Categories
Humor

15 Hilarious Times Getting High F***ed Up Your Meal

Most regular smokers have discovered their limits by now when it comes to smoking. For the most part, you know that you can take four hits from a joint, three hits from a pipe and maybe one solid rip from big enough bong. Edibles are another beast altogether that I’m certain nobody will ever really have a grip on.

Well, if you’ve been high before, you’ve probably done something ridiculous, especially when it comes to food, whether it’s making something ridiculous, eating something ridiculous or being ridiculously gluttonous.

High Times magazine had their Instagram followers post some of the dumbest things they’ve done while high. Hilarity ensues.

1. “I was gonna make a red velvet cake, but I started eating the batter and watching tv and ended up eating the entire bowl of batter.”

2. “I asked my dog to get me a bottle of water and when he didn’t, I cried.”

3. “I spent 25 dollars on snacks at 7-Eleven and walked out with just a Red Bull.”

4. “Left the remote in the fridge.”

5. “Ate dog treats.”

6. “I ate spaghetti with a potato chip.”

7. “I charged my Hot Pocket and microwaved my phone.”

8. “I freaked the fuck out because I thought a ghost took my spoon, but it was really under my cereal in my bowl.”

9. “I ate half of a fake pear.”

10. “Beat my friend with a banana peel”

11. “I blew on Hot Cheetos to cool them off.”

12. “I went to Walmart and walked up to someone working and started ordering food then just walked away.”

13. “I put the whole gallon of milk in the microwave.”

14. “Ashed most of my blunt in my beer and continued to drink it for about 10 minutes till my friend told me he watched me ash in it multiple times.”

15. “Drank my bong water thinking it was water.”

 

 

 

via High Times, Campus Riot, Giphy, Emaze, SF Evergreen

Categories
Recipes

How Chicken Nuggets Are Made Without A Deep Fryer

As much as our 18-year-old selves would hate on us for this, we can’t always be eating deep-fried foods. In this artery-clogging lifestyle, sometimes baby steps are necessary to move towards the occasional healthy dish. Take these Baked Chicken Nuggets, for example.

Clean Eats came up with a savory Baked Chicken Nuggets recipe that you can enjoy without any deep-frying necessary.

All you need is some cubed chicken breast pieces, olive oil, bread crumbs, panko, paprika, garlic powder, salt and pepper. Coat your chicken in the oil and then begin breading them in the dry ingredients. Place them evenly on an oven rack and let them cook for 20 minutes at 425 degrees.

Serve with whatever dipping sauce your heart desires. We’ve always been fond of Thousand Island.

Categories
Recipes

How To Make Cheesy Herb Baked Chicken

It’s safe to say a fair amount of us are getting exhausted of deep-fried culture. Not that we’re sick of it, just that we should probably eat something that’s not submerged in boiling oil every once in a while. Foodbeast Family member Clean Eats created a Cheesy Herb Baked Chicken that you don’t have to deep-fry and it looks amazing.

All you need are some herbs, garlic, yogurt, cheese, tomatoes and chicken breast. The full list of ingredients can be found in the video.

Start by throwing your fresh herbs in a blender along with your garlic and olive oil. Then, combine your herb paste with some yogurt to get a creamy texture. Lay your chicken breast into a baking tray. Spread your herbs generously over the raw chicken and top them with your tomato and cheese.

Bake your chicken for 30 minutes at 375 degrees.

Once it’s done, all you have to do is prepare to cut into your cheesy herb chicken. No deep-frying required.

Categories
Hit-Or-Miss

These Weed Samoa Girl Scout Cookies Will Get You BAKED

weed-samoas-cookies

No longer is the divide between Girl Scout Cookies and weed culture a disparate one. Crafty young scouts have found that weed indulgers buy cookies, and it was only a matter of time before someone bridged the gap even further: Weed SAMOAS.

The WatchCut YouTube channel has released a brilliant piece of recipe filmmaking that shows how easy it is to make your own marijuana-laced girl scout cookies in the comfort of your own home. The recipe calls for dark chocolate, roasted coconut, caramel, sea salt and canabutter. Hell, even if you don’t plan on making these cookies yourself, the beautifully constructed video will be the most enjoyable minute and forty-five seconds you’ll have on the Internet today:

Categories
Art Hit-Or-Miss Humor Sweets

Clever Artist Turns Worst Break Up Lines Into Baked Goods

Breaking up with someone is never easy, unless you’re an asshole and just use the same old cliche lines. Well, this collection of food art by Isabella Giancarlo is dedicated to you guys.

According to her website, “‘Eat Your Heart Out’ is a series of words remembered from break-ups reimagined as something sweet.”

Her juxtaposition between a sour memory and a sweet treat makes you want to simultaneously laugh and cry when you see them, invoking feelings of sadness, cheer and most of all, hunger.

Giancarlo’s website even has a section in which visitors on the site can submit their name, email and the quote that stuck out to them the most when their loved one was letting them down big time. Check out the best one we could find below.

Well try harder, f***er.

Really? Didn’t even know you could think.

I looked it up, the average is 5.5 inches. It’s enough.

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Geez, I’d hate to be your real sister, yuck.

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What is this, college? Less trying, more doing.

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Get in line, pal.

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We can. But we won’t.

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With the rusty prong on a forklift.

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Yeah, ’cause this body is only going to get younger.

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No, you won’t do this.

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Photo Credit: @eatyrheartsout
Categories
Hit-Or-Miss

My Detailed Journey Of Beating IHOP’s All-You-Can-Eat Pancakes Challenge

Last week I wrote an article outlining IHOP’s all-you-can-eat pancake breakfast, so naturally, I attempted to eat as many as I could today. I obviously smoked a fat bowl before I attempted this challenge, because there are no rules about performance-enhancing drugs in eating competitions with only one competitor. Fellow Foodbeaster Peter Pham joined me for this adventure.

Here’s how it all went down:

10:36 am Pete and I arrive at IHOP. The bowl I smoked in the shower this morning is now in full effect, and I’m starving.

10:38 am – I take a trip to the bathroom to release my bowels from the clutches of yesterday’s evils. The walls in here are adorned with frightening phrases like “help me” and “I’m dying.” Am I in a Walking Dead episode? I order my pancakes and am shocked at the price.

11:04 am – I finish my first plate of 4 pancakes, along with my bacon. The woman on the table next to me has a child who keeps throwing his food on the floor. Your child is a h8er. When your child grows up, he will likely be a Sith Lord.

11:07 am – I ask our waitress Brenda to inform me what the current franchise record is for most pancakes. She doesn’t know. She asks her manager, but he doesn’t know either. What DO you know? I commission Brenda to inform everyone in the kitchen that I intend to fuck shit up today by breaking records. She smiles and winks at me. She wants the D, but I only want the P. Pancakes.

11:09 am – The second order of pancakes arrives, putting me at six total. I use strawberry syrup because I’m kind of a thrill seeker. I immediately regret my decision, strawberry syrup is hot ocean poop. I’m starting to feel my stomach stretch, but I’m not even close to finished.

11:17 am – I order my next plate of pancakes. Brenda won’t stop feeling me up with her eyeballs.

11:25 am – Two ladies are sitting next to us with a child. I ask them questions about their all-you-can-eat experience. One lady says she only got two pancakes and called it quits. I want to berate her mercilessly for bringing shame to all-you-can-eat enthusiasts everywhere. I want to do that thing where you kick the back of someone’s knees and they fall. Instead I opt to just say, “haha, cute kid.” Alas, it was not a cute kid.

11:31 am – I have now eaten 8 pancakes. I continue drinking soda in the hopes that I get that one huge burp that’s so profound that it gives me “second stomach.”

11:42 am – It’s someone’s birthday on the other side of my booth’s partition. Brenda and her roving gang of pancake peddlers go to sing songs of jubilation to the young patron. I stand in my booth and join in and become more vocal and animated than any of the employees. Some would call that leadership. It’s whatevs.

11:48 am – IHOP is playing 50’s pop songs and they’re kind of terrifying. Maybe it’s my high brain, but they’re the kind of songs you’d see in horror movie trailers, where the sound is fun and light, but the image is of some mutated serial killer slaughtering a group of idiotic high schoolers.

11:49 – Pete cuts my pancakes for me, heart him ❤️❤️❤️

 

10 Pancakes In…

11:51 am – I’ve now eaten 10 pancakes. I’m not crazy full, I feel like I can eat a lot more. Brenda keeps dropping DJ Khaled references. I know our love is forbidden, but she’s making it hard (that’s what she said).

12:03 pm – Just finished two more pancakes. I’m starting to feel bloated. Is this what pregnancy is? Because it’s not beautiful, it’s awful.

12:05 pm – I just ordered more, a strong feeling of hatred towards myself brewing in the pits of my belly. I’ve rolled up my sleeves and unbuttoned another button on my shirt. DJ Brenda Beatz just informed me that the record is actually 22 pancakes. The manager warns me to be careful if I try to beat the record. I warn him to get the funk out of my face before I eat him too.

16 Pancakes In…

12:16 pm – More pancakes arrive. I hate everything, 16 pancakes is insane, I quit. I’m also so disgusted with myself, when normally, I turn me on. Not today.

12:29 pm – B brings more pancakes. I don’t quit, quitting is for quitters. The back of my eyeballs hurt, and my throat feels swollen. I wonder if I am dying. I bet I could sweat pancake batter right now.

12:38 pm – I’m 16 pancakes deep now. I hate pancakes. I contemplate puking in the bathroom. Pete requests that I not be a “punk bitch” in his presence. His enthusiasm reenergizes me. I plunge deeper into the pancakey abyss. The shirt is off-er than it’s ever been.

18 Pancakes In + PeePee Break…

12:52 pm – I take a peepee break. Somebody is using the stall and has been in there for 15+ minutes. I see him leave the bathroom, and my new bathroom buddy Eddie points out that this filth human never washed his hands. We then see him go back to the kitchen and back to work. We agree that he is hot garbage and part ways. I will miss Eddie.

1:01 pm – 18 pancakes deep. My organs are rupturing on the inside. For some reason I think of Ben Affleck playing with animal crackers on Liv Tyler’s belly in Armageddon. I want that. Ugh, whatever. A boy can dream. Clearly still high, btw.

1:24 pm – I continue high fiving every IHOP employee here for their great work. Except poopy hands. No high five for him. He’s a nasty, nasty boy. My boss suggests that I start doing stretches, so I do them.

1:30 pm– I finally tap out at 19 pancakes. I am disgusted by the sight and smell of them now. I can’t stop scowling at everything. Except Brenda, she is my rock. The bill is $23, but I leave $40 because she earned it. I just found out David Bowie has passed away, so now I’m bloated AND sad.

1:41 pm – We are leaving IHOP. Pete asks, “So what are you doing for lunch?” I tell him to fuck off, with all due respect. I roll around on the ground for a few minutes because I just can’t even right now.

1:51 pm – I finally roll my limp, useless body into the car and get my fat ass home. I’m done with food, FOREVER.

2:06 pm – I ate some cookies at the office. Now I’m really dead.

 

Photo Credit: Get A Film, YouTube, Peter Pham

Categories
Fast Food

This ‘Blogger’ Rips Into McDonald’s Employee For No Damn Reason

mcdonalds-freakout-blogger

Shitty self-proclaimed blogger Brandy Wooten has officially gone viral by being a complete asshole to the manager at a California McDonald’s for no reason at all. Actually, I apologize, she did have a good reason. Apparently that “muthafuckin’ McDonald’s never has my muthafuckin’ fresh cookies.”

Brandy begins filming herself verbally accosting the manager of the McDonald’s while intermittently slinging claims of her validity as a blogger. Apparently she “called ahead” to have them prepare their baked cookies for her. What kind of psychopath calls ahead to a McDonald’s?

As you can see in the video, princess nutcase screams bloody murder over her cookies not being prepared PRECISELY upon her arrival. Then the manager calmly tells her to pull off to the side and wait a very doable two minutes for the cookies. That’s it, just two minutes. Of course, this attention whore doesn’t have time to wait around for two minutes, so instead she continues berating the manager. Guess how long the video is? TWO FUCKING MINUTES.

I checked out her YouTube page, and this woman does indeed have her own channel with a collection of really stupid videos. She talks directly to the camera in every video for upwards of eight or nine minutes, mostly of her complaining about shit the rest of us call “life.” Move the fuck on, Wooten. Nobody wants to hear your McBullshit for nine minutes.

Props to the manager for keeping her cool the whole time, but honestly, I don’t think anyone would have blamed her if she threw a Filet-O-Fish right into that hellion’s face.

Clearly this piece of shit is only doing this for the attention, evidenced by the manager asking her multiple times to pull over and her responding with, “I am”…then proceeding to argue with her and repeat the same things over and over again.

Here’s to hoping that the next batch of cookies she buys from McDonald’s has wasps baked into it. Fingers crossed!

Image Source: Daily Mail

Categories
Features

14 Of The Most Gorgeous Egg-Baked Avocados On Instagram

Avocado-Bake-Yolk

There’s nothing sexier than the site of a perfectly cooked egg yolk. When added to an avocado, however, the contrast of yellow and green brings out something beautiful.

The simple dish works perfectly as a breakfast, lunch, dinner, late night snack. All you have to do is hollow out an avocado, add an egg, season and bake for 20 minutes.

We dug around and found some of the most mouth-watering images of baked avocados on Instagram. Seriously, this is enough  yolk porn to guarantee us a lifetime membership to the cholesterol club. Of course, wouldn’t have it any other way.

So unless you’ve already had a decent lunch, these photos are definitely NSFW.

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A photo posted by Pete (@pham_bot) on