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Man Slaps His Girlfriend With Her Own Wasabi-Covered Jeans

When one suspects their significant other is cheating on them, there are many ways to deal with it. Smacking them in the face with wasabi-covered jeans is probably not a common first thought.

John McGuinness of Massachusetts was arraigned last Friday for that exact act against his girlfriend. The charges against him are of domestic violence and battery with a dangerous weapon.

We can now add wasabi-covered pants to the list of dangerous weapons, but not sure if they’d be a first option during a zombie apocalypse.

The Cliffs Notes version of the altercation is that they got in an argument over an ex-boyfriend who texted McGuinness’s girlfriend. He spread wasabi all over a pair of her jeans and smacked her with them, getting the wasabi all over her eyes.

Now for the J.K. Rowling version of the altercation, McGuinness and his girlfriend were on their way home from a bar when McGuinness’s girlfriend received a text message from an ex-boyfriend. McGuinness went into Hulk mode as the two got into a heated argument. She dropped him off at his home, then things got too serious. He text her that he was throwing out her $200 jeans, which one can assume she left at his house with confidence that Japanese sauces would not be spread on them, but she was wrong. As she turned the car around and headed back to his house, McGuinness came out jeans-a-blazin’ and smacked her in the face in slow motion (The report didn’t say that it was done in slow motion, but if we’ve learned anything from movies, it’s that most slaps to the face happen in slow motion).

She called the police and they found her with swollen eyes and red marks on her neck.

McGuinness admitted to his wasabi-filled attacks, but felt the need to reveal that his girlfriend has done worse things to his car.

He is due to appear in court July 12.

[Thx CBS Washington, OC Weekly and Levi Strauss]

By Isai Rocha

Isai is the self-proclaimed Kanye West of burrito eating. He has a hard time trusting vegans, ranch dressing and especially vegan ranch dressing.

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