Categories
Celebrity Grub Hit-Or-Miss

Macklemore Controls His Orgasms With A NSFW Painting Of Bieber’s Pancake-Balancing Boner

Last year we learned that Grammy Award winning hip-hop artist Macklemore had a strange painting in his home recording studio that pictured a naked Justin Bieber balancing a fluffy pancake using nothing more than a rock-solid boner.

Macklemore’s best friend and producer Ryan Lewis was the one that revealed the deets on artist Dan Lacey’s creation, saying the portrait also shows maple syrup seductively dripping down Bieber’s chest.

Macklemore finally spoke about the painting while on Bravo’s “Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen,” saying the painting now sits above his bed, and he, umm, looks at it while doing the nasty with his wife.

“It goes right above my bed and whenever I’m with my wife, intimately, I can always stare if I want to control my orgasm. Slow it down,” Macklemore said during the interview.

Yeah, that’s probably the strangest way to prevent yourself from being a minute man, but at least it’s effective.

Macklemore also explained how the painting ended up at his house in the first place, saying that he bought it as a white elephant gift, but no one took it with them, so he just kept it. Now it has become one with him.

Sorry if we ruined pancakes for you, but if anything, Macklemore just provided guys with a bedroom pro tip. Good luck with that y’all.

Categories
Hit-Or-Miss

This Cartoon Shows Mickey Mouse Doing UNSPEAKABLE Things To Swiss Cheese

Apparently this GIF has been around since at least 2011, but I saw it for the first time this morning when I should have been working, but was instead scrolling down my Facebook timeline.

WHAT!!!!!! My childhood is been ruined.

Posted by Samy Irssak on Friday, July 3, 2015

So, this old school video shows a jubilant Mickey Mouse sporting a pretty impressive boner that he uses to randomly poke holes in his Swiss Cheese. Apparently, this was the most effective way to make Swiss Cheese in the 1940s.

Upon seeing this video, your initial reaction is probably, “My childhood has been ruined!”

Your second reaction is probably, “This can’t be real.”

That was my reaction, at least, and I jumped on good ol’ Snopes to see if this video would be debunked, or if it actually was a weird subliminal message Disney tried to engrave in our tender little minds.

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It turned out to be fake, but not without a crazy amount of effort and detail by the Photoshopper.

This thing wasn’t even originally a real scene, so if you saw that video and said, “OMG, I remember that!” you’re a lying piece of s**t.

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The GIF was comprised of several different classic Disney scenes and morphed into this masterpiece.

That particular Mickey was grabbed from the famous Steamboat Willie cartoon, which does not feature a boner.

This scene may not be real, but it sure is impressive, if only for that massive mouse boner.

Categories
Restaurants

A Restaurant in Las Vegas Will Put an Entire Maine Lobster in Your Pho and Serve You ‘Boner’ Soup

Bone Marrow Noodle Soup Whole Maine Lobster Pho District One Las Vegas

Because of its ever-revolving palette of new restaurants, bars and clubs,  the Las Vegas Strip tends to lure visitors away from the rest of the city. But let me give you two reasons to get off your hungover lazy ass, grab a $10 taxi and head to Chinatown: Whole Maine Lobster Pho and ‘Boner’ Noodle Soup.

Opening just a few months ago and named for the entertainment and dining district of Vietnam’s largest city – District One Kitchen and Bar’s contemporary Vietnamese menu backs up the hype of it’s headline-worthy dishes. Yes, we were wooed by the Maine Lobster Pho, but it was the Asian-marinated Garlic Serrano Wings, Hamachi Tacos, 5-Spice Game Hen, Shaken Steak & Eggs, Beef Carpaccio, Slow-Dripped Vietnamese Coffee and the Bone Marrow ‘Boner’ (seriously, look at it) Pho that led us to spending hours in the restaurant.To top it off, the founding and executive chef, Khai Vu, comes from a Vietnamese lineage of serving pho to Las Vegas for decades.

We see you District One. We see you.

Pictures by Rudy Chaney

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Whole Maine Lobster Pho

district one whole maine lobster pho

If this restaurant were a venue – Maine Lobster Pho would be the headlining act. You know, like that indie/EDM concert you went to last month and knew the choruses of 3 songs but felt left out since everyone else knew all the verses. For those that regularly eat pho, you’re probably used to spending less than $10, and in some places that will include tax and tip. But just like every other Maine Lobster menu item you’ve ever seen (outside of the Lobster Claw Arcade Game), this dish is going to cost more than $10 bucks. Probably more like $40, pending market price. But hey, you were going to spend $28 on your garlic aioli burger at one of the hundreds of burger parlors on the strip right?  Unrelated to District One, I’ve heard that there’s a West Coast Lobster that can compete with Maine Lobster… to be continued (myth tip courtesy of: Jon Artiles).

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Bone(r) Marrow Noodle Soup

bone marrow district one vietnamese pho noodle soup boner

Dude, stop staring at this picture. We all know you’ve been looking for every excuse to slip in the word ‘boner’ while ordering and here’s your chance. District One uses some of the biggest beef bones we’ve ever come across and they’re boiled overnight in huge commercial vats to provide the base for all noodle soup dishes throughout the next day. For those that haven’t tried bone marrow before — it’s not your everyday American texture, but it’s on the ground floor of exploratory Asian cuisine. So if you’re building up your tolerance to try Durian, Chicken Feet or Balut – this is a delicious and mandatory first step.

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Garlic Serrano Wings

asian garlic serrano chicken wings district one las vegas

The FOODBEAST crew seems to order wings almost everywhere. Perhaps, like the rest of America, we too see the chicken wing as a blank palette for almost any ethnic or hybrid cuisine. Wing-themed restaurants and the abundance of wing menu items have definitely driven the demand and pricing upwards, but we still can’t get enough of them. These in particular. Tangy. Crispy. With enough of a flavorful kick. For those that need a spicy wing, you might want to ask your server for options in bringing additional heat.

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5-Spice Game Hen

5-spice game hen district one las vegas

Wouldn’t necessarily put this at the top of our order list, but if you’re looking for diversity of items for a large group – you won’t go wrong here. The portion size was a bit underwhelming, but I’ve always enjoyed the flavor of a smaller bird in comparison to the seemingly-forever dry chicken breast. The dish is served with tomato rice, daikon and pickled carrot.

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Vietnamese Beef Carpaccio

vietnamese beef carpaccio district one las vegas

District One’s take on Bo Tai Chanh, cheaply translated as Rare Beef Lemon, was the most well executed of the 10+ dishes we tried. Combining elements of a classic Italian carpaccio while still integrating thematic Vietnamese ingredients — to this day, the menu item is my favorite Vietnamese hybrid. In some sense, the dish has elements of a beef ceviche – since the rare, thinly sliced beef seems to be delicately cooked by the acidity from the lime. As with any carpaccio, quality meat and freshness are vital to its vibrancy. PROTIP: If eating in a group, make sure to get a portion immediately. This dish may have lasted a total of three minutes once it was placed on our table.

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Blue Point Oysters (Black Tobiko, Citrus Soy & Wasabi Greens) & Manilla Clams

bluepoint oysters black tobiko citrus soy wasabi greens district one las vegas

manilla clams district one las vegas

In a future published conversation we had with Las Vegas native Chef and Top Chef Master Rick Moonen of RX Boiler Room, he specifically addressed a common seafood stigma attached with Las Vegas due to the fact that the city is surrounded by desert. To paraphrase, even without immediate access to a coast, Las Vegas’ demand and infrastructure combined with the latest transportation methods means you have nothing to worry about. In fact, these blue point oysters and manilla clams are cases in point. Much of the seafood at District One may be seasonal or based on nightly/weekly specials. For specifics inquire within.

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The Place and People

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For those looking for an ‘Asian Cajun’ fix similar to SoCal famous Boiling Crab, bags of seasoned and buttery shrimp, crawfish, clams, etc. are available in addition to the aforementioned culinary offerings. During our trip, the restaurant was placing bottles on its top shelf for the opening of its full bar. Booze up accordingly. And according to its Yelp page, the restaurant/bar stays open til 4 AM on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. We’ll be back.