Turns out anyone trying to get healthy off Subway sandwiches was doing it wrong this entire time. The Onion fictitiously reports that Subway executives meant for the popular $5 footlong special to be split among two people. In fact, they’re in downright disbelief that anyone can tackle a footlong sub all on their own. Who does that, right?
The sandwich chain states that they’re “deeply sorry” if customers were led to believe eating an entire 12-inch sandwich was healthy for them. It was never meant to. In response to angry patrons, Subway modified their marketing strategy, clearing up any misconceptions that a footlong was meant for a single person in one sitting.
Check out the hilarious piece of satire below and you’ll never eat a $5 footlong again. No, you probably will.