While your beloved food brands hold a soft, greasy spot in your heart, they all have their shortcomings. (Surprise!) That seemingly bountiful bag of chips? 50 percent air, guaranteed. Those multicolored fruit loops? They’re all the same flavor. Wanting to highlight these disappointing little truths, graphic designer Clif Dickens created Honest Slogans — a project that replaces original slogans with something a tad more… real.
The tongue-in-cheek quips are delightfully accurate. The simplicity in each faux slogan brings it home, stripping away food brands’ consumer-friendly facades and offering a humorous look at world of honest advertising.
Picthx Clif Dickens
Once, I ate an entire package of Oreos, a pound of chocolate, and a half-eaten box of leftover carne asada fries while watching reruns of Bill Nye the Science Guy. It was a memorable summer. Looking to recall such fond memories, the people of AskReddit were asked, “What’s the fattest thing you’ve ever done?”
The answers range from relatable, hilarious to downright Nobel Prize-worthy.
Ate a package of poptarts after every meal for 9 months.
The fetus made me do it.
Dunking a Double Down sandwich in gravy and mashed potatoes.
For me, it’s dipping pizza in a chocolate fountain… Surprisingly delicious
A pig roast shot. You cook a pig and all the fat drips down into a catcher on the side of the big grill. Then people takes shots of the the warm juicy fat from the pig. PIG SHOTS!!!!!
I went to a carnival a few years back. They had deep fried butter there. I ate the whole damn thing. Then sat there for a while wallowing in my artery clogging shame.
Ordered 50 dollars off the dollar menu from McDonalds.
I have no excuse.
I was a resident assistant in college. I once baked cookies and a cake for my residents to grab up at the front desk. I pulled out the cookies first since it needed less time to bake than the cake. I accidentally ate the 36 mini chocolate chip cookies I had baked before I pulled the cake out of the oven the final time.
The cake took about an hour to bake, and each time, the middle kept on still being soggy cake batter. I finally deemed the cake to be a lost effort, and to avoid embarrassment from my residents and fellow RAs, I ate the cake so I wouldn’t be able to show off my horrid baking skills.
TL;DR: ate 36 mini-chocolate chip cookies and a cake by myself
I haven’t had a birthday cake for the past decade. On my last birthday i decided i was going to buy my self a cake then eat the whole thing because cake.
The fattest thing i’ve done is had them write “Happy birthday kroon, We love you so very much” on the cake because it added more frosting.
I’m a recovering White Castle junkie, 2 years ago I went into a White Castle with the intention of bringing home some food for the family.
I ordered 20 doubles (no cheese) and a large seltzer. Got on the train and I couldn’t stand it, I had to eat some. 1 hour later I arrived at my station with a bag full of empty burger boxes.
My wife asked me if I brought any home for her and kids, I just hung my head in shame and said we were going to have to order out tonight, then I took a 8 hour nap.
Still don’t regret it, but glad I am at least 1 hour away from the nearest White Castle!
The Manimal Challenge as seen on Man vs Food in Portland, ME. It involves an eight-patty onion-topped cheeseburger (known as the “Ochoburger”), two coleslaw-topped hot dogs, a side of crinkle-cut French fries, a soda, and a “Mother Futcher” milkshake (made with three scoops of butter pecan ice cream, milk, and Grandmother Futcher’s coffee cake) – all in under 20 minutes. The worst part was the soda as it was a Moxie which for those who have never had one is horrible (at least I found it to be).
Finished it with seconds to spare, got my tshirt, felt horrible, and then puked in some poor guy’s lawn who proceeded to scream about why does this always happen to his lawn.
Said I didn’t want sex so I could eat more pizza.
One of my all time favorite desserts is to take chocolate DoubleStuf Oreos and dip them into chocolate pudding cups. Ah, my veins are constricting just thinking about it. 😀
I ate a pound of bacon in one day
Okay I have the perfect story for this.
I told my wife I was going to the gym, but somehow I ended up going to Mcdonald’s instead.
I ate my cheeseburgers in a parking lot, and waited a little while until it seemed long enough for a workout.
When I got home, I poured water on my head and shirt to look like I had been sweating.
That is the absolute saddest and fattest thing I have ever done.
Anniversary time. Wife and I walk four blocks down the hill to the House of Prime Rib. We gorge on meat meat meat meat meat meat meat. Oh yeah, there’s a salad and we eat that too. Groaning with pleasure, we waddle out of the restaurant. Look up the hill. We can see our apartment. I look at her. She looks at me. We hail a cab.
Went to Korean bbq and ate for 4 hours. In my defense, it was KBBQ.
I ate half of a cake once when I should have only one piece. I was horrified and didn’t want anyone to know, so I finished the cake, baked a whole new one, forced myself to eat the one allowed piece.
Then I barfed in the middle of dinner.
edit: I have since had my stomach banded to keep myself from doing such a thing again. Now I can manage half a pear and then must stop eating.
I ate a $20 dinner for 2 at Chilis all by myself. My waitress said she was “impressed and disgusted”.
I did what’s called a bang-bang. I ate at two completely separate restaurants, and had two full meals, back to back. I saw it on an episode of Louie and thought it would be fun to try. It was, but I’d never do it again. I gained eight pounds that day.
Going back about seven years, height of depression, girlfriend was a complete psycho bitch, etc. One weekend, she was going to be out of town and I tried to organize a get together with some friends. We agreed on a Friday evening and I planned the most awesomest sexiest party there ever was.
I didn’t account for the fact that as they were all wifed and children’d up, every single one of them flaked the very day of the event. All with cuntbag excuses like “The child is ill” or “the wife has a headache” or “I forgot I have to wake up early tomorrow because wife’s parents are in town that evening and I have to buy some shoes” or some fuckbollocks. When the last one called, I didn’t even wait for the excuse – cue a bunch of texts about me being an asshole.
Shame. It would have been cool too! I had such great plans for the evening.
In a depressive rage, I still ordered enough pizza for 12 people with sides. I spent that Friday night with a bunch of beer, 8 large Dominos pizzas, some movies I’d bought but not got around to seeing and near on two 20x packs of Marlboro ciggies. I finished the evening by letting off about £200 worth of fireworks I’d bought for the occasion.
On the one hand, in a drunken manic depressive rage, fireworks appear way cooler! Especially when the guy you bought them from was a professional display dude and slid you a few rockets he really shouldn’t have! This is especially true when you’re at the stage of saying, “I shouldn’t have had that last pizza…” as in not “slice” of pizza.
Cue me at 2am, drunk in my back yard, finishing the last beer, really thinking… “As a person, I am fucked!”
I guess the morning after was also my epiphanic moment. I was 23 years old, it was 8am, I’d gotten no sleep, I was hurling up something chronic in the bathroom and some of it still resembled bits of pizza. This was when I decided that there was something majorly wrong with my life and I had to do something about it. I’d had some thoughts about that before, but the fattest thing I’ve ever done is certainly that. 8 pizzas, however many beers, 40 cigarettes… and fireworks.
I once ate half a tub of ice cream with a tablespoon of Nutella spread accompanying every mouthful because I ran out of chocolate syrup. I later learnt of the nutritional content of Nutella, and realised that I must have ingested a week’s allowance of saturated fats in one sitting.
My ex husband
At a carnival a few years back, I had deep fried butter. I shit you not, it was a stick of butter put in batter then deep fried with cinnamon and sugar. I wallowed in my artery clogging misery afterwards.
Edit: I’m getting a lot of people asking me more about this… To this day, I cringe at the thought of it. Apperantly they whip it then freeze it before dipping it in the batter so it doesn’t completely melt. Anyway, it was kinda like a overcooked biscuit coated in cinnamon and sugar with a whole stick of gooey butter on the inside. And when you take a bite, you can feel your cholesterol going through the roof and your arteries clogging. Not to mention the same and guilt you feel afterwards………… * To sum it up, if you can get past the guilt and the fact of eating DEEP FRIED FUCKING BUTTER, and give absolutely no fucks, it was supprisingly not to bad. I just couldn’t get over myself to enjoy it though.
Brogamats designs yoga gear that look like logs, flannel shirts and other “manly” stuff for bros. But come on, guys. Everyone loves burritos in their face, ladies and gentlemen included.
So when our voracious eyes fell upon the Burrito Yoga Bag, it was like the heavens parted and down rolled this enormous tortilla, tinfoil-wrapped glory from the sky. Arguably hotter than yoga pants, this tasty yoga bag will run you $40 a pop. A bit much for something that helps you lug around an over-sized placemat but awesome nonetheless. Now, if only it were edible.
You probably hung up the cake icing tubes and gumdrops back in third grade, but some people are still very much in the gingerbread house game. All those extra years of candy sculpting have clearly paid off, as you can see from these daring works of gingerbread genius. They obviously belong in Architectural Digest, but since those guys are busy covering new Olympic stadiums or something boring, we’ve assembled some of the swankiest edible estates right here. See all the pads below, then just try to talk yourself out of Lifesaver shutters.
Now 18 seasons running, the George Eastman House’s gingerbread contest brings out fortresses like this sugary castle, which earns 10 points for an actual moat, but loses 100 for no dragons.
The Claremont Hotel’s enormous gingerbread manor is so cozy, you might be tempted to crawl inside its honey-scented walls. But don’t, because that’s frowned upon.
This snackable version of the Little Mermaid’s castle shows Sheraton Seattle isn’t messing around. The hotel hosts an annual “Gingerbread Village” where their culinary minds and local architectural firms unite to create masterful candy homes. This year’s theme is nursery rhymes, so get ready for some confusingly appetizing three blind mice.
PBS’s number one fan made this gingerbread replica of the Crawley home from Downton Abbey last year, and while it’s pretty nice, Maggie Smith would find the whole thing completely middle class.
The majestic front porch! The gushing fountain! All that…um…beading?! The only thing this Winchester gingerbread mansion is missing is a disgruntled, edible butler.
The Henri Bendel store that inspired this creation may have been established in 1895, but let’s hope its architect threw historical accuracy to the wind and sprung for some slightly fresher gingerbread.
All other gingerbread houses look like shady lean-tos next to the Fairmont Hotel’s two-story Victorian. That’s over 22ft of homemade gingerbread bricks held together by more than 1 ton of “royal icing,” because you never know when the Queen’s stopping by.
The Omni Grove Park Inn of Asheville hosts a yearly gingerbread competition that’s unearthed such gems as this Muppet Christmas Carol-inspired abode. Luckily, they managed to chain Animal to the balcony before he shredded the whole thing.
Suspiciously, the homeowners of this spot (located in the lobby of the St. Regis Hotel in DC) are all about hanging gratuitous wreaths, but hate their Christmas tree so much they make it sleep outside under a blanket of snow.
In Soviet Russia, bread gingers you!!!
The gingerbread White House is a festive tradition perhaps even more sacred than when they choose not to murder one turkey for Thanksgiving.