James Bond Trades Shaken & Stirred for Heineken Beer


Before Don Draper, there was James Bond. And like Draper, Bond’s reputation has been built around his unrelenting manhood, and his penchant for partaking in his share of martinis. Now as many of you know, the new Bond film is set to have Bond drinking a Heineken [Insert some sort of not shaken, not stirred joke here]. While this news fell like hell from the sky for most fanboys, Heineken decided to say, “Screw it,” and came out with a Skyfall inspired bottle as part of their new line of “Star Bottles.” These released in New York mid-September, and will be available nationwide on March of 2013.

I guess they thought, “What the hell, we’ve already pissed everyone off, why not throw it in their faces now?” And why not? If Heineken decides to ransack a Bond tradition (like Lucas ransacking his own Star Wars tradition), why not go through with it unapologetically, with the brashness of, well… Bond. Thus, Heineken chose to celebrate its monumental feat by featuring the new Bond movie on one of its bottles.

heineken-skyfall These new “Star Bottles” are said to sport a sleeker, more modern look, and even have a thumb groove, for our holding convenience and improved grip. You read that right, A THUMB GROOVE! I know I’m not the only one who’s had to put down his share of beers because of thumb fatigue. And, if that wasn’t enough, the thumb groove, according to the Heineken release statement, “encourages people to hold the bottle at a lower point, keeping the beer colder.” Modern science continues to marvel me.

So whether you’re shaking your fists or stirring in your boots (I get one right?), about the Bond/Heineken soiree, grab a six-pack of these Heinekens. It’s still beer and you still like drinking, and at least your thumbs won’t hurt tomorrow.

Photo Courtesy of M16/Mudl

By Joey Nargizian

Joey is the 2017 Chopped champion. He also runs for President in 2020. But right now he is just eating, writing and playing soccer (not all at once). Pretty amazing trajectory if you ask him.

Leave a Reply