trespassing, he was surprised to find out that the real crime was theft.

“The owner said the suspect was asked numerous times to leave since he was just hanging out and not dining,” said police spokesman Joel DeSpain. “He eventually sat down on the dining room floor in the middle of the restaurant, asking ‘Why are you hating on me?'”

“Why are you hating on me?” A great question posted by the alleged, to which I have a few questions of my own: Why steal 75 chopsticks? Don’t you need 76? What good does one chopstick do without its mate? I guess you could poke food. And since he was found in a McDonald’s, eating fries with a single chopstick can’t be that difficult. It’s at least easier than eating rice with only one chopstick, no matter how sticky the rice. And, a Big Mac eaten with a single chopstick immediately classes up the meal. It becomes Asian-American fusion, or a Big Mac hors d’oeuvre.

In the end, can we really fault a man for wanting upward food mobility? Yes, because this is why we can’t have nice things.

H/T LaCrosseTribune

Categories
Hit-Or-Miss

Don’t Have Sex With Olive Oil as Lubricant — Or This Can Happen

olive oil lubricant goes wrongThe state of Florida has a knack for keeping our news queue filled, specifically with the amount of residents that commit food-related crimes (not to mention the state has its own category on Fark). Not too long ago we told you the story of the Palm Bay resident that used Cheez-Its as ninja star weaponry that sent his wife to the hospital. And no one will soon forget the Miami zombie-apocalypse-face-eating story which led the CDC to give a written statement denying the existence of zombies. So what now?

Port St. Lucie resident Barbara Hall and her boyfriend are getting all riled up (sexy time) when she tells him to get the olive oil. The rest is comedic history. The report states:

When (the boyfriend) returned with the olive oil, Barbara asked if he had also brought the PAM cooking spray. Barbara believed (the boyfriend) misunderstood what she had said, and commented on a girl named Pam that he knows.

To briefly summarize, the boyfriend had made a comment about a girl named Pam that he had recently slept with, mistaking the PAM joke for a criticizing comment about a previous rendezvous. An argument began and ended with Hall throwing the Olive Oil bottle and hitting her boyfriend in the head. Hall has since been booked on a domestic battery charge.

Hall did not comment about the specific type of olive oil. So it is still unknown whether the oil was of a virgin, extra virgin or cock-blocking variety.

(via TCPalm, Photo Credit via USDAGov Flickr)