Not eating all day, waiting for the lull between lunch and dinner, only eating the fancy stuff — we all have our tricks for ensuring we get the most out of our buffet dining experiences. Still, a few more pointers never hurt. Here’s some of the best advice reddit had to offer on how to game the all-you-can-eat buffet.
(Pro-tip: might be better not to listen to #10. Just saying.)
“Pull the fire alarm, let the place empty out. Grab a bunch of grub and run”
“I’m a bit of a cheapskate, so I go for the more pricey things on the buffet that I enjoy, namely the proteins. I’m a bit of an ass about getting my money’s worth.”
“Plate One: The Recon Plate, and also satisfies my desire for variety. I take a small portion of whatever looks good, try not to waste anything when eating, compare with the people I’m eating with what they thought was particularly good.
Plate Two: A smaller plate evaluating recommendations of others and getting anything I missed on Plate One.
Plates Three + (Pre-dessert): Plates of only the best. I only take what I’ll eat comfortably, so sometimes there is only a plate Three, I’ve gone as high as Five.
Dessert: Ignore Little Ice Cream Bowl, get Salad/Soup Bowl, put a portion of the best looking cobbler in there, top with soft-serve vanilla.
Been working on this for decades, refined the plan when working at a therapeutic high school for troubled kids. The preferred reward for good behavior was a buffet trip, so I got this stuff down to a science.”
“Those little bitch bowls they put by the ice cream? Yeah…don’t use those. Go over to the soup bar and grab one of the giant soup mug/bowls and use that instead.”
“Eat fast. We’ve all heard that when you get full, it takes about 20 minutes for the message to get to your brain, right? Once you start, you have about 20 minutes to eat as much as you can before you know you are full. By the time your brain thinks you are full… it is too late! Ha, you just outsmarted your brain!”
“Always wear comfy pants with elastic […] Call a cab/DD or try not to fall asleep when you’re driving home. Once home remove shirt, shoes, socks, turn on TV, recline chair and do not move for the next 6 hours.”
“I use the current terror level color codes to prioritize my eating: greens go first, then bananas, anything orange and lastly the red spicy foods.”
“I was a young kid when I first ate out at a buffet
Dad: OK guys have fun, eat as much as you can, I paid top dollar for this
Me: Takes bread and butter
Dad: What are you doing with bread and butter
Me: I’m hungry, aren’t I allowed to choose anything I want since this is a buffet
Dad: No this is a BUFFET, ALWAYS always always get seafood
…and to this day everytime I see a buffet or go into one I hear a voice in my head go ‘get the seafood..the seafood, SEAFOOOD'”
“If it is at a wedding, or other potentially well catered event, and the food looks really good, but you don’t want to rush the line for fear of appearing uncouth, find Grandma. Take Grandma through the line helping her get a good plate, and helping yourself to a plate at the same time. You are now a hero, and you also got plenty of the best items.”
“Immediately pee on everything to assert your dominance, then take a little of every dish. To be fair, this is also my strategy for shopping for clothes.”
“My family has two rules. Never drink alone and all events are open bar. Wedding? Open bar. Divorce party? Open bar. Funeral? Open bar.”
“Eat until they kick you out, or have to make new rules based on how you behaved at the buffet last time you were there.”
“Never be the first guy going for seconds. Wait patiently for the fat guy to break the ice then go for the kill.”
And reddit’s response:
“Instructions unclear, killed fat guy with ice-bucket”
“instructions unclear. Killed ice guy with fat bucket”
“Timing is everything too. If they switch from the lunch menu and lunch pricing to the dinner menu and dinner price at 4PM, go in at 3:30. That gives you enough time to get your 1st plate from the lunch menu and subsequent plates will be fresh dinner selections at the lunch price.”
“The buffet near my old house had a very out of the way back room that had both WiFi from the cafe next door, and power outlets.
I had a gaming laptop.
You can probably imagine where this is going…
Several times I went there and just slowly got different nibbles / drinks over the course of a few hours while either studying or playing games.
I’d asked the manager ahead of time if they minded, and he said that as long as I wasn’t taking up a table that they needed for incoming customers (It wasn’t at peak-hours) or wasting food, he didn’t have a problem with it.
I suppose that whether you eat your fill in 15 minutes or over the course of 3-4 hours, the cost to the restaurant is the same.”
“Take less of each dish than you think you want. If you like it, you can always get more; if not, you won’t be wasting space on your plate or in your stomach.”
“Here is a tip to remember while you are eating: be vigilant. Be ever aware of your surroundings and know when the premium items are going to come out. Plan your trips accordingly. Know your enemies and try to be one step ahead of them at all times. If you time it right, those crab legs will walk right onto your plate.”
“If you know you’re going at least a day in advance, eat a huge huge pasta dinner the night before to stretch your stomach. Then starve all day with just lettuce and water. Then pig out in the evening at said buffet.”
“Amendment to your finale: Dont eat nothing either. Your stomach will have shrunk and you will fill up on the first two plates of food.”
“All you can eat is not a suggestion, it’s a challenge.”
“This is not a sarcastic, funny or otherwise ‘not to be taken seriously’ comment.
Take the cost of the buffet, multiply that by three. So, for an example, we’ll say the buffet costs $12, all you can eat.
Your goal is now to eat $36 worth of food. Bread is cheap, fuck bread. Vegetables are cheap, fuck those, too.
You want to hit the roast beef, the teriyaki chicken, the slow roasted pork, beef fillets, mother fucking lobster; anything and everything that looks and tastes expensive.
Buffets hinge on the idea that you came there to eat a normal meal, with some meat and a shitton of starch and carbs and vegetables, leading you to fill up on the inexpensive stuff.
The higher your cost:benefit ratios, the better. Eating is serious business.”
PicThx matt.hintsa, skidder, jiruan, Alan Light, Doctor Canon, InterContinental Hong Kong