Thanksgiving Panic? Beer Cheese Balls, Turkey Cocktails & More for the Last-Minute Chef


If you’re like me, then you’re a 20-something adult trying to hold onto your kid status for as long as you can — when in reality, you’re closer to 30 and people actually expect you to contribute to holiday meals now. If you’re really like me, then you tend to procrastinate until the last possible second, until you realize you’re screwed. Hey, I feel your pain. Don’t stress though, I’ve gone ahead and compiled a few recipes to compliment any turkey dinner (unless someone put you in charge of cooking the turkey, then forget it). Bonus points — in 15 minutes or less, these yummy creations will make you look like you actually took the time to care!


1. Cheddar, Bacon, and  Beer Cheese Ball — You’ve been given a gift, and it’s called, “Just bring an appetizer!” The appetizer has to be the least intimidating dish to create, and you’ll be out the door in no time if you have the following ingredients: cream cheese, beer, cheddar, and bacon. If you ever cook breakfast, make microwave nachos, or are just plain human, you’ll probably have all of these things. Beat and stir everything in a bowl, throw in a few extra things to spice it up, then form a ball, cover it in crisp bacon and refrigerate for as long as you can manage so that the ball retains it’s shape. DONEZO.


2. Skillet Scalloped Corn — I know- it sounds kinda fancy, but that’s because I like to be tricky. For this side dish, main ingredients include: crackers (which you should probably have to go with that awesome cheese ball you just made), canned corn, peppers, and Swiss cheese. Grab a skillet, throw in a little milk and the other ingredients until the cheese melts, and top with browned cracker crumbs. Ermahgerd, you’re Wolfgang Puck.


3. Lazy Pumpkin Pie — Time to get your fat pants on, it’s the dessert round! I realize that at this time of year, pumpkin pie might be a bit overdone. When the recipe is this simple though, how could you not want to make it? What you’ll need: one can of pumpkin pie mix, instant vanilla pudding mix, Cool Whip, graham cracker crust. Seriously, that’s it. Mix it all up, fold in the Cool Whip, and POW- instant pie y’all. Stick in the fridge for later, or eat it with a spatula now. You know I don’t judge.


4. Pass the Turkey Cocktail — Okay, so this might be taking the easy way out, but if you’re really pressed for time, no one hates the guy that brings the booze! Combine bourbon, apple cider, and cranberry jelly, steal some thyme or sage from the turkey for garnish and you may as well start dressing like an old-timey hipster mixologist. Serve up a whole pitcher of this stuff and watch your great aunt get wasted. Presto- best holiday ever! You can thank me later.




Baby Binky Bottle Opener for Toddling Tots

Has your baby been acting strange lately? Staying up at ungodly hours in the night, failing to communicate, maybe drinking strange liquids? Well you know what they say, milk is only a gateway formula, but once you find one of these suckers hiding in baby’s crib, it might be high time you had the talk.

While not appropriate for kids, however, this polished chrome binky bottle opener could be enough to pacify you after a long day of taking care of baby, you big baby. You know, in case screaming and throwing tantrums hasn’t quite worked out yet.

Dummy Bottle Opener: $24 @ Suck UK

via Incredible Things


Drinkin’ Dots — Alcoholic Dippin’ Dots

How do you make a genius, but remarkably dangerous and unfortunately expensive dairy dessert even better? Add booze, duh.

Formerly known as “Drinkin’ Dots,” these “Cryo-spheres” from the A Bar in Washington D.C. trade the adorable alliterations of their prior namesake for more seasoned spirits, resulting in such creamy concoctions as “dark chocolate tequila” and “orange rum creamsicle”–which are then dot-dropped and flash-frozen to look just like the real thing.

According to A Bar’s Beverage Manager Brennan Adams, the name was changed after he received a trademark infringement letter from Dippin’, who filed for Chapter 11 Bankruptcy last year, but it doesn’t look like their efforts are doing anything to stop his innovation. As relayed by the Washington City Paper, Cryo-spheres are “just the beginning of his mad scientist ideas,” with Adams already brainstorming new boozy childhood delights like gummy cocktails and alcoholic gummy spoons.

Meanwhile, see Adams’ deliciously devious dotting process, here:

[Video and Photography by: Jessica Sidman, Washington City Paper]


Freedom Flask, Because Nothing Says Freedom Like Wearing Your Drink In Your Crotch

Don’t you hate having to discard your cans and bottles whenever you go to a sporting event or concert? Finally, the solution we’ve all been waiting for- a Fanny Pack full o’ booze that you strap to your privates!

Freedom Flask is here to save the day, simply fill the pouch with your favorite beverage, position in front of your downstairs mixup with the handy belt apparatus, and dispense using the convenient spigot that you access through your fly. There is totally nothing weird about any of this.

There’s no guarantee that your drink will stay cool for very long, but that’s a small price to pay for being able to drink from your own nether regions.

Here’s a quick demo, in case you’re actually serious about purchasing one:

($25 @ Amazon)




Watch Epic Meal Time Create an Entire Brunch of Booze [VIDEO]

It’s about time the boys from Epic Meal Time took to their roots and made some food that actually looks like it might be edible. Don’t get me wrong, they make some fabulously grotesque things that still make my mouth water, but in reality, I’m not going to recreate a dish that consists of 10 pigs sewn ass-to-mouth.

Yes, their show is a weekly novelty act, supplemented by host Harley Morenstein’s funny drunken rants about haters and insufficient amounts of bacon, but it’s refreshing to see some tangible recipes every so often.

Ham and egg cups, check! Shots of “Jack and [egg] Yolk”, topped with bacon salt, locks and cream cheese pizza, breakfast club sandwiches, eggs cracked into the holes of donuts, it’s all up for grabs here. With their entire spread totaling 4,287 g of fat and 43,256 calories, it’s still not part of a Weight Watcher’s plan, but if you’re watching Epic Meal Time, you weren’t expecting it to be, were you?


Bacon and Eggnog Cookies

Christmas and cookies, as Cal Naughton would say, go together like Chinese food and chocolate pudding. So imagine my delight when I stumbled across a blog post inviting me to join in on The Great Food Blogger Cookie Swap of 2011. Here’s the deal: I signed up to send one dozen cookies each to three fellow food bloggers. And as I sent mine out, one dozen cookies from three other food bloggers (three dozen total) would be sent my way. 

I knew I wanted to bake something traditional, but with a twist. My train of thought went a little something like this: Christmas-y, Christmas-y. What’s Christmas-y? Fruit cake…mint…eggnog…eggnog! Alright, booze in a cookie is a good start, but what goes with eggnog besides nothing? Hmmm, eggnog. What is nog anyway? Wait…nog…egg. What goes with eggs? Bacon!!! So Bacon and Eggnog Cookies were born.

The base recipe is Mrs. Field’s Eggnog Cookies; I just added a little bit of awesome (i.e., candied bacon).

Bacon and Eggnog Cookies


  • 2 1/2c flour
  • 1t baking powder
  • 1/2t cinnamon
  • 1/2t nutmeg
  • 1 1/4c sugar
  • 3/4c butter, room temp
  • 1 1/2c eggnog, divided
  • 1t vanilla
  • 2 egg yolks
  • 1T nutmeg
  • 1/2lb candied bacon, crumbled


  1. Preheat oven to 300F and parchment up your cookie sheets. Combine flour, baking powder, cinnamon and nutmeg and set aside.
  2. Cream together sugar and butter. Add 1/2c eggnog, vanilla and egg yolks and beat.
  3. Add the dry ingredients and beat at low speed just until combined. Stir in candied bacon.
  4. Roll into 1.5T balls and dunk in remaining 1c eggnog before placing on cookie sheet.
  5. Sprinkle lightly with nutmeg. Bake for 23-25 minutes or until bottoms turn light brown. Transfer to cool, flat surface immediately with spatula.

I didn’t dunk the cookies in eggnog before I baked them, but I highly encourage you to take that additional step to give it that extra burst of eggnog-y flavor. These cookies were soft, tasty, and full of bacon and booze: a merry combo for a Merry Christmas.


Bourbon Balls

I am not sure what it is, but there’s something intriguing about booze in sweets. As soon as I mention that the cake or the cookies contain alcohol, people just go at them. I think it’s just curiosity – does it taste like alcohol or does it taste like a cookie? For the most part it tastes like a cookie, or a cake.