Health News

Catholic Bishops Permitting Parishioners To Eat Meat During Lent Due To The Pandemic

The coronavirus pandemic has altered the lives of millions of people drastically. In light of that, some Catholic bishops are saying that their faithful have given up enough, and are issuing statements saying that churchgoers don’t need to follow the usual “no meat on Fridays” rule of Lent.

While the actual practice of Lent differs between branches of Christianity, in Catholicism it involves giving something up for the 40-day period, plus not eating meat on Fridays. According to NBC, several Catholic bishops are alleviating that restriction for multiple reasons. Some are saying that it’s because folks are giving up “many other sacrifices” as is during the pandemic, while others refer to the fact that searching for certain types of food (ie. meat-free) has become hard given the current state of grocery stores.

I can personally speak to the struggle of finding meat-free foods at this time. As a member of the Eastern Orthodox Church, I abstain from all meat, dairy, and fish products during the Lenten period. This has been extremely difficult this year, given that when I do go shopping, many stores are very low on stock or completely out of vegan products, including tofu, vegan meats, beans, and other substitutes I rely on during this time annually.

While these announcements may come as a welcome reprieve for some, particularly those struggling to find meat-free foods, not all members of the Catholic Church are on board with the idea. Some have taken to Twitter disagreeing with the decision, saying that they’ve already been denied other parts of the faith, like being able to congregate or partake in Holy Communion, during the pandemic.

“Why are we assumed to be so weak?” reads a tweet from one disapproving member. “Elijah, the prophets, and the saints would spit on us.”

Alcohol Beer

Priest Decides To Open Church That Doubles As A Brewery

You may not think of drinking beer as an acceptable practice in church, but one priest is looking to push the envelope and bring the two together.

According to KNTV, Santa Cruz, CA, pastor Chris VanHall is looking to open a brewery-church hybrid. The space, which he hopes to open next summer, would act as a place of worship for locals on Sunday mornings before the general public arrives.

VanHall, who serves the Greater Purpose Community Church in Santa Cruz, is currently testing the concept with his congregation. They’ve sold their old building and now conduct services in a food lounge, where plenty of beers are served on tap already. So far, VanHall told KNTV, parishioners drink responsibly, having a single beer or glass of wine during church.

“They can have one or two, as a matter of fact if they have two my sermon’s always better,” he said.

Alcohol consumption in church isn’t necessarily a new concept. In fact, it is a historical tradition for Christians to use wine during Communion, although many branches and churches have switched to grape juice over the years. Having a full-service brewery with beers on tap in the same building as the church, though, is definitely not the norm for Christianity. However, there is no rule saying it can’t happen, so whether or not the rest of the Christian community resonates with VanHall will be interesting to see.

Once his brewery-church concept opens, VanHall plans to give back to the local community from what he makes off of the beer, with an estimated 30-60 percent of the profits going to charity.

News Packaged Food

Church Youth Group Finds A Snake’s Head In A Can Of Green Beans

Someone at that church must be doing something really immoral because I honestly don’t think there’s a more ominous sign of impending doom and the rapture than the severed head of Satan’s #1 ride-or-die animal minion.

According to a report by KSL TV, the church women’s youth group was putting on a banquet for the elderly folks of their community when the can with Kaa’s head showed up. Youth group leader Troy Walker was the one who found the head in the can, although she was unsure of the foreign material at first.

“It looked pretty much like a burnt bean. And then as I got closer to lift it off the spoon, I saw eyes.… That’s when I just dropped it and screamed,” says Walker. Of course she dropped it and screamed, anyone with a rational fear of finding dead animals in your non-animal food would have reacted that way.

Western Family, the company that canned the beans, has already recalled the entire batch in order to find the source of the issue and fix it before it causes any more damage to the company, both in image and profitability.

Let’s just hope they got all the cans back before somebody ends up finding Nagini’s ass.



Photo Credit: Whisper, KSL TV, Consumerist

Fast Food

Christian Group Hopes to Lure Hungry Souls to Jesus by Building McDonald’s Inside Church


A religious group in New Jersey is willing to do anything to save the faith, including constructing a fully functional McDonald’s inside a church. Because nothing says Jesus like biting into a saucy Big Mac.

They’re calling it the McMass Project.

Created by Paul Di Lucca, creative director of the church branding agency Lux Dei Design, the McMass Project is the messiah to this generation’s apathetic churchgoers. Through a crowdfunding site, the multi-denominational group hopes to raise $1 million to build a church with a McDonald’s franchise inside.

Di Lucca told NBC that “Christianity is unable to capture modern audiences.” He attributes this to a lack of innovation and lack of design thinking within the church communities.

The McMass site reports that 3 million people leave the faith each year, causing thousands of churches to close down. On the other hand, 7o million people eat every day at McDonald’s. They believe that by combining the two, they can not only restore faith to their members, but also unite the community.

That’s a lot of pressure for a McDonald’s.

According to the fast food company, it costs a minimum of $750,000 of non-borrowed personal resources to even be considered for a franchise. A minimum of 25 percent in cash is required as a down payment for financing. Hence the $1 million goal.

Why on earth would McDonald’s be considered as a savior for religion? The group believes that while the franchise is not only a source of much-needed revenue, it will also act as a “gathering point” to draw in a wider audience.

If that’s the case, churchgoers should flock in droves once Hello Kitty toys cycle through again.

Key contributors of $1,000 or more will receive a special brick on the memorial wall of the McMass church, as well as hats and T-shirts. Cool. They’re also coining the hashtag #Feast4Jesus.

As of Tuesday, $242 has been raised.

H/T Fox News


Clergyman Gets a Potato Stuck Up His Butt While ‘Hanging Curtains Naked’


Here’s how I imagine the conversation between the 50-year-old vicar from Sheffeld, England and his nurse must have gone:

“What exactly were you doing when you found the potato *there*?”