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Women Are Sticking Herbs In Their Vaginas For A Ridiculous Reason

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When I heard that women were treating their vaginas like a turkey brine and sticking a bunch of herbs in there, I thought to myself, ‘That’s interesting. Let’s see what this is all about.’

Boy, do I wish I had never stumbled upon this, as this ended up being the most spine tingling story I’ve ever had to write.

People often turn to “detoxing” when they feel they need to cleanse themselves from drugs, alcohol, or the 37 cheeseburgers they ate last month, but it’s not often you hear about a vaginal detox.

Most normal people use herbs for their teas, or a good steak rub, but a company called Embrace Pangaea is encouraging women to use something called “Herbal Womb Detox Pearls.”

I went on the Embrace Pangaea site to find a nice high-resolution photo for this story and was immediately greeted by a photo that I can never un-see. I literally jumped out of my seat, spun around a couple of times, went outside for a walk around the block and re-evaluated if I wanted to keep writing this story.

I channeled my inner-Ice Cube and told myself — well, Ice Cube would just keep talking about it begrudgingly.

I clicked on more photos and each one was worse than the last, as a plethora of  “excess vaginal discharges” were on display. I gagged and had to stop myself from throwing up in front of my co-workers in the Foodbeast office. (Sorry, Ice Cube. I let you down.)

At this point, I just wanted this story to be over with, but I had to look into what people where saying about this herbal product.

Thankfully, I found that not everyone is on board with sticking gumbo ingredients up their lady parts.

Sure, Necole Bitchie posted a very sponsored-sounding Tweet about the vagina herbs, but people immediately opposed it:


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Thank God!

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Also, Dr. Jen Gunter, who among other things, treats Atrophic Vaginitis, was so opposed to this herbal detox that she put up a blog post explaining that the very photos that Embrace Pangaea posts, are evidence of how terrible the method is.

Dr. Gunter said:

“The vagina makes excess discharge when there is A) irritation B) infection C) an absence of good bacteria. This discharge isn’t some toxic swill that the vagina was hiding that only the “pearls” could release, it’s a sign that these “pearls” are damaging. Yes, leaving a product that is not designed for prolonged vaginal use (and these are not) in the vagina is a risk for toxic shock syndrome. Just don’t do it.”

So this herb-filled vaginal detox might not be the best thing for you, and hopefully, I’ll never have to write the term, “vaginal detox” in my life again. I wish I could detox the terrible things I saw today, but I’m not down to stab out my eyeballs.

By Isai Rocha

Isai is the self-proclaimed Kanye West of burrito eating. He has a hard time trusting vegans, ranch dressing and especially vegan ranch dressing.

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