Categories
Deals

‘Better Call Saul’ Premiere Prompts Cinnabon Giveaway

Cinnabon-Saul

Who: Cinnabon.

What: Mini spoiler warning. In honor of the series premiere of Breaking Bad spinoff Better Call Saul, Cinnabon is giving away free Minibons to patrons. For anyone who didn’t catch the episode, Cinnabon played a pretty sizable role in the episode’s opening scene.

Where: The deal will available at all participating Cinnabon locations.

When: Monday, December 9, 5pm-9pm. The window is pretty tiny, so anyone near a Cinnabon should definitely get on it before they run out.

 

 

Categories
Humor

Listen to Bryan Cranston Narrate ‘You Have to F*cking Eat,’ a Kids Book for Adults

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When LeVar Burton read the “Go the Fuck to Sleep,” a kids-themed book for adults, the Internet broke. Adam Mansbach, the author of the book, now has another follow-up to his 2011 hit entitled “You Have to Fucking Eat” and it looks like he snagged another big name to narrate it.

Readers may remember Bryan Cranston from the popular Fox sitcom Malcolm in the Middle. Cranston has since made a few guest appearances on other shows, though we feel like we’ve might have left out a career highlight for the talented actor.

The book, like its predecessor, utilizes some colorful language to encourage children eat their meals.

Cranston joins the high-caliber selection of actors asked to narrate the Mansbach books. Along with Burton, Cranston’s colleagues include Morgan Freeman and Samuel L. Jackson.

Check out a brief preview of the audiobook which is also available for a free download through the next month.

H/T First We Feast

Categories
Sweets

The 7 Most Dangerous Things Kids Found in Halloween Candy

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Sometimes people are careless and accidentally drop stuff into Halloween candy bags, but most of the time people are just perverse assholes and put needles inside of candy. You can’t even feel safe eating Halloween candy, one of the simple joys in life.

Halloween is coming up and some pretty sick things have been found in kids’ Halloween candy and candy bags in the past. Luckily the candy was checked and no one was hurt in these instances.

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Needle

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According to the Sun Journal, an Auburn, Maine, man found a sewing needle in a fun size Snickers bar that one of his kids received this weekend. Jason Levesque said that outside of urban legends, he’d never thought this had actually happened.

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Meth

61FFd6fcURL._SL1003_There is some candy out there that looks like the Blue Sky meth the mighty Heisenberg sold in Breaking Bad, but that’s not what this 8-year-old girl found in her bag of Halloween candy. According to the Contra Costa Times, a bag of 0.1 grams of crystal meth was found in the bag of the young girl, who lives in Hercules, CA.

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Razor Blade

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There were a couple instances of razor blades found inside candy this Halloween. According to Press of Atlantic City, a blade was found inside a Tootsie Roll in New Jersey. According to MyFox8, there was a separate incident in North Carolina where a razor was found inside a Twix bar.

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Shard of Glass

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In Buffalo, NY, police received a complaint of glass found inside a Tootsie Pop. Buffalo News said that a woman found the glass while celebrating Beggar’s Night with her children. Apparently Beggar’s Night is some kind of East Coast thing, which is the same as trick or treating.

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Bullets

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According to KFOR, an Ohio woman found bullets inside four boxes of her son’s Milk Duds. Each box contained three bullets for a .22 caliber hand gun. Worst of all, the candy was distributed by the kid’s preschool.

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Nails and Staples

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In Spokane, WA, a woman found several metal objects inside the candy her children picked up this Halloween. Her son and a friend were munching on the candy and the friend bit into a nail. The nail poked him, but didn’t cause major harm. As they searched through the rest of the candy, several pieces had nails, staples and watch parts inside.

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Wedding Ring

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According to ABC News, a woman claimed to accidentally drop her wedding ring inside a kid’s Halloween bag. The woman took off her ring when helping her daughter carve a pumpkin and put the ring in a candy jar. On the surface, a wedding ring doesn’t sound like a dangerous thing to find in your candy bag, but I’d argue marriage can be dangerous.

Main PicThx @RWells88

Categories
Hit-Or-Miss

Taco Truck Meth Bust Would Disappoint Heisenberg

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Did you ever watch an episode of “Breaking Bad” and think to yourself, “Man, this show is basically giving a step-by-step blueprint to drug dealing. Some idiot out there is going to try these things”?

So, some idiots out there tried these things. Except they didn’t keep their businesses separate the way Gus Fring did in “Breaking Bad.” Instead, the methamphetamine was sold straight out of a taco truck in Denver, CO. Customers could walk up to the truck, order some tacos and literally order a side of meth.

The Denver Post reported that this was one of the biggest drug busts in Denver’s history as 55 pounds of meth were seized in the investigation called “Operation Cargo.”

Seventeen arrests were made. The operation used several stash houses, a storage unit, a Mini Cooper and, of course, a taco truck.

In the words of Saul Goodman, “You suck at peddling meth.”

H/T Denver Post

Categories
Hit-Or-Miss

Memoirs of a Low-Budget Burger Kingpin

Burger Kingpin

(Disclaimer: Must read story in British accent for dramatic effect.)

One never knows what will be stumbled upon when navigating through Reddit, but when a drug dealing, employee fornicating, money stealing former food manager opens up via AMA, one cannot help but stop and read each of the 200 posts on the thread.

With stories that sound like they’d come from Breaking Bad’s Gus Fring, you have to take the man’s words with a grain of salt. But he stands behind its authenticity, regardless of how unbelievable the events may seem.

He calls himself KingJamesMoFo (classic), but let’s call him the Burger Kingpin — the man who sat back and watched his Albuquerque Burger King slowly burn around him.

Is this man of not right mind? Can these atrocities truly come from a place of truth and not disgruntlement? We may never know, but these are still the Memoirs of a Low-Budget Burger Kingpin:

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Cocaine in the Office

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Of course, the first thing Redditors inquired about was the worst thing he had ever encountered while managing his Albuquerque Burger King.  As the ideas swirled through the Kingpin’s head, he knew the first thing he had to share with the world was his superiors engaging in illegal drug-related activity.

Where should i start… The day i transferred to my new store the manager and cook were sniffing lines in the office as they introduced themselves, there were cigarettes in the sanitizer water because they all smoked inside.

But if only it had stopped there. King James was immediately introduced to a different kind of food industry, and the insane events continued:

I remember once, my cook with hepatitis c shot up heroin in the bathroom and left the needle uncapped in the trashcan. The kid who was taking the trash out almost got poked with it.

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The Sketchy Manager

KingJamesMofo remembered another incident, one that could have potentially damaged the lives of young women, but the Kingpin did not hold back in sharing more definitive stories about his manager.

My 32 yo manager had naked pics of my 16 yo co worker that he showed me. My manager… would hire 18 yo’s bang em out and then they’d either quit or get fired when it got awkward to work with him.

Oh, but his manager did not stop there. The Burger Kingpin revealed what he felt was the saddest moment for his manager:

Craziest thing boss has done is trying to work and deal with customers while he’s nodding out on heroin. It’s just kinda sad.

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Hump D

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When asked if he ever got “busy” in the restroom of the Burger King, the Kingpin revealed an alias and explained it in braggadocios style:

Hahaha! My names Hump D… I like my oatmeal lumpy…
but, yea only with one girl. I was teaching a new girl how to clean the bathrooms and one thing led to another. I don’t regret it.

The bathroom stories did not end there, as he recalled another incident he had experienced:

Gross bathroom: I was at the front counter and an ABQ cop walked up to me and said someone had reported two guys having sex in the bathroom. I had no idea of this happening until the cop came in, but anyways we walked into the bathroom and there was a huge pile of shit in one of the stalls. I guess one of the guys was a butt virgin…:/

PicThx: Funny Junk

 

Of Course, Customers:


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At this point, Redditors were warmed up and targeted customers in their following questions. As KingJamesMofo reminisced over experiences with customers, he expressed his worst experience with a “big black dude.”

Well one time this big black dude came in about to punch me in the face because “his onion rings were skimp”. Like literally screaming in my face while his wife was holding him back. To be fair I was being a smartass and taunted him to “come at me bro”.

Another terrible experience the Burger Kingpin narrated, related to a sperm-filled altercation:

Another time this man came in and threatened to kill me and my cook because he had found DNA evidence of my semen in his burger. YES, semen. We called the cops and they let him go, I guess he was crazy.

Even with these terrible customer service experiences, KingJamesMofo never put them in harms way by altering their food. He did however admit to being an “ass hat.”

I’ve never fucked with someones food or anything. What’s the point… but I can regretfully say, I’ve been a grade A asshat to the customers some days. People can be so freaking stupid ordering food sometimes, it get’s old really quick.

However, his coworkers did not have the same courtesy:

I know this dude ronnie when i first started working there, he used to wipe his hand through his sweaty ass crack and balls before making sandwiches for rude customers. He’d literally pull his hand out of his pants dripping wet and molest someones whopper while our boss just laughed.

BreaKing Bad?

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When KingJamesMofo was called out by Redditors for having similar sounding plot lines to the TV series “Breaking Bad,” he just laughed it off:

Haha that’s funny. I actually used to trade food to this dealer for meth, weed and pills then I would sell it on the side through the drive thru. Yea yea I know, I’m the bad guy, but basically everyone there exploited the benefits of working at BK, and yea i know it Doesn’t justify me doing it.

Then the struggle got real:

Burger King was much easier than drug dealing.

The Burger Kingpin then woefully summarized his entire Burger King experience. The drugs, sex and money all made it seem like he was living a hip hop music video, except it was real life.

PixThx: Fission Spaghetti

Owners a coke head, My general manager was a heroin addict, district managers are drunks/cokeheads/addicts in general. A bunch of store managers steal atleast $1000 a day. I’ve even stole a lot from the store. Just a really dysfunctional franchise in general. I’m not even exaggerating, if I lined everyone up in the company you would see a bunch of people high off whatever, just being babbling idiots. One of my cooks used to serve the owner and his son (a district manager) 3 ounces of coke every two weeks.

Could so much corruption really occur in a small, independently owned Burger King franchise in Albuquerque? One man swears by it. One can only hope to never see such grotesque happenings at their own favorite eatery. Beware of the restaurants you frequent, they might just have an employee gathering insane stories.

You know, stories like those read in the Memoirs of a Low-Budget Burger Kingpin.

Categories
Hit-Or-Miss

So, Who Wants To Drink Some Blue Beer?

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Before we start, let’s have three guesses at where this oddly-hued brew this comes from. (Hint: if you didn’t say “Pandora,” “Smurf Village,” or “Japan” just now, get it together man, honestly.)

Last year, we discovered the glory that was frozen beer foam — not a beer slushy, but a kind of whipped snow developed by Kirin Brewing Company to cool beers by watering them down. Well, in Japan, it seems they’ve taken this neat invention to its next logical step: sports branding.

For a limited time, the Kirin Ichiban Beer Garden in Tokyo is selling an awfully Breaking Bad-esque summer beer in promotion of Japanese soccer team, Samurai Blue. Topped with frozen, bitter beer foam, the Listerine-colored lager is actually nice and “refreshing,” according to Rocket News, with a surprising sweetness at the bottom we can only assume comes from whatever syrup gave the beer its color.

Since it’s only available at the beer garden until July, there’s probably a slim chance this grown-up Kool-Aid will ever make its way to the States. No, we’d never drink anything so weird.

H/T Rocket News

Categories
#foodbeast

Breaking Bad Gingerbread Meth Lab

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Picthx Thrillist

Categories
Hit-Or-Miss

From Duff Beer to Butterbeer, a Comprehensive Illustration of Fictional Brews [Infographic]

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If you’re a fan of fictional alcoholic beverages from years back (nostalgia alert), here’s a comprehensive illustration of “Fantastical Fictive Beers.” The poster features everything from Homer’s go-to Duff Beer to Family Guy’s Pawtucket Pat to the famous Alamo brew Hank Hill is seen sporting in Arlen, Texas. Pretty much any drink from a fictional movie, sitcom, or TV show you can think of, it’s on here.

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Probably one of the best things about the graphic is that it delves deep into our childhoods. They’ve got  the late-great Mission Hill’s Gruber Hof, Mudder’s Milk from the Jaynestown episode of Firefly and even Samuel Jackson from a sketch during the Chappelle’s Show era.

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And then you have the more recently popular drinks like (Spoiler Alert) late Hank Schrader’s Schraderbrau and the wizarding world’s Butterbeer. The amount of pop culture research and design that went into this graphic is absolutely ridiculous and most definitely appreciated by yours truly.

[click to enlarge]

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Of course, I can’t mention Samuel Jackson Beer without this beautiful NSFW clip.

The print is available at 18×24 for $28.