Categories
Features

Why Creamy Peanut Butter Is — And Always Will Be — Better Than Chunky

It’s an age old debate which in truth reveals much more about a person than simple taste preference: Creamy or Chunky?

But the way I see it, it isn’t really that much of a debate, and it really has only two possible outcomes. You can either enjoy peanut butter the way it’s meant to be enjoyed (the very valid reasons for which are listed below). Or you can be terribly, terribly wrong.

_______________

Creamy is smooth.

creamy5

Picthx Wellthy

It’s refined.

creamy1

Picthx Open Source Food

It’s the kinda nut butter you’d be proud to take home to your parents.

creamy6

Picthx Sun Coast Coop

And spend long nights all snuggled up with by the fireplace, reading Ernest Hemingway and drinking Cabernet Sauvignon.

creamy2

Recipe for Peanut Butter Pot de Crème with Red Wine Suicide here.

It isn’t lumpy or rough around the edges.

creamy4

Picthx Pretty Yummy Foods

And when it comes to sexy times, you just know it’d be a lot gentler than chunky would, in all the right ways.

FOOD PEANUTBUTTER 2 KC

Picthx Sun Orchard

And speaking of sexy times, the name “Creamy” just sounds sexier.

creamy7

Picthx Windy Sydney

Try it with me for a sec.

creamy13

Picthx Peanut Butter Lovers

Creamy.

creamy11

Picthx Cook Republic

Ooh, yeahh, creamyyy.

creamy8

Picthx whoaitsaimz

OH MY GOD, CREEAAAMYYYYYY!

creamy12

Picthx predrink

Frankly, chunky peanut butter just can’t compare.

chunky4

Picthx Lucky Taste Buds

It isn’t smooth, it isn’t refined, it isn’t even fully developed.

chunky7

Picthx Frugal Village

It’s like someone was in the middle of making perfect, delicious, velvety-smooth butter and then decided—fuggit!–#YOLO

chunky5

Picthx French Fries to Flax Seeds

And left all these awful, jagged pieces of peanut lying around.

chunky8

Picthx Little Things Big Things

But the texture is what makes it delicious? Please. I mean, why don’t you just eat plain peanuts if you love the texture so damn much?

chunky11

Picthx Wiki

Just look at those things.

chunky2

Picthx ardentepicure

They look like measles.

Toshiba Digital Camera

Picthx KMKeen

Or vomit chunks, ew.

chunky1

Picthx Gourmet Gibbs

And I don’t want them anywhere near my precious peanut butter.

creamy10

Picthx Photo Fenix

Not to mention the fact chunky peanut butter is super anti-social and terrible at mixers.

chunky9

Picthx Cooking Whims

Or the completely-verified, completely-scientific fact that creamy is 78% less likely to kill you or break your teeth (probably).

creamy9

Picthx javcon

Plus, according to this guy, chunky peanut butter is for communists.

creamy

In sum, creamy peanut butter is the best kind of peanut butter, period.

creamy14

Picthx Pretty Yummy Foods

I rest my case. Court dismissed, bring in the dancing bananas.