Categories
News

Cannibals Get Caught Slinging People-Filled Pastries

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Hannibal-style empadas, anyone?

Three people are being tried in Brazil for acts of cannibalism and frankly being disturbed as all hell. A husband, his wife and his mistress were all charged with killing and dismembering two women. The women were told they would be offered employment as nannies, but instead were met with a terrible fate.

As if that weren’t bad enough, the grisly threesome ate parts of their victims and used their flesh to make Brazilian pastries known as empadas. To make matters even worse, the trio ate and sold these pastries to their neighbors. Oh, and their innocent kid also ate some people-flavored empadas. Those crazies couldn’t even leave the poor kid out of it. The reasoning behind such a disgusting crime? They were trying to purify the world and reduce its population. Smh.

This isn’t the first time people have gone AWOL and turned full-on cannibal. Last month, we reported on an Australian chef who offed his girlfriend and thought it wise to turn her into a meal. This guy narrowly avoided the cops by taking his own life. Seriously, what the actual fudgsicles is wrong with people?

H/T Washington Post + PicThx Eater

Categories
Hit-Or-Miss

Walking Dead Pop-Up Gives Away ‘Human’ Burgers For Season 5 Premiere

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Whether you’re a zombie or cannibal, there’s little out there as singularly delectable as human flesh. Take it from Issei Sagawa, a 65 year old Japanese man, infamous for murdering and eating a Dutch woman in the ’80s. “It melted in my mouth like raw tuna in a sushi restaurant,” Sagawa claimed. Or William Seabrook, a late American writer and occultist, who wrote that man meat “was like good, fully developed veal, not young, but not yet beef. It was very definitely like that, and it was not like any other meat I had ever tasted.”

Ahem, got pretty bleak there didn’t we? Not to worry though. Even though the upcoming Terminus Tavern pop-up advertises its burgers are made from “human flesh,” the patties actually comprise a much tamer blend of veal, beef, pork, chicken liver, and bone marrow. Phew.

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In promotion of the season five premiere of AMC’s The Walking Dead, “edible art” venture London Mess has partnered with macabre baker extraordinaire Miss Cakehead to give away free “human burgers” next Tuesday (9/30), at a yet undisclosed location in East London. The recipe, supposedly, was inspired by the writings of Seabrook, Sagawa, and others.

Still, if you’d rather not take their words for it, you can find the final pop-up location by following #terminustavern on Twitter and try authentic faux human flesh yourself. Not that you’re into that kinda stuff or anything. Just, you know, for science.

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H/T + PicThx Design Taxi 

Categories
#foodbeast

Artichoke? More Like Artitorture.

artichoke heart

 

via Cuddles and Rage

 

Categories
Humor

Important: This is How Pokémon Eat Their Food

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At least, the PG-version. Because we all know Pokémon are secretly cannibals.

Two weeks ago, awkward-comedy (awk-com?) mastermind Mister Epic Mann brought us the ever-useful series of demonstrations of how to eat like different animals, and it didn’t take the internet long to spawn its inevitable parodies. The winner for the most important, most educational one of the bunch, however, has to go to this darling here, entitled, “How Animals Eat Their Food (POKEMON VERSION).”

Not only do you learn how Blastoise likes to hydro-pump his veggies before smashing his face into them, but you also get a little primer on the differences between each evolution. For instance, did you know that Charmander’s flame attack versus a salad-type is about as strong as a matchstick, but Charizard’s flamethrower breath is super-effective? Don’t even get me started on Snorlax.

Peep the whole video for yourself below, and then remember that “normal” animals don’t exist in the Poké-world, so where do they get their burger meat?

H/T + PicThx Laughing Squid

Categories
Celebrity Grub

Anthony Bourdain Has No Reservations About Cannibalism

If you know anything about Anthony Bourdain, you know that he is infamous for his outspoken viewpoints on food, other celebrity chefs, and life in general. So it should probably come as no surprise that Anthony publicly admitted he would eat human flesh if he had to — but we’ll get back to that in a moment.

Over this past weekend, Bourdain was a featured guest at Brooklyn’s Great GoogaMooga Festival, where he shared his opinions with a large food-loving crowd regarding a variety of topics.  Here is a brief highlight reel:

How does Anthony feel about the quality of pasta made by the Olive Garden? Well, he mentioned he would use a “big f*cking can of gasoline” to burn the restaurant down. Personally, I am a fan of the bread sticks, but let’s move on.

What does Anthony think about the James Beard House? “Why don’t they turn the house into something useful like a methadone clinic?,” he stated. That would be one clinic with a mighty fine meal plan.

What are Anthony’s thoughts on the recent foie gras ban? “I would f*cking eat it [foie gras] for the rest of my life out of sheer spite,”  he proclaimed. I like his spunky determination.

Other topics of conversation included who he would most want to deep-fry and eat (Dick Cheney), more Paula Deen fodder (something involving icing, Robert Irvine, and an animal rectum), and how to best cook a unicorn (roast, grill, AND braise, of course).

So how did we start talking about cannibalism then? Well, when an audience member had the opportunity to propose a question to Bourdain, naturally he wanted to know if he and Bourdain were ever trapped in a cave, would Bourdain wind up eating him? Would Anthony ever eat a human?

The answer — a resounding “”Yes, yes, I f*cking would.”

So now I would like to propose a question, Mr. Bourdain. If you were ever trapped in a cave with Paula Deen, would you eat her too?

Just some food for thought.

Here’s a video of Anthony speaking at the event. Warning- there is some questionable language, so I don’t recommend having your office speakers turned to Megadeth level.

[Via Huffington Post and Christian Post]