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FOODBEAST Hit-Or-Miss Humor News Now Trending

Mother Admits To Using Breast Milk In School’s Bake Sale Brownies

I think this time around, there might be reason to cry over spilled milk, because feeding breast milk to people other than your baby could potentially be hazardous, and putting them in brownies without telling anyone is downright foolish.

An anonymous mom looking for baking advice on Facebook, posted that she “didn’t have time to run to the store,” and felt that using her own breast milk would the a perfect substitute for her child’s bake sale brownies.

The post went viral and comments came flooding in on this mom’s lack of judgement—some were jokes, but some were justifiably irate by the situation.

My favorite:

They say breast milk has a lot of redeeming vitamins and nutrients, right? While that may be true, it is technically not safe to consume breast milk that has not been properly screened. The FDA warns that unscreened breast milk puts individuals at risk for exposure to infectious diseases, and chemical contaminants.

Anytime we eat anything labeled as “homemade,” we run the risk of being exposed to these dangers, so it might be a good idea to ask questions about what’s being used to make those delicious brownies you bought at the farmer’s market.

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Hit-Or-Miss

Breast Milk Prostitution Raid Leads to 15 Arrests in China

A prostitution ring was broken up in Beijing resulting in 15 arrests. The gangs running the ring connected men with breastfeeding women via various websites.

Yes, that American Horror Story scene from season 2 has been acted out in real life by about 200 people, but they are not alone. Many people in the wealthier classes in China have taken to breastfeeding as adults due to its believed healing properties.

breastmilk-pump

Breastfeeding services tend to be offered in conjunction with sexual services and women offering both received more consistent work, according to a source for the South China Morning Report.

Xinxinyu, a domestic services company, also provided wet nurses for adults. Owner Lin Jun told the International Business Times that shy customers could drink breast milk from a breast pump, if they so desired.

Or a Martini glass, if they were feeling fancy.

 H/t IBT

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Hit-Or-Miss

Squirt and Run: Woman Robs Pharmacy Using Breast Milk

milk

In a situation that sounds like a scene from a Farrelly brothers comedy, a woman used her breast milk as a weapon.

According to the Local in Germany, the woman entered a pharmacy looking to buy a breast pump. As the transaction was taking place at the register, she whipped out a titty and started spraying the staff with her breast milk.

She then began to look through the cash registers and counters, simultaneously spraying anyone who tried to talk some sense into her.

Police said she only took 100 euros, which is about $126, so she didn’t exactly milk the pharmacy for everything they had.

The woman got away, apparently armed and dangerous, or boobed and dangerous.

H/T The Local

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Products

Breast Milk Lollipops Exist to Make You Envy Infants

BREAST-MILK-LOLLIPOPS

Let’s be real: after the semen cocktails, the idea of a breast milk lollipop seems downright tame. Not to mention nostalgic — after all, the last time you drank breast milk was also probably the last time you ate as much as you wanted, screamed constantly, and still had someone else wipe your butt.

Lollyphile, the company responsible for creatively flavored lollipops, has a healthy respect for the awesome power of breast milk, describing it as a substance “so delicious it could turn a screaming, furious child into a docile, contented one” and infants as “selfish” for hogging all of it. They’re also quick to reassure any dubious consumers that the lollipops are not made with actual breast milk (so no one has to worry about factories full of pregnant and nursing mothers pumping frantically to keep up with lollipop demand). Lollyphile has expressed a ton of gratitude to the mothers who shared their breast milk with Lollyphile “flavor specialists” to get the authentic breast milk flavor, but the treats themselves are totally vegan.

And no, the lollipops aren’t shaped like breasts.

Breast Milk Lollipops $10 @ Lollyphile 

H/T HuffPo

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Hit-Or-Miss

Watch Tia Eat Tamera’s Placenta – Yes, That Tia and Tamera; Yes, That Placenta

tia

It sounds like what might happen if you slapped a Brazzers logo onto a Sister, Sister screencap, but no, this bit of ruined childhood news actually comes to us courtesy of the Mowry twins’ reality show on Style.

Check out the GIFs below for a play-by-play of this weirdly affectionate scene, in which Tia literally eats – yes, eats – her sister Tamera’s placenta. Surprisingly, without the use of mind control or being otherwise tricked into doing it.

Here we have the beginning, after Tamera has just asked Tia to do the nigh-unspeakable act. Everything’s normal for at least 2 seconds, but then Tia turns around and opens her mouth to receive the dropper. Isn’t she supposed to be the smart one?

Normal, grossed-out reaction:

And then she makes her first mistake of not running far, far away:

And then her second mistake of not spitting it out immediately:

And now we have weird:

Granted, this isn’t the first time the twins have ingested each other’s bodily fluids on television, as Tia approached Tamera with a similar request to try her breast milk back in 2011. And according to the good ol’ internet, placenta-eating (or placentophagy, thanks science!) can actually be really healthy for new moms, especially for staving off postpartem depression. Right.

See the full video for yourself here:

H/T + PicThx 3cbmTV2

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Sweets

Breast Milk Ice Cream on Sale in London

At The Icecreamists shop in London has introduced a new flavor of ice cream in its shop under the alias “Baby Gaga.” The name of flavor was given to the Ice Cream because it contains vanilla, lemon zest and, as odd as it sounds, breast milk. While the store owner plays off any weirdness associated with using the milk extracted from human breasts with terrible authenticity (check the video below), this doesn’t sidestep the fact the store utilized as many as 15 women to make its initial batch of the Baby Gaga ice cream. A serving of the new breast milk ice cream will set you back about $22.50 (14 pounds). (Thx NPR/ITNExtreme)